Page 53 of Staying Selfless

I never thought I would hear her words or advice again until I found this box that day in the storage unit. The greatest gift she could’ve given me is the permission to move on and let go.

I reread the words I needed the most. ‘You’re going to have a lot of tough decisions to make, but you’re more than capable of making them. And I trust you. I hope you know that.’

I can physically feel the weight be lifted off my chest as I take the deepest breath I’ve taken in a while, knowing that she thinks I did the right thing.

I’m emotionally drained and exhausted but also somehow rejuvenated as I reread her words over and over again.

Chapter 17

Eli

As I pull up to the hockey house, I’m not all that surprised to see it packed to the brim already. The boys throw me a birthday party every year, and it’s always a massive rager. But if we’re being honest, it’s never really about my birthday. It’s just another excuse for a party.

That’s fine. I get more attention than I’d like due to hockey, so I don’t find the need to have an extra day for it. But I’ll take it as an excuse to spend a night hanging with Logan and Marc. Cam and Ali, too, if I’m being honest. Okay, plus Benny and Goody. Those guys are growing on me as well.

Who the fuck am I? I used to only have one friend, and he happened to be my brother.

More shocking than all of that is when I was texting with Zanders earlier this week about the therapist he recommended, I almost invited him to Minnesota for the party tonight. But I think it’s best to wait until the season is over to bring him around the boys or tell people that he and I are cool with each other, possibly even friends.

“There’s the man of the hour!” Goody yells as I walk into the packed and noisy house.

His voice projects over the music so much so that everyone turns my way and starts cheering, holding their drinks up in my direction as a way to greet me.

I give a few people, who I don’t know, awkward smiles and nods, already feeling overwhelmed by the attention. A few girls offer me their brightest smiles, trying to make eye contact. But let’s be real, I don’t give a shit. I feel almost as bombarded as I do when I come out of the locker room after a home game. I swear if a single one of these people asks me about the NHL before Logan gets here, I’m walking my ass right back out where it came from.

Finally, Cam’s copper locks come into view, through the sea of people, to save me.

“Let the man through,” he says to the swarm of partiers, crowding me in the entryway.

I follow Cam into the kitchen, where thankfully, there’s less of a crowd, giving me some reprieve from the overwhelming chaos.

“Happy Birthday, man,” Cam says as we sidle up to the kitchen island, our usual meeting spot to start a party night.

“Thanks, man. You went big this year.”

“I didn’t mean to. But people heard it was the last Maddison birthday bash and the whole campus decided to show up, apparently.”

After five wild birthdays while at this school, this is officially the last one, and I’m perfectly okay with that.

“Happy Birthday, Captain.” Goody comes up behind me, shaking me by my shoulders. “Where’s Logan?”

“She’s on her way with Marc. Why? You want to ask her to cook you breakfast again?” I tease.

After the whole incident the morning after Halloween when Goody joked about Logan cooking us breakfast, I’ve been giving him shit non-stop about it. But the truth is, Goody is a genuine guy and felt terrible after. He even took her number from my phone to text and apologize again, though Logan wasn’t bothered by it in the first place. I was more annoyed than she was.

“Fuck no.” Goody quickly shakes his head. “I learned my lesson with that. I’ll probably end up offering to make her a sandwich or something when she gets here.”

A random brunette chick slides up next to me, pressing her body to mine. I immediately create some distance between us, but she puts her hand on my arm as she begins talking.

“Happy birthday, Mad—”

“Abso-fucking-lutely not,” Cam interrupts, pulling the chick’s hand off me. “He has a girlfriend, and she’s my friend, so you can go now.” He motions her away, which gets her to leave the kitchen. “You can come find me later, though!”

I’m so fucking done with these college parties.

“Happy birthday, Maddison.” Benny makes his way into the kitchen. “You remember Sarah?” He motions to the girl whose hand he’s holding.

Yes, I remember Sarah. She’s the shy girl from Halloween that Logan introduced to Benny, and from what I’ve been told, she’s his official girlfriend as of last week.

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