Page 25 of Becoming Selfish

Suddenly, I feel a deeper connection to this girl than I already had. She has a depth to her that I knew was there, but I didn’t know why. Marc has mentioned multiple times that she has had a hard couple of years, but for some reason this feels like just the tip of the iceberg.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m fine,” she brushes it off.

I laugh to myself at her toughness. “Yeah. I know you are.”

A few moments of silence fall between us before I ask again, “So, you think I should go then?”

She shrugs. “I’m not sure, Eli. I know what I would do, but I don’t know your history with him.”

I take another deep breath. “Do you want to know?”

She looks at me, surprised that I’ve offered this information to her. “Only if you want to share. I don’t want you to feel pressured to tell me anything that you don’t want to.”

“I don’t feel any pressure,” I assure her by shaking my head, grateful for her thoughtful response.

She shoots me the most genuine smile. Her dimples are as clear as day as she waits intently for my words.

“As you’ve learned, my dad is not my birth father. He’s actually my mom’s brother...which technically makes him my uncle, but he will always be my dad. My mom died during childbirth with me. My birth father, Jamie, was married to my mom, and from the stories I’ve heard over the years, he was a pretty good guy. But, once my mom died, and he was left alone with me, he couldn’t handle it, I guess. So, he started drinking, and over time it consumed him. My dad tried to help by getting him into rehab, but Jamie didn’t want to go. Instead, Jamie asked my dad to adopt me because he couldn’t handle the responsibility anymore.”

I take a moment to catch my breath after word-vomiting all over the place. I’ve never told this story before, but it felt good as the words came off my tongue. I look to Logan, her mouth parted and her eyes wide. Not with judgment or with pity. I think she’s just trying to process everything I just told her.

I eagerly wait for her response, but instead of hearing words, I feel her arms wrap around my neck. I didn’t expect her to hug me, but the warmth of her cheek pressed up against mine instantly settles my nerves over telling her my story. Snaking my arms around her back, I close my eyes. Her skin smells like vanilla, and her body fits perfectly in mine.

“You didn’t have to tell me all that,” she whispers in my ear as we continue to embrace.

“I wanted to,” I assure her as her lips form a smile against the skin of my neck.

She pulls away but continues to keep her eyes on me. Logan sits in the space that was previously empty between us, with her legs crossed underneath her. Her arm casually drapes over her leg, but her hand is resting on my thigh. She seems even more comfortable around me now than she did before.

“I think you should go to Indiana,” she tells me with confidence.

“Really? Even after everything I just told you?”

“Especially after that. But I don’t think you should go for Jamie. I think you should go for you.”

I look at her, confused.

“It could be a good opportunity to let go of some of your anger towards him. Don’t get me wrong, you have every right to be upset with him, but it could be the only chance you have to thank him.”

I pull away to create distance between us, a bit shocked by her answer, and to be honest, a little annoyed. I feel her hand slip off my leg. Part of me misses her touch, but most of me is frustrated by her opinion. Did she even listen to what I just told her?

A scowl forms across my face as I furrow my brows. “Thank him?” I ask, my voice louder and laced with confusion and anger.

Logan remains perfectly calm, looking me dead in the eyes. “Yes. Thank him. If Jamie didn’t recognize that he was going to be a shit father and ask your dad to take care of you, you would have a drastically different life than the one you have today. As selfish as he seems to be, that was one thing he did out of selflessness.”

My expression softens, and my shoulders relax as I take in her words. “I’ve never thought of it that way,” I tell her as my frustration towards her begins to dissipate. “Maybe you’re right.” I scoot closer to her, back to where I originally was, but she keeps her hands crossed in her lap.

She cocks her head to the side and gives me a smirk, fully showcasing her dimpled cheeks. “I usually am,” she chuckles, breaking up the serious tone of the conversation.

I laugh along with her, which is the first time I’ve laughed since my phone call with my dad this afternoon. How did she do that? How did she completely understand what I needed to hear, but also challenge me to think differently than how I was used to? I’ve never had someone speak to me with such candor before. After taking a bit more time to process the words she said, I realize that she is right. Suddenly, some of the anger I have towards my birth father begins to melt away, making me feel lighter. Whatever has caused Logan to have the wisdom to help shift my perspective, I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful for her.

Chapter 23

Logan

Marc walks back into the living room, looking sleepy and wearing his pajamas. I glance down at my phone to check the time, seeing that it’s already after one o’clock in the morning. I hadn’t realized it had gotten so late. Besides noticing the time, I have a text message waiting for me from my ex, Zac. My stomach drops, but I decide not to read it yet. Right now is not the time. I can feel the way Eli needs me in this moment, and for the first time in a long time, I’m happy to take care of someone else.

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