“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry for how I treated you last night.” I recall the look of disappointment and hurt that donned Logan’s beautiful face as I spit angry words at her and swung my arm around Alyssa’s shoulder. I shake my head, trying to erase the memory, but knowing I’ll never forget the way Logan looked at me.
She doesn’t respond, so I decide to continue. “What I said to you, I didn’t mean it.” I close my eyes again as I try to muster up the words I need to say. “And trying to make you jealous, that was just really immature of me.”
“Why did you do it then?” she asks, her voice soft and without judgment or anger. Her sweet tone coaxes me to continue being vulnerable with her.
“I don’t know. Because I’m an idiot, I guess.” I pause as I search for the right words. “I don’t know how to be around a girl like you. I’ve never met anyone like you before,” I truthfully confess.
“What do you mean ‘like me’?” she asks, seeming genuinely confused.
From the bit of moonlight coming through her window, I see her shift on her side to face me.
“You have this...old soul, like you know more about life than most people. You have your shit together, and you don’t fall for my usual tricks.”
She chuckles. “I wouldn’t say that I have my shit together. Far from it, actually.”
“Well, regardless, I find myself constantly wanting to be around you, and I feel a little out of my element here. I don’t know how to handle feeling this way.” I pause again. Something about her makes me feel like I can be completely open as I ask, “Why did you stop our kiss last night? Was it something I did?”
“No. Of course not,” she admits. She sits up and faces me, crossing her legs underneath her. Getting up to sit up on the edge of her bed, I lean forward and face her, with my elbows resting on my knees. I can’t see much of her face, but from what I can tell, she’s being genuine and seems like she’s having a hard time saying the words that she wants to say. “That kiss was...it was great.” A slight smile forms on her lips at the memory. “It’s just that I think you’re looking for something that I can’t give you.” Her face falls.
“What do you think it is that I’m looking for?” I ask, my curiosity piqued.
“A casual hookup.”
My eyes widen for a moment at her direct response. “Normally, you’d be right, but that’s not how I think of you.” I pause for a moment, deciding whether I should just lay it all out there, but at this point, it feels like I have nothing to lose. “I like you, Logan. More than I’ve ever liked anyone, and it’s freaking me out. I don’t know what to do about it.”
She sighs heavily at my confession. “Eli, I think maybe it’s just the chase. I don’t think you know what you’re saying.” She looks at me as if I’ve gone crazy. Maybe I have.
“Like hell, I don’t. Logan, you can’t tell me how I feel about this thing between us. You’re more than just some random hookup to me.” My voice is desperate and my eyes pleading. How does she not see how much she means to me already?
“You don’t even know me. I doubt you’d feel that way if you did.” She pulls her gaze away from mine.
“I’m trying to get to know you, but you don’t make it very easy,” I tell her softly. I don’t want to guilt her, but it’s true.
“I can’t do this.” She shakes her head.
I pause, not knowing what to say to her. Why is she fighting against this so hard? I know she feels the chemistry the same way that I do. I’ve never been this vulnerable with someone, and she’s just shutting me down with every response.
“Who hurt you?”
“What?” Her eyes widen as she looks back at me. Even with just the dim moonlight coming through the window, I can see the color drain from her face.
“Who hurt you so badly that you can’t trust how you feel about me enough to give me a chance? I know I fucked up last night, but this is more than that.” There has to be something or someone one who fucked with her head that’s causing her not to trust herself around me.
She stays silent, pulling her eyes away from my intense glare.
Fuck. I don’t know how to get through to her. I don’t know how to get her to trust what I’m telling her.
“Logan, I want this. And I don’t mean in just a sexual way. I want whatever this is.” I motion between us. “This isn’t just some game to me. Please, just give me a chance,” I beg. I’ve never begged for anything, but I’m not above it when it comes to this girl.
“You’re Marc’s brother,” she counters, trying to find a reason to resist our connection.
“Who gives a fuck?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know, Eli. I think we should take a step back and try to be just friends.”
“No! I don’t want to be just friends,” I say louder than I intended to, shaking my head in denial.