Page 21 of Staying Selfless

“Logan,” he begins with a sigh. “EJ is tougher than you think. I know that you’re aware of his anxiety, but he’s still strong. He wants to be there for you. I just wish you’d let him.”

I can’t meet Jack’s eye because I know he’s right.

Instead of waiting for the response that I don’t have, he continues. “The reason that EJ is so attached to the idea of his mom, my sister, is because I talk about her as if she were still around. From the day I adopted him, I made sure he knew who his mom was and what she was like. That’s why he still calls her his mom, and he calls Mary by her name because we made sure that EJ knew Elizabeth.”

I look up at Jack, both of our eyes glossy. If Jack can continue his sister’s legacy, why can’t I continue my mom’s?

“Do you think I ruined everything between him and me?”

Jack lets out a not-so-subtle laugh before taking a sip of his fresh drink. “Logan, you could’ve left for three years instead of three weeks, and my son would’ve still been waiting for you.

“Don’t do that, by the way,” he adds, making me laugh. “You guys will be fine. But it’ll go a long way if you let him in, even if it’s just a little bit.”

“That’s what Marc said.”

“Well, don’t tell Mary or EJ, but Marc and I are the wise ones in the family. Those two make up for it with their good looks and charm, though.”

I offer him a grateful smile. The best thing about my conversations with Jack, besides that he understands me without pitying me, is that he always brings light and humor into them.

“I think part of the reason why I haven’t told Eli about her is that I want to get through it on my own. I want to know that I can handle these kinds of things on my own.”

“Well, that’s kind of ridiculous, don’t you think?” he responds without hesitation or filter.

“Damn, Jack.” I exhale a startled laugh.

“I mean, listen, I understand that you’re used to taking care of yourself and not relying on anyone else because you didn’t have anyone to lean on. I get it. But that’s not the case anymore. You have this family now that loves you, and you have my son who thinks the world of you. Both of my sons, by the way. There’s no reason for you to have to go through it alone because well, you’re not alone.”

I try not to blink because fresh tears are sitting at the base of my eyes, pooling around my lashes, and I’m really sick and tired of crying. But it’s no use. They fall.

“That’s what Eli said.”

“Well, I take it back, sometimes that kid is wise too.” Once again, he breaks up the serious tone of the conversation. “Did you know that I met Mary on Elizabeth’s birthday?”

“Really?”

“Mmm-hmm,” he hums with a nostalgic smile. “EJ had just turned one, and it was the second birthday of my sister’s since she passed. I was working that day, and Mary came in, needing help with some investments. Marc was strapped to her chest and was fussing like crazy. I asked if I could hold him, and I did this trick I used when EJ was crying, and Marc stopped just like that.” Jack snaps his fingers. “Obviously, Mary swooned and fell in love with me. I mean, how could she not.” He smugly motions to himself with a self-satisfied grin, reminding me that he is indeed Eli’s dad.

“But I remember going home that night, realizing it was Elizabeth’s birthday, and feeling like she just sent me a present in the form of this sassy, filterless woman. It was as if my sister sent her to me that day. To heal me, and to build a life with. Mary pulled me out of some really dark times, and she was the face of hope and light in my world. She made me, me again.”

“That’s exactly how I describe Eli.” My voice breaks and a few tears fall again. “When I was in California, he was my only spot of light.”

“Maybe instead of thinking that you’re a burden to him, you can shift your perspective and think of your relationship as a gift. Maybe he was sent to you for this exact reason.”

I take a deep breath, refusing to let my voice break as I take in Jack’s words. “I’ve never thought of it that way.”

“Maybe you should.”

Suddenly, the idea that my mom and dad may have hand-picked Eli for me does nothing but make me smile. They both would’ve loved him, and the thought that they sent him to me fills me with a bit more light.

“My mom would’ve loved him. She would’ve been obsessed. She probably would’ve had him cooking in the kitchen with her.” A massive grin slides across my lips. The biggest one I’ve had in a while.

“Oh, man,” Jack laughs. “I wish I could’ve seen my son squirm while meeting your dad. He would’ve been shitting himself.”

“I know.” I throw my head back in a fit of giggles. “But after about two minutes of pretending to interrogate him, my dad would’ve loved him too. He probably would’ve tried to steal him from me.”

“The way Mary is with you. Man, I wish we could’ve met them.”

“Me too.”

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