Page 52 of Becoming Selfish

So, she left me in bed to go to the gym. Maybe that’s just her morning routine, or perhaps she needed a way to decompress after the last two nights. Either way, I understand, as most of my mornings are spent trying to clear my mind while on the ice. Sometimes it’s my only safe haven.

As I reach the front lawn of my house, I find cups scattered all around, a couple of people passed out on the front porch, and one of our beer pong tables knocked over on the grass. I make my way up to my room, stepping over sleeping bodies in my path and trying to avoid the pools of spilled liquor.

Once I make it to the upstairs hallway, a girl leaves Patrick’s room, down the hall from mine. Her back is to me as she quietly closes his door and begins to tiptoe away. I recognize her as soon as she turns to face me. Her eyes lock with mine, causing her to freeze. It’s Marc’s ex, Lauren. I shake my head in disappointment as she adverts her eyes from mine and hurries down the stairs. I knew she was an idiot, but hooking up with Patrick? She’s worse than I thought.

Opening my door, my eyes widen in surprise finding a body lying in my bed. As I begin to make my way over to grab the stranger by the collar and throw them out, they turn over to face me. Realizing that it’s only Marc, I sigh in relief. But it makes me wonder if he knows that Lauren was fucking Patrick just a few feet away.

“Hey, I just called you,” he says with a raspy voice.

“You better not have had a girl in here with you,” I warn, though I’m more concerned that he may have heard what was happening down the hallway.

“What, do you think I have a death wish? I know I’m the only one allowed in here.” He sits up on my bed. “Where were you last night? I couldn’t find you.”

I lean back against my dresser with my arms crossed against my chest, facing him. “I went to a friend’s house,” I say as casually as I can.

“Logan?” he asks, raising his brows.

I don’t answer, but instead, avert my guilty eyes away from his gaze and scratch my brow, trying to cover my face inconspicuously.

“Next time, maybe try to come up with a better lie than being at a friend’s house. You and I both know that I’m your only real friend.”

“I’m not lying. She told me last night that she just wants to be friends. So technically, I was at a friend’s house.” I try to come off smug, but my tone just sounds dejected.

“Wow, I knew that girl was smart.” He chuckles.

“Shut up,” I tease, trying to go along with my brother’s banter, but it doesn’t work. I know my expression looks as defeated as I feel right now.

Marc eyes me for a moment as confusion sets in. “What’s the big deal? So what? There’s one girl in the whole world who doesn’t want to sleep with you. You’ll be onto someone new next week.”

I shake my head. “It’s not like that, Marc, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” I look him in the eyes and hold his gaze, trying to get him to understand what I want to say.

His mouth gapes open, seeming taken aback by my words, both spoken and unspoken. “So...what? You want a relationship with her?” He looks at me with his eyes wide. “EJ, you’ve never even dated someone before.”

“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought that far ahead, but I do know I like Logan. I like her a lot.” My expression is pathetically desperate, I can feel it.

“Well, I didn’t expect you to say that. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that about someone before.” He pauses, surprised by my admission, and searching for the right words. “I don’t know, man. Maybe her wanting to be friends is for the best? At least that’ll make things less complicated for me.” He chuckles, trying to lighten the mood.

It doesn’t work. If anything, my expression goes from desperate to pitiful.

“Look,” Marc begins. “I don’t know what to tell you, man. If she wants to be just friends, there’s not much you can do about that. But I want you to be happy. I want both of you to be happy, however that may look.”

I nod my head in agreement, forcing a smile on my face.

“But, if she changes her mind and you do something shitty to her, I can’t have your back on this one,” he continues. “I just got her to stop talking to her asshole of an ex. I don’t need to add your name to the list.”

“So, she’s not talking to him anymore?” I ask, with a touch too much excitement in my tone.

“I don’t think so.”

“What happened between them anyway?”

“I’ll let her give you the details, but he was a piece of shit.” He ends the conversation with that, getting out of my bed and putting his shoes back on. Marc doesn’t answer my prying, but maybe her ex is why she won’t trust her feelings for me.

“Anyways, thanks for letting me crash in your bed.” He reaches his fist out for mine.

I pound my fist with his as I say, “I didn’t let you. You just did it anyway.”

“Same thing.” He shrugs. “You hungry? Wanna go grab some breakfast?”

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