Page 191 of Staying Selfless

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I don’t know how to answer that.”

“Is she okay?”

“I don’t know how to answer that either.”

“Hey,” Ali says, walking down the hallway toward my brother and me. “What’s the latest?”

I take a deep breath, prepare to repeat the words, and hope that the more I have to say them, the less they’ll hurt.

“I’ll fill you in,” Marc chimes in before I do.

He looks back at me, giving me a slight apologetic grin. Ali seems to catch on just as quickly, satisfied with getting the details later and sparing me the responsibility of breaking the news.

“When is your flight to New York?” I ask Ali after a deep suck of air.

“I canceled it. I’m not going.” Her gaze stays locked on the window of Logan’s room. The blinds cover most of the hospital bed, but judging the expression coating Ali’s face, she can see my girl from here.

“You’re a good friend to her, Bertoli. You both are.” My eyes shoot back to my brother. “Which is why I need to ask a favor from you guys.”

“Anything,” Ali states.

“I’m going to Dallas.”

“You are?” Marc quickly asks, equal parts surprised and supportive.

“Yes, but I don’t want to leave her. Can you guys please just move past whatever bullshit is going on between you two? Can you take care of her for me? She really needs you both. And so do I.”

Ali and Marc glance at one another as they have a silent conversation, letting me know they’ve already had this discussion and came to the same conclusion.

“Already done.”

“What’s the plan?” Ali asks.

“She’s here until Tuesday at least. But I don’t want her by herself in her dorm. She’s not going to be able to do much. She’s got a pretty bad concussion, so I don’t know how school is going to go for her right now.”

“I’ll talk to our professors,” Marc says. “I’ll explain everything. I’m sure they’ll give her extensions.”

“She’s going to need a lot of help, and as you both know, she’s not going to ask for it.”

“I’ll move into the house off-campus with her for a bit,” my brother continues. “Until she’s up and moving again. Ali, you’re welcome to stay there, too.”

She gives Marc an appreciative smile. “Everything will be okay, Maddison. We’ve got it from here.”

In my exhausted daze, I wander out the main lobby doors of the hospital, finding my dad sitting on the edge of a planter box, the sky mostly dark still, but the orange glow of dawn beginning to illuminate the space. He keeps his gaze forward, locked ahead on the slowly rising sun, as I take a seat next to him on the wooden ledge.

He doesn’t push me to speak, always knowing the right thing to do.

Finally, as the sun breaks through the horizon, I break the silent void with words.

“I’m not okay.”

My dad doesn’t look at me, knowing that I’ll just break down again if he does, as he swings an arm over my shoulder, both of us watching the sunrise in the distance.

“It’s okay not to be okay,” he reminds me, which is something I’ve repeatedly told Logan when she’s going through it.

But now that the words are directed at me, I realize that it’s something easily said, but not easily understood. Because right now, nothing feels okay.

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