Page 150 of Becoming Selfish

Did she really just say that? Did I hear her correctly? Judging by her pretty green eyes frantically searching mine, I must’ve.

Logan drops her hand for me to respond, but I can’t.

I never once considered what it would feel like to hear those words leave Logan’s mouth. Honestly, I only ever thought about what it would be like for me to tell Logan that I loved her. I wanted her to know she is loved. I wanted her to know she is cherished. But now that the time is here, the words won’t come out. I’m speechless.

Hearing her say those three little words, the words I’ve had on the tip of my tongue for so long now, feels like an overwhelming out of body experience.

I feel light but full.

I feel a bit sick to my stomach, but in the right way, like I have butterflies floating around in there. Pterodactyls. Pterodactyls might be a better way to describe it.

I feel calm, the way I always do with her. An overwhelming peace takes over as my stomach and chest continue to flip inside out. It doesn’t make sense. Trust me, I’m aware.

I feel a bit scared. Scared that the only thing that calms all my fears and anxiety is wrapped up into one beautiful woman who is currently sitting in my lap. But I feel safe, like she’s exactly where I need to be.

More than anything, I feel like I’m home with her. She’s my home, where I’m centered and grounded, the best version of me, and I never knew how much I needed to hear those words—that she loves me.

She loves me. Fuck. The most selfless girl I’ve ever met, who loves hard, but has never been in love before. She loves me. She’s in love with me. I don’t deserve it, but I’ll absolutely, one hundred percent take it.

Logan continues to look at me, waiting for my response, worry beginning to form on her face, but I still can’t say anything. It’s like there’s something stuck in the back of my throat. Emotions, that’s what’s stuck back there. I feel them welling up, causing my lungs to be short of air and for my eyes to sting with tears.

What the fuck is going on? Just fucking say something. Put her out of her misery.

There’s a tightening in my chest, and I can’t seem to get the words out, so I decide to tell her in the way I’ve been telling her for weeks. I wrap my arms around her waist as I pull her to me, placing my lips on her tattooed collarbone as a couple of unwelcome tears escape my eyes.

If you would’ve told me a year ago that I would be sitting here with the girl of my dreams and never once thinking about another chick since I met her, I would’ve told you that you lost your goddamn mind. Hell, you could’ve said this three months ago, and I wouldn’t have believed you. But here I am, feeling like a completely different man as I hold the girl I’m utterly in love with in my lap, crying like a little bitch, and needing this forever.

I hold her for a few moments, with my lips on the black inked words, until finally, Logan gasps in realization.

She wraps her arms around my neck, burying one of her hands in my hair, holding me to her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks in a shaky voice when she realizes I’ve been silently telling her for weeks.

“I was,” I say with my head burrowed in her neck, hiding my face. “In my own way, I was telling you.”

Logan lifts my face to look me in the eyes. Her piercing greens are full of hope and love as she searches mine, wiping a traitorous tear from my cheek.

“I love you, Logan,” I finally tell her, feeling exponentially lighter as the words come off my tongue.

She lets out a little chuckle as the satisfied smile takes over her lips.

“I really fucking love you,” I add as I look at my favorite girl.

Logan wraps her arms around my shoulders, leaning on me and burying her face in the crook of my neck. I hold on to her as tight as I can, needing her and filling my nostrils with her sweet vanilla scent.

“I’ve loved you almost as long as I’ve known you,” I quietly add as I stroke her back.

“You could’ve told me.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that wouldn’t have freaked you out,” I say sarcastically with a halfhearted laugh. “Imagine if I would’ve told you if I loved you after you came over when I found out my birth father was dying. Or if I would’ve told you I was in love with you the night at the pond. I would’ve sounded insane.”

Logan sits up on my lap, looking me in the eyes, my hands dropping to her hips as she shakes her head.

“I loved you then,” she tells me, brushing the shaggy hair out of my eyes and wiping away the last of my almost-dried tears.

She cups my face as she presses her full lips to mine, exploring me with her perfectly pouty mouth.

I fucking love this girl with everything I am, and I finally get to tell her.

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