Page 125 of Becoming Selfish

“Jesus Christ, Alison.” Marc shakes his head.

“Better go grab your headphones, Ali!” Eli yells back to her, causing her to cackle on the couch.

“Eli James!” I smack his ass while he continues to walk us up the stairs, but Eli can’t help but laugh at his own joke.

“Kill me now,” Marc adds in the distance.

My strong, muscular man carries me as if I were as light as a feather straight to his bedroom. He kicks the door closed behind him before bending over and laying me on the bed. He climbs right on top of me, his mouth finding me with urgency as if he needs my lips on his right now.

His warm mouth peppers my body, covering me in kisses. He doesn’t miss a beat as he lifts my shirt up and over my head, leaving me in only my little bra and leggings. His mouth finds me again, and his graceful tongue glides against mine. He can’t seem to get enough, and neither can I as my hands find the hem of his shirt, pushing it up and needing it off of him.

Eli sits up on his knees, my legs open around him, as he peels his shirt off to reveal his perfectly toned abdomen and arms. I love his body, everything about him. I love his tattoos, I love that V that dips into his jeans, but mostly I just love him. All of him. Even the difficult parts that he’s not used to letting another person see. I love those parts too.

“Can I ask you something?” I say before my mind can stop me. Something has been eating at me for a few days now, and I think it’s best if I ask while we still have some clothes on.

Eli looks down at me, confused and maybe a bit concerned. “Of course.”

“Does it bother you that we haven’t had sex yet?” Feeling the need to cover up, I cross my arms over my chest.

The question has been swirling in my mind for a few days now since Patrick and Lauren reminded me that Eli has girls waiting for him wherever he goes. My last boyfriend cheated on me because I couldn’t get there with him physically. I’ve done much more with Eli than I ever did with Zac, but Eli is a lot more experienced, so it just makes me worried that maybe I’m not doing enough. I’m mad at myself for even letting the concerns seep their way in, but still, they’ve been there since the night I convinced myself he was cheating on me when, in reality, he was having a panic attack.

“Where is this coming from?” Eli sweetly asks with concern as I shrug in response.

“Come here,” he says as he pulls my arms, uncrossing them and bringing me forward.

My legs wrap around his waist as he sits on the bed, and my chest is right in Eli’s face, but he’s being respectful, keeping his eyes on me, trying to soothe my concern.

“Does it bother you?” he asks as he tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear.

“Sometimes,” I shrug. “I’m just worried that what we’re doing isn’t enough for you.”

Eli’s head falls in defeat. “Logan, you’re literally everything to me. How do you not see that?”

I stay silent because I don’t know what to say.

“Do you feel pressured?” he asks, worried. “Does it feel like I’m pressuring you?”

“No! No, not at all.” I quickly shake my head. “It’s me. I’m just getting in my head about it.”

“Well, get out of there,” he teases, lightening the mood. “I love every part of this. I love getting to take my time with you.” His eyes and hands run over my body.

“I’m getting there. I promise.”

Eli shakes his head. “Baby, there’s no rush,” he reminds me as he cups my face and presses his lips to mine.

As his mouth leaves me, he pulls back but keeps his hand on the side of my face, his eyes searching mine. My fingertips begin to trace the crevices of his muscles before swirling around the black ink on his arm. I have no idea how I got so lucky that this man wants me, chose me. But whatever it is, I’m not going to question it. I’m just going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Eli’s gaze follows my fingers as they explore him. “You done?” he asks with an arrogant smirk. He knows how much I love his body and his tattoos, and he’s giving me shit for it.

“Not yet.” I continue to memorize every rise and fall, keeping my eyes and hands glued to him.

His eyes flicker closed, and even though he’s teasing me about it, I know he loves when I touch him this way.

While Eli’s eyes are shut, I allow my lips to find his neck, kissing him, needing him. I work them over the spot below his ear, and Eli throws his head back in a low moan. Continuing to kiss his body, I sit in his lap and find the button on his jeans with my hands.

I don’t really know what I’m planning to do right now. I came into this weekend wanting to tell him that I was ready to have sex, but after last night, I don’t think I’m quite there.

All I know is that I was shocked when I finally saw his manhood last week, and I want to see it again. I want to hold it in my hand, maybe use my mouth. I’m not sure. I’ve never done that, but I want to do all the new and scary things with Eli. I just want him to feel good, and I love seeing how his body reacts to me.

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