Page 237 of Staying Selfless

“Let me just say, my fears were completely washed away two weeks into them knowing one another. Eli started to become the man we all wanted him to be. Loving Logan has pushed him to become this vulnerable and caring human who, as his family, we all knew, but up until my best friend walked into his life, no one else had ever seen.

“And Logan, on the other hand, even though she had me, it wasn’t until my brother gave her a sense of family that she really flourished. It wasn’t until she was given this unconditional love, Eli showing that he wasn’t going to leave, that Logan settled into herself, not having to look over her shoulder, waiting for the next bad thing to happen in her life. She had a home base, and that was my brother.

“For those of you who believe in soulmates, hell, even for those of you who don’t, it’s hard to argue that these two souls weren’t made for each other. They bring out the best parts of the other and challenge the not so pretty parts, all while giving each other more love and respect than I’ve ever seen any two people give to one another. Besides maybe my parents.”

I turn to look back at Mary and my dad, the proudest smiles covering both their faces and tears streaming down my dad’s cheeks.

“They’ve set the best example for us of what a healthy relationship should look like, and Eli and Logan are a carbon copy of that.”

Logan grazes my knuckles with her thumb.

“I’m not going to get into all the marriage advice that a typical officiant would because, quite honestly, I think we could learn from these two, not the other way around. So, let’s get into it. Let’s get these guys married.

“A vow is a commitment to one another, an unbreakable promise made in front of your closest family and friends. Eli, you want to go first?” Marc asks me.

I squeeze Logan’s hands in mine before dropping one and digging into the inner pocket of my suit jacket, finding my vows that I’ve been working on for weeks.

“Logan.” I clear my throat. “I can’t believe that today is the day I get everything I’ve always wanted.”

My girl starts laughing in front of me, covering her mouth as she shakes her head. I have no idea what is so funny, but there’s an amused smile on my lips as I look at her in confusion.

“Sorry,” she laughs. “Please keep going.”

I give her a questioning look before my eyes find the paper in front of me, continuing to read my vows aloud.

“I use this analogy a lot, that I can’t breathe without you. But it’s more than just a figure of speech. It’s partially true. I used to suffer from panic attacks, and sometimes I still do.” I turn to the crowd of our friends and family in front of us. “For those of you who didn’t know that, now you do.”

Zanders gives me an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

I’m not all that ashamed to speak out about my mental health anymore. There’s nothing to hide. In fact, Zanders and I have begun to build our charity platform on breaking the stigma around mental health in athletes, especially male athletes. So, who am I to stand on that platform without being able to do it myself?

I turn back to Logan. “Anyway, it’s more than just a figure of speech. You’ve been my source of oxygen on more than one occasion. When I feel like I’m drowning, you give me breath. You calm me down, always. You’re my center. My home. When I look for peace, I look for you.”

Logan wipes at my cheek, gathering fallen tears that I didn’t notice were there.

“You’re patient and understanding, always looking for the best in people. You constantly shift my perspective on things, forcing me to see the good in every situation. You love hard, and you feel every emotion just as hard, even if you try to hide it. You’re my light in a dark world, and you’re my peace when chaos surrounds my mind. You’re sweet and loving, but you’re also the most badass woman I’ve ever met. And I fucking love you, Logan.”

Logan laughs at my lack of restraint to cuss during my vows, but she knows me better than that.

“I know that when I was younger, people viewed me as selfish, and I can’t really argue there. But something happens when you fall in love. I don’t think you’re truly in love unless it’s selfless love—loving the other person more than you love yourself. Wanting the best for them no matter what.

“I vow to stay selfless with you for the rest of my life, Logan, because I love you more than I love myself.

“But I guess I’m still a little selfish because I want all of you for me. Not only do I choose to do life with you, baby, but I’m also blessed to do life with you. And I vow to love you unconditionally for the rest of my life. I vow to let you turn the heat on in our house even when it’s unnecessary. I vow to put you first, always thinking about what’s best for you, so you don’t have to. I vow to let our children decide if they’d rather play hockey or basketball, and I vow not to throw a fit when our future dogs love you more than me. But most importantly, I vow to be your family. To never leave and to always love you.”

Logan’s eyes gloss over at the last two sentences, and I know how much those words mean to her. How much she needs to be reminded of them.

‘I love you,’ she silently mouths to me.

“Logan,” Marc says, “you’re up, girl.”

Logan takes a deep breath. “As always, you’re a hard act to follow.” She smiles, her dimples as prominent as I’ve ever seen them as Ali hands her a small, folded paper.

“Eli, I can’t believe that today is the day I get everything I’ve always needed.” She glances up at me as I now realize what she found so funny with the beginning of my vows. They’re almost identical.

“You have loved me so well. In the same way that I’ve pushed you, you’ve pushed me to see that I’m not alone. You allowed me to rely on someone else for the first time in my life. You not only allowed me to, but you forced me to because that’s what I needed. To realize that it’s not just me anymore, that I’m no longer alone.

“You’ve not only given me a family, but you’ve also changed the value I place on family. There was a time when it was just me, no one else, and I had convinced myself that I was okay with that—that I didn’t need to let more people into my life. But when I met you, Marc, Al, Jack, and Mary, everything changed, and I found myself needing people for the first time. And you showed me that that was okay. You took away the fear that lived inside of me and replaced it with hope and a need for others.

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