Page 186 of Staying Selfless

“Son, I’m so happy for you.”

“Don’t be,” I interject. “Not yet.”

“How did Logan feel about it?”

That thought brings the first spot of light into my mind as I let out a content laugh. “Marc said she was really happy about it.”

“EJ,” my dad sighs. “Whether it’s now or down the road, you two are going to make the best parents in the world. I want to give you some advice, I really do, but I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine how scared you are right now.”

“I’m terrified.”

Once again, silence lingers between us, the buzz of the fluorescent lights filling the quiet hall.

“I know you don’t want to think about this right now, but are you still going to Dallas?”

“No,” I quickly state. “I don’t want to. I’m not leaving her again. I couldn’t give two shits about hockey right now.”

My dad understandably nods his head. “Why don’t you just focus on making sure she’s okay, then once Logan is out of surgery, she can give you her opinion on it.”

“She’s going to tell me to go.”

“I know.”

It isn’t until the early hours of the morning that Dr. Ackerman comes into the waiting room and quietly tells me the news. My dad is off, talking to Mary on the phone, and Marc and Ali have been passed out for hours in the corner with her head leaned against his shoulder.

So, no one else hears my heart break.

I haven’t slept a wink, and I don’t plan to anytime soon. I can’t imagine resting at this point. Not until I see her.

I follow the doctor down a few different hallways, my shattered heart pounding as we stand outside of the room she’s currently resting in.

“She doesn’t know anything yet,” he tells me. “Do you want me to come in and explain everything?”

“No. I’ll tell her. It’ll be better coming from me.”

Dr. Ackerman gives me a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry, Eli. I wish we could’ve done more—”

“I know,” I cut him off. “But Logan’s okay, and right now, that’s all that matters. So, thank you.”

“She’s coming off the anesthesia still, so she may need a minute. If you need anything, just call for a nurse.”

I give him a grateful smile that doesn’t meet my eyes before he turns down the hall and leaves me alone outside of Logan’s hospital room.

The placard by her door reads ‘Room 13,’ which doesn’t sit well with me. It’s always been our lucky number, but today I don’t feel any luck.

I squeeze my eyes shut, shaking my head at my internal dialogue. What the fuck am I talking about?

I’m the luckiest son of a bitch in this building because my best friend is going to be okay. She’s okay, and that’s enough.

Taking a deep breath, I peek my head inside the door, my heart sinking into my stomach. She’s still sleeping, her leg is cast, and there’s a good-sized bandage on her forehead, covering that gash I saw before.

But regardless of the dried blood in her hair or the pale color of her skin, she’s still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

Taking a seat in the chair next to her bed, I gently clasp her hand in mine, feeling the calmness she always brings me. It runs up my arms, relaxes my shoulders and fills my chest, now that I have her here with me again.

A deep breath expands my lungs as I try to center myself, knowing I need to be strong for her right now. She’s always the one who keeps us grounded, but today it needs to be me.

I know how Logan operates. I know she’s about to drown herself in guilt because I’m hurting, but it’s not her fault. None of this is her fault.

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