Page 2 of Staying Selfless

I’ve been on thin ice for the way I’ve been playing. I’ve only scored one goal in the last three weeks, and that was on a five on three power play. I would have to try harder not to score in that situation. Our coach knows me well enough to know that I’m struggling through something right now, but we aren’t close enough that I would tell him what.

He saw me when I broke my ankle and how fucked up my mental game was afterward—I think this might be worse.

It’s ironic, really, that at one point I was worried Logan’s presence in my life would distract me from hockey when, in reality, her absence has been far more detrimental to my game.

Patrick has been riding my ass and getting under my skin, which is exactly what he wants. Unfortunately for me, I’ve been playing so shitty that I don’t really have a leg to stand on. Typically, my game speaks for itself, and he wouldn’t dare try to use the way I play against me, but lately, that hasn’t been the case.

I’ve been getting into fights with other teams, but he’s the one I want to hit. I’ve been close a few times, but then I remember he’s my teammate, and I’m his captain. Probably not the best example to be setting by punching him square in the face.

“How are you doing, man?” Cam asks with a pat on my shoulder during our last water break of the day.

I’m far enough from the rest of the team that they can’t hear me, so I decide to be candid with my friend. “Not good.” With a shake of my head, I lean my elbows against the boards encasing the rink.

“I wish there were something I could do or say, but I know there isn’t.”

“The only thing that could make this better is if Logan would just get her ass back to Minnesota.”

“You bringing Lauren tonight?” I hear Goody ask Patrick in the huddle of players next to us.

“Nah. Been there, done that. I’m going solo tonight. Hoping some fresh meat walks through the door,” Patrick says, making me grimace at his words.

“I thought you and Lauren were kind of a thing?” Benny asks before shooting water into his mouth while skating up to the rest of the guys.

“No way. We’ve been fucking for years, but that’s it, and that’s all it’s ever going to be.”

Fucking for years.

“What did you just say?” My head snaps back to look at Patrick.

I skate over to him and the rest of the team with Cam following closely behind. But Patrick stays silent, realizing his mistake.

“Did you just say that you and Lauren have been fucking for years?” I ask in disbelief.

He takes a moment before letting out an arrogant chuckle. “You didn’t know?”

I knew Lauren was cheating on Marc. We all did. But I never knew who with. And I knew her and Patrick were fucking after she and Marc broke up, but I didn’t realize it was going on while they were together. I guess I shouldn’t be all that surprised. Patrick and Lauren are both terrible people, but somehow, I’m still shocked.

“Marc lived with us, and you were fucking his girlfriend in his own house?” I ask in disgust, but Patrick doesn’t answer my rhetorical question. “Piece of shit.” Shaking my head in disapproval, I turn to skate away, trying to keep my anger at bay.

“Not my fault your brother couldn’t satisfy her!” Patrick yells to my back. “Must run in the family. That’s why Cali left you, huh?”

The anger is building inside of me, as it has been since Logan left, and it’s almost reached the surface. Hearing Patrick say her name, and not even her real name, but the stupid fucking nickname he gave her, is about to send me over the edge.

“Been waiting for my turn with that one for months. Don’t be surprised when you find her naked in my be—”

Patrick can’t finish his sentence because I turn around and punch him square in the jaw. When he falls to his back on the ice, I jump on top of him, continuing to pummel my fist into his face. I can tell I already broke his nose, but there’s not much that can stop me from continuing. I don’t want to stop.

The night he tried to take advantage of Logan, the first night we met, flashes through my mind as his face takes another hit. Every time I’ve heard him call her ‘Cali’, instead of her name, fuels another punch. The fact that he slept with my brother’s girlfriend, regardless that I don’t like her, draws in another swing.

Finally, the buzzing in my ears subsides as I hear a few of the guys screaming my name. Arms wrap around my waist, and hands tug at my practice jersey, trying to pull me off Patrick’s body.

I give in and let Cam, Goody, and Benny yank me off Patrick as he swipes at his bloody face, smearing the deep red onto the bright white of the ice.

“Maddison!” My coach yells. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

I can’t respond. My chest is heaving from the rage as I try to calm myself down, but nothing and no-one has been able to calm me down in three weeks.

I look at Patrick, still suffering on the ground. His nose is clearly broken, and his lip is busted, not to mention the split skin on his cheek. Fuck it. I guess I should feel guilty, but I don’t. He deserves it.

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