Page 207 of Staying Selfless

For my girl,

-E

I have a feeling that one day people will pay a lot of money for his signature, but they’ll never have anything signed this way.

Slipping out of my shirt, I swap it for my new jersey instead. It’s perfectly oversized, just the way I like it.

Next, and lastly in the box, is a small plastic container filled with little pushpins. All heart-shaped with the number thirteen engraved in the center, they’re gold and dainty, though I have no idea what they’re for or why they’re in here. But they’re cute, nonetheless.

Finally, I grab the envelope to read Eli’s words, needing them the way I always do.

I don’t know how he found this card, but it could not be more ideally suited for my boyfriend.

It’s a thick cardstock with simple black lettering. ‘Happy Birthday. You won’t need candles on your cake this year (all your wishes came true when you met me),’ is clearly printed on the front.

I know he picked this card with humor, but the truth is, it’s one-hundred percent accurate.

I open the card to find Eli’s handwriting covering both sides.

Logan,

Happy birthday, baby. You’re my favorite person, and you deserve the world, so I’m trying my best to give it to you.

I can only imagine how good that jersey looks on you, and I can’t wait to see you in it. Green has always been your color. I’m going to need you to wear it whenever you watch me play because our lucky number is always a little luckier when we both have it on.

Speaking of our lucky number, that box of pins is for your map above your bed. I know you always scratch off the states you visit, but I thought maybe you could pin the cities where you watch me play or the places we go together. I’m not even going to apologize for how cheesy this part of your gift is. You know I don’t give a shit.

I’m trying to take your advice and focus on hockey right now, but Logan, it’s so hard. All I can think about is you and everything we’ve lost. But I’m trying. I’m really trying to do this right.

Up until the day I met you, hockey was my life. It’s all I lived for, and I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was incredibly lonely. People constantly surrounded me because of my talent, but no one ever knew me until you knew me. So, thank you for showing me that there’s more to life than this game, but for now, I’m going to put everything I have into this opportunity and give it a real shot. Just know that through all of this, I’m doing it all for you. For us. For what we are going to have one day. Just try to remember that over the weeks to come, I’m doing this all for you.

So, my beautiful birthday girl, I hope you realize how special you are because it’s almost impossible to put into words.

I love you,

-E

I wipe a single fallen tear from my cheek. I’m not sad. I just really miss him. And I’m really proud of him, too.

P.S. I bought you a car. It’s already paid for, so you have no choice other than to accept it. And don’t even try to return it or some shit like that. It’s essentially a gift for myself, so I know that you’re safe. Marc will take you to the dealership to pick out what color you want when you’re ready.

And for the first time all week, I’m grateful to be far away from you so you can’t kick my ass right now.

He did not.

Of course, he did.

I was going to buy myself something bigger when I’m ready to drive again but leave it to Eli to pull this off without me knowing. He knew I would never allow him to spend that kind of money on me if he asked my permission. It’s not that I’m not grateful. It’s just that I don’t want him spending so much of his hard-earned money on me.

I pull out my phone to shoot him a text, even though I know he won’t see it until after his game.

L: A car? You’re insane. But also, I love you. Thank you for everything and for sending your family home. You’re too good to me.

I reread Eli’s card a couple more times, but Marc yells from downstairs while I’m lost in his brother’s words again.

“Logan! The game is starting.”

My eyes wander over my boyfriend’s handwriting one more time before I leave the card with the box on the bed and hobble my way back downstairs, wearing my new jersey.

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