Page 76 of Becoming Selfish

Eli lets out a loud sigh. “Fuck it,” he says as he closes his laptop and casts it aside. He gets up and crawls towards me, taking the laptop from my hands and closing it before tossing it to the other side of the bed. He makes his way between my legs, and they quickly open for him. He gently removes the glasses from my face, setting them on my bedside table before placing both his hands on either side of my body and leaning down into my ear, his nose and lips grazing my cheek.

“You’re distracting me.” His tone is low and raspy, causing me to gulp from his words. I literally hear myself swallow.

His warm tongue meets my neck as my eyes close, my head dropping back from the sensation. My hips jerk up to meet his, the bulge in his pants pressing against me as he groans. He sucks and teases my ear before continuing to trail kisses down my neck and my chest, over my t-shirt, before leaning up and feverishly pressing his lips to mine. I part my mouth, letting his tongue find mine. He’s warm and soft yet firm, and I can’t get enough of him.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pull him into me and slide down, lying flat on the bed. His mouth continues to search mine, and our breathing becomes ragged, wanting more. He presses his erection against my sensitive spot, and this time I’m the one who lets out a whimpering moan.

He pulls his lips from mine as they continue their gentle assault down my body. He peppers them across my neck, over my t-shirt but between my breasts, and finally to my stomach. He begins to pull my shirt up slowly, kissing my flushed skin and I can’t get over how good his supple, warm lips feel pressed against me.

He lifts my shirt a little more before pulling back and staring at my stomach. Eli stops his kisses and looks down at me, unable to tear his gaze away from my middle. I feel the heat crawling up my skin as the self-conscious doubt consumes me, thinking that he might not like what he sees. I’m all too aware of just how many girls he’s been with and how many girls he’s probably comparing me with right now.

“Did it hurt?” he asks, keeping his eyes locked on my abdomen.

“What?” My pulse is racing.

“Did it hurt? When you donated your kidney.”

Following his gaze, I find him staring at the four small scars scattered around my abdomen from where they removed the kidney I donated to my mom. His fingers begin to graze the marks gently.

I look back to Eli and realize his expression is not that of judgment or dissatisfaction, but one of care and concern.

“I was sore for a few weeks, but it wasn’t particularly painful,” I say, reassuring him.

His eyes soften as they finally break their stare, and he looks up to my face. His expression is filled with...I don’t know. Adoration? Respect? Love? Maybe all three, but the way he’s looking at me right now, no one has ever looked at me like that before.

He leans down and places a soft lingering kiss on one of my scars. His warm lips take their time before moving to the next. He continues until he loves on all four of them as I tilt my head back and look towards the ceiling, trying to keep the tears from falling down my face. I can’t remember the last time I cried, but being encompassed with so much love and respect for the hardest thing I’ve done in my life is making me emotional.

He continues to kiss my body as he lifts my shirt up and over my head, tossing it to the ground. This no longer feels sexual. It feels like he’s taking care of me, loving me, respecting me. He sweetly kisses up my neck to my cheek, catching a fallen tear with his lips, as he wipes another from my other cheek with his thumb. He traces soft, gentle kisses up to my temple as I turn my head and melt into him. I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never allowed myself to be vulnerable with someone this way. For him to know these sides of me and what I’ve gone through, it’s new and scary, but it feels good.

After Zac treating me the way he did and not understanding what I was going through with my mom, I promised myself that I would never let someone into that part of my life again. I thought I would keep it locked away like an old secret and pretend like my life was easy and normal from there on out. Even though Marc knows about what I went through, he doesn’t know the depths of the toll it took on me.

Eli pulls away from me, keeping his face only a few inches above mine, close enough that I can look into his eyes. They’re soft and a bit glossed over. He continues to stroke my cheek as he keeps his beautiful brown eyes locked and searching mine.

“I...like you so much, Logan,” he says as if he’s trying to hold himself back.

He places his forehead gently against mine, my heart racing from his words and embrace.

“I like you so much, too.” I lean up and gently kiss his perfect lips, needing them on mine.

Chapter 50

Eli

I can’t believe I almost just told Logan that I loved her. That would be insane, I’ve only known her for a couple of weeks, but however I feel about her, I do know that I’ve never felt this way before. She’s the strongest person I know, but also the softest in the way she loves and cares for people, and I’m the lucky son of a bitch who gets to be included on that list.

I also can’t believe I just almost cried in front of her. I absolutely never cry. Thankfully, I controlled it and kept it together. I want to be strong for her so she can let her guard down when she needs to, but it pains me to know that she was struggling alone last year.

Lying down on my side, I face Logan as I continue to stroke her cheek with my thumb until the few tears of hers stop falling. Usually, when girls cry in front of me, I want nothing to do with it, but with her, I feel honored that she would be so vulnerable with me. Knowing her private and tough nature, I would imagine that she doesn’t cry very often.

“I need to tell you something,” she says, breaking the silence. “And you’re probably not going to like it.”

My stomach instantly drops.

I swallow hard, brushing the fallen tendrils of hair behind her ear. “Okay,” I say softly, but it comes out in more of a question form.

She pauses, making the beat of my heart pound harder against my chest. Something is wrong. I can feel it. What the fuck is going on?

She gives me one last longing look before closing her eyes, inhaling deeply, and saying, “I’m a virgin,” on the exhale.

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