Page 185 of Becoming Selfish

“No, Eli. I’m fine, I promise. I love being here, I do. I’m just working through some things.”

“Can I help you work through them?” he asks, tucking a fallen strand of hair behind my ear.

“It’s nothing. I’m fine, baby.” I lean in to kiss his lips, trying to convince him of my lie.

Chapter 77

Eli

“Why are you driving so fast?” Marc asks from the backseat.

“I just want to get home.” I keep my tone casual as I continue to drive a good fifteen miles over the speed limit on our way back to campus from Indiana, and my hand remains on Logan’s thigh as she sits in the passenger seat, needing to touch her as I always do.

“Are you seriously driving this fast so you guys can get home and fuck?” Marc accuses without filter, causing Logan and I to laugh at the truthfulness of his statement.

He’s not wrong. It’s been on my mind ninety-five percent of the weekend after Logan and I made that stupid bet. Our teasing each other the whole time didn’t help either. It just made us want each other all that much more.

But after last night, I could tell Logan was off. She didn’t say anything about it after our conversation regarding her family, but I could tell she was sad. Neither of us even thought about messing around last night. I just innocently held her while we slept. It simply wasn’t all that funny to tease each other when I knew she was upset.

She seems much more herself today, though, laughing and joking around, being her usual sweet self. The full night of rest must have done her good, and I can tell she’s anxious to get back to campus for the same reason as to why I’m speeding down the freeway right now.

“Don’t worry, Marc. Ali will be home tomorrow,” Logan adds with a giggle.

“But seriously, bro. Don’t expect to see us again until Monday,” I chime in with a laugh. I fully plan on spending Saturday evening and my entire Sunday buried between Logan’s legs, but I don’t need to divulge that part.

“Seeing as the last thing I want to think about is my brother and best friend’s sex life, how about a little music?” Marc says, before proceeding to blast his playlist through my speakers.

We pass the Minnesota state line, bringing us that much closer to our destination and my inevitable heaven.

“EJ, what’s your road schedule look like coming up?” Marc turns down the music so he can hear me.

“We have UMass on Wednesday. Then we fly to Maryland for Saturday’s game, and we stay on the east coast to play Rutgers the following Wednesday. We’ll fly a red-eye so we can play Nebraska at home the next day.”

Logan is already well aware of my schedule as she keeps her gaze out the passenger side window.

“The Nebraska game should be a good one,” my brother says.

“Then off for break. I’ll be home until after Christmas,” I add, hoping that the last part will soften the blow for Logan. She hates when I’m gone, almost as much as I hate leaving her. This is just a reminder that I need to talk to her about what our plan will be if and when I get called up and have to leave.

I turn up the dial to drown out my voice, hoping Marc won’t be able to hear me. “Baby, are you going to be okay while I’m gone?” I squeeze Logan’s thigh. “This is going to be the longest we’ve been away from each other.”

Seeing her get upset out of the blue last night has me a little worried about leaving her this week. That just wasn’t like Logan. But it’s the holidays, so I’m sure it’s a sentimental time for her to be without her parents. I just want to get this road trip over with, so I can spend four weeks of winter break with her.

This eight-day road trip will be a good practice run if we have to do long-distance for a bit. We have good communication, so I’m not worried about that, but I’ve never needed to be near someone as much as I do Logan. Having her around me always calms me down, and I’m a little nervous about being away from her for so long. Not to mention, as independent as Logan is, I know she has a hard time when I’m not home.

“I know, I’m dreading it,” she tells me. “But I have finals to distract me. I’m going to miss you, though.”

“I always miss you,” I remind her as I intertwine my fingers with hers, continuing to drive a little too quickly back to campus.

I urgently shut Logan’s dorm room door behind us, being sure to lock it as I do. I’m happy it’s still Thanksgiving break, and most students won’t be back until tomorrow because I have a feeling Logan and I are about to be loud as fuck tonight, and I don’t want to be unneighborly. But also, I’m going to be away from my girl for eight days, so I don’t really give a shit.

As soon as her door is closed, I grab Logan and pin her to the back of it, needing my lips on hers.

“So, I guess we both won the bet,” my overly competitive girl says between feverish kisses and panting breaths.

“Logan, we both fucking lost, and you know it.” My forehead rests on hers as my hips hold her to the door. “That was a lose-lose situation. Let’s never do that bullshit again.”

Logan’s hands dart up, quickly unbuttoning her outer layers as our mouths explore one another’s, but I stop her movements.

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