Page 90 of Becoming Selfish

“Shut up,” I tell her as we giggle with each other.

“You guys should try to get there early tomorrow. Even though it’s only a preseason game, the arena is still going to be packed.” Marc pushes his plate away and leans back in his chair, trying to stretch out his full stomach.

“Really? But doesn’t that arena seat like...thousands?” I ask, unconvinced.

“Yeah, but this school and city are all about hockey. It’s a huge deal here. If you thought EJ was popular already, just wait until you see him after a game. He’s practically a local celebrity here.”

“Great,” I sarcastically add. I’m glad Eli is well-loved around campus, but I know the pressure he feels from everyone to be and play a certain way. I just want him to be able to enjoy playing the game he loves and not have to worry about the rest. On top of that, the number of women who gawk over the guy is a little disconcerting. Eli has made it pretty evident that he doesn’t have eyes for anyone else, but I still don’t love watching other girls cling all over the man I have feelings for.

“Will there be scouts from the NHL there tomorrow?” I ask, needing to prepare myself for the fact that Eli could leave at the drop of a hat as soon as he gets picked up by a big-league team.

“Probably not tomorrow, but most likely soon. Once the regular season starts.” Marc keeps his gaze on me, trying to gauge my reaction.

Well, at least I won’t have to say goodbye to him tomorrow, but still, it’s coming.

Ali clearly picks up on my concern as she eyes me from across the table.

“Have you guys talked about what you’re going to do if he leaves?” Both her and Marc keep their focus on me.

“No. I haven’t wanted to think about it, to be honest. Plus, this thing between us is so new that I don’t want to put pressure on him. I want this for him, but on a selfish note, it makes me sad to know that he’s probably going to leave soon.”

“Well,” Marc sighs. “I’ve never seen my brother like this before, so I wouldn’t get too in your head thinking things are ending before they even really begin.” He gives me an encouraging smile, trying to ease my concern.

Marc knows better than anyone that I’m used to people leaving me. It’s not my parents’ fault that they left, but still, they did. Let’s not forget to mention Zac. Marc was the first person I allowed into my life without fear that I would lose him. Next was Ali, then most importantly was Eli. The hard part about Eli was that I knew the second I started to fall for him that he was going to leave at some point. But regardless of those fears, I haven’t been able to hold my feelings back, which I know will eventually cause the heartbreak of a lifetime when he does go.

“Are you sure you guys don’t want to just crash here?” Marc asks us, pulling me out of my daze, as he gets up to throw away the empty takeout boxes.

Ali looks to me for an answer. “I um...No, I think I’m going to head back to the dorms. I’m sure your parents are looking forward to having time alone with you and Eli. He’s going to come here when he lands tonight, right?”

Honestly, the only reason I want to leave is that I know their parents will be here soon, and I think that Eli should be included when I meet them. Otherwise, of course, I would stay. I would love to see Eli as soon as he’s back in town.

“I would assume so. We usually stay at the house when our parents are in town.”

“Cool. Well, I’ll grab a ride back with you, Logan.” Ali grabs her purse and heads towards the door.

Marc stops me in my tracks by grabbing my arm and pulling me in for a hug. “Stop getting in your head about it,” he tells me, obviously noting that I’ve been off since we talked about Eli’s future.

“I’m trying.” I shrug in his grasp. When he releases me from his arms, I can tell he’s unconvinced. Not that I blame him, so am I.

“See you both at the game,” Marc yells out as Ali and I walk down the front walkway towards my car. “Love you, Logan,” he adds in his normal volume as I turn around to give him an appreciative smile, always being thankful for his friendship.

I’ve been lying awake in bed for hours. It’s hard to sleep when you’re excited about what’s to come the next day. Not being able to see, or touch, or hold Eli all week has sucked, and I can’t wait for tomorrow when I finally can. We’ve spoken every day, anytime he wasn’t playing or I wasn’t in class, but it’s not the same as seeing him in person.

I’ve never felt like I needed someone, so I was surprised at how tough the last few days were. ‘Needy’ is the last word I would use to describe myself typically. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that it’s okay to need someone in your life. Because right now, I’m learning just how much I need Eli, and that’s a little scary to admit.

Eli’s shirt has been my choice of sleepwear over the last few nights. His scent still lingers, and I like the oversized fit. When Ali barged in and saw me wearing it last night, she teased me a bit, but ultimately it made her get all mushy. She’s been loving my updates on all things Eli. Says it makes her feel like she’s watching a Hallmark movie. Even though she doesn’t believe in sticking with one person at our age, she’s still happy that I’m happy.

I toss and turn in my bed, settling on my back, hoping to find a position that I can fall asleep in when I hear a light knock on my door. It opens before I can respond, and I already know it’s Eli. That’s how he always enters my room—a quick knock to announce himself, but he doesn’t wait for me to answer. It’s dark in here, but the glow from the moonlight shining through my window illuminates the room just enough that I can see Eli’s perfect frame walk through my doorway.

He drops his things after closing the door behind him and climbs right into bed with me. His long body drapes over mine, pressing me into the mattress with his weight. He slides his arms under and around my back, his face nuzzles into the crook of my neck, and I’ve never felt more comfortable. I instantly wrap both my arms around his shoulders, holding him tightly to me, relishing in the feeling of having him in my arms again.

“Hi, baby,” he says into my neck. His breath is warm and tickles my skin as he speaks.

“Hi.” I stroke his shaggy hair with one of my hands.

Glancing over to my door, I notice Eli’s bag sitting in the entryway, which makes me smile from ear to ear. He didn’t even go home before he came to see me.

“I thought I was going to see you tomorrow?” My lips graze against his temple.

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