Page 27 of Becoming Selfish

She rolls her eyes at me. “He’s hot, but not my type, and don’t change the subject. You like him, right?”

I sigh in defeat. “I don’t know. I know I shouldn’t. He’s Marc’s brother, and from what he’s told me, Eli sleeps around a lot, and that’s just not what I’m into.” I pause for a moment. “I don’t know why we are even having this conversation. The guy can have any girl he wants,” I add, hoping to end the topic with that.

It doesn’t work. “Okay, first of all, look at you.” She eyes me up and down. “If you don’t think you’re exactly what he or any other guy would want, you’re wrong. Secondly, who cares if he’s Marcus’ brother? If Marcus is your real friend, I doubt he would care if you had feelings for Maddison. Lastly...okay, yeah, I’ve heard he does sleep around a lot, but maybe that’s just what you need? Maybe getting laid by a super hot guy would be good for you?”

I stay quiet, not wanting to answer the last part of her question.

“What? You’re telling me that you don’t want to have sex with him?”

I bite my tongue, giving her a blank stare. This is the part I hate about girl-talk; they always pry into your personal life. Marc would never ask me this.

“Wait. Logan...” Her voice is laced with confusion, and I know where this conversation is going. “Are you? Have you never...”

I stay silent for another moment, not sure if I’m ready to divulge this information to a girl I’ve only known for a few days. On the other hand, she’s going to figure it out eventually so I may as well get it over with now.

“No,” I tell her, breaking the awkward silence between us. “I haven’t.”

She raises her brows in surprise. “Can I ask why?”

Leaning back on my headboard, I attempt to make myself as comfortable as I can during this uncomfortable conversation. “Well, I didn’t want my first time to be with a random stranger. I wanted it to be with someone I loved. Zac was my only boyfriend, but I don’t think I ever loved him. I also somehow knew I couldn’t trust him, so I never had sex with him.” She stays silent, so I add, “Then he slept with my friend, so I guess I was right.”

“Honestly, fuck him.” She shakes her head in disapproval, then pauses for a moment before continuing. “But I actually think it’s cool that you’ve waited. I’ve never slept with someone I had any real feelings towards, but I bet it would be even more amazing. Whoever you choose is going to be a really lucky guy.” She smiles sweetly at me.

Not many people know that I’m a virgin; it’s not something I choose to bring up in conversation. But I’ve never had someone understand my view on it the way Ali is right now. It’s refreshing not to feel judged for my life choices, and it makes me appreciate her friendship even more.

I look at her gratefully, and she seems to understand that I want to change the subject. “So, what are we ordering for dinner?” she asks while pulling out her phone to see what’s available nearby.

Just then, my phone dings as a text message comes through. Zac’s name appears on my screen, causing my stomach to drop. He’s texted me a few times over the last couple of days, and every time I see his name pop up, my skin crawls with anxiety.

“Is that Marcus?” Ali asks without looking up from her phone.

“No, actually, it’s Zac.”

Her eyes shoot up from her screen, her face plastered in shock and disbelief. “Excuse me, what?” she asks. “Why is he texting you?”

“I don’t know. He’s been texting me a little bit lately,” I shyly answer.

“And have you been responding to him?”

I look away from her, afraid to see the judgment that will undoubtedly be plastered across her face. “Sometimes,” I lie. I’ve answered him every time.

“Logan!” she scolds. “Why would you do that? He’s a piece of shit!”

“I know, I know, but I don’t know. We have history, and it’s easy with Zac, I guess.”

“Yeah, easy to get cheated on!” she yells, which makes me laugh.

“But seriously, girl, please don’t go there again. You’ve got to respect yourself more than letting some frat boy treat you that way.”

“How did you know he was in a fraternity?” I ask, confused.

“With a name like Zac, I just assumed.”

I decide not to respond to him while Ali is here. It’s not that I necessarily want to be with Zac again, but I’ve been a little homesick lately. Not from missing California, but from missing my home...my parents. And Zac knew my mom, so I feel some sort of comfort when I talk to him.

We spend the rest of the night eating pizza, watching a new Netflix movie, and talking about boys. Ali brings up Eli a few more times, but I change the subject. Now that she knows I may be catching feelings for him, there’s really no use in lying to myself about it any longer.

Chapter 25

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