Page 92 of I Love My Mistake

I stare at the door, knowing my glass is empty. “To best girlfriends.”

Jessica puts her drink down and announces quickly, “I got a raise!”

Amber and I both react. I turn around. “You did?”

Amber knows Jess is trying to change the subject, but the air is not lighter and the mood is not gone. “Oh wow – that’s so great, Jess!”

Jess nods. “I did. Chris is taking me out to celebrate tomorrow.”

The second she says that, Amber looks at me. And Jess shuts her mouth, stops smiling. The severity of their change makes me realize why they’re reacting.

They know I’m alone. That I don’t have someone to celebrate with. I have them. I don’t need anyone. This is what I tell myself. But I’m angry at their faces.

“Why are you both looking at me like that? I’m not some pity case,” I spit out, sounding angrier than I thought I would.

Jess stammers, embarrassed. “No. We don’t think you are.”

Amber’s eyes are filled with compassion. “We just know you’re hurting.” She goes silent, looking behind me. Moving her lips as little as possible, she whispers, “He’s back.”

My stomach lurches and turns over. Amber pastes a smile on her face and greets him. “Michael! Back so soon?”

I don’t want to look at him. I’m too susceptible. It’s like Jessica said. Be careful. I don’t even know what I’m worried about. He’s married. There’s no chance I would ever do anything with him. I’m safe.

“Nicole.” His tone is so surprising, so soft – that I look up. He kneels next to me, staring into my eyes as though my friends aren’t here anymore.

I turn toward him. “What is it?” His eyes are haunted, so filled with yearning.

“I left her,” he chokes. He reaches for my face, his olive skin brightening in the lamplight. His fingers touch my cheek like they did that night in the studio.

I bring my hand to cover his, pressing it into my flesh. “You left her?”

He nods. My gaze flows up and follows him as he pulls his hand away and stands up. “I wanted you to know.” He turns and leaves. I shift in my seat, facing the front door again. I watch him make his way through the crowd, and leave. I stare at the door as it shuts behind him.

I turn around, dazed. All three of us are speechless. We all have the same expression on our faces. My eyes fall on Amber and her mouth opens.

But I don’t want to know her opinion.

Jess says my name. I shoot her a look. “Jess. Don’t.” Her eyes register so many things as I look at her. We both know where I am. We both know she helped me get here. We both know what it feels like to have your heart slashed into a zillion bloody pieces.

I snatch up my things, leap out of my seat and run for the door. “Michael!”

I don’t know what will happen.

I don’t know if he’s the one.

I don’t know if he’ll break me.

I don’t know.

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