Page 85 of I Love My Mistake

JESSICA

Chapter Thirty-Seven

I’m standing outside, staring at Amber, who’s just said my name in such a way that has knocked me sideways. Mark and my best friend are way off down the street. And the world is coming to an end.

When I saw Mark walking into Angel’s Share, I thought I was seeing things. The next thing I thought was, Holy shit, he’s stalking me. He’s going to confront me, right here in front of Chris, ask me why I bailed on him, why I didn’t give him a chance! I had noooooooo idea he was looking at Nicole. It seemed like his focus was on me. When she said his name at the exact same time as I did, and Mark looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time, I was completely flabbergasted. I knew instantly exactly what was going on. He is the guy she’s been locked up in bed with for the past two days… the guy she cared enough about to bring him out to meet me and Amber.

Of all the people on the planet – how could it have been my Mark?

I know this is irrational. I know I’ve found someone else. I also know that Chris is amazing and that he’s my guy. But Mark did something to me, when we met. Shit, he didn’t just have sex with me… he changed my life! I mean, there was Mark, saying you’re beautiful and giving me flowers and opening up my world again – after David had closed it by breaking my fucking heart. I never thought I’d like men again, much less trust them, and Mark… well… he just can’t be dating Nicole!!! He just can’t. And there is no way she can date Mark. There is no way I could handle that. Not this soon! I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I mean… you’ve got to be kidding me. This is so not happening. When they went running out of the bar, him following her and not even looking at me – I felt so angry. Blind fury I didn’t even know I had in me came rushing out, just like when I thought James was dating my boss, and when I saw him talking to Brittany… and shit!! I mean really, holy fucking shit – this is so not fucking happening! And yes, that’s a lot of swear words, but ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDDING ME?!!

I jumped up and ran after them. I had to stop it.As I yelled at Mark outside, my head spun. All I was thinking was you can’t take her from me! Not from just two days of sex! I’ve known her for years! I will not let my friendship be torn to shreds by some guy.

She’s mine. She’s my friend. She’s my family.

You’re great and all. But you’re just you. Some guy. NOT my family.

And this will tear us apart.

After Amber came out and as Nicole ran down the street, I spat at him, “Did you do this to get back at me?”

Mark was shocked. “What? No – Amber, tell her. I had no idea you guys were friends. Amber introduced us and your name ever came up.”

“Oh that’s just great.”

That’s when Amber said, “Jessica!” in such a way that it knocked me sideways. She’s so good at that.

And this is where I am now.

Mark runs after Nicole and Amber walks to me, her hands out. “I didn’t know he was that guy. You never told me his name! You just said you’d slept with some guy who was in town for only one night. How could I know?”

I nod, and wrap my arms around myself. “What are the odds?”

Amber aligns herself with my side and mumbles, “I know, right?”

Together we watch fucking Mark catch up to our Nicole and turn her around.

“Amber, she can’t date him,” I whisper.

Amber pauses, thinking. She looks at me from the corner of her eyes. “I don’t blame you. Well, you know Nico – she doesn’t get attached.” She puts her hands in her jacket, pausing. “Well… except for of course that one guy.”

I blink, turning to face her. “What guy?”

“Well, you know. Michael. She fell in love with him! And it turns out he was married.” She pauses, looking at my confused face. “Remember?”

I stare at her, bitch-slapped. “He was married? She slept with Mark and a married man? What the fuck?”

Amber’s eyes flash wide. “No! No no no. She didn’t sleep with Michael. She didn’t know he was married and the second she found out, she stopped using the studio and never saw him again!”

Why did she just tell Amber? My heart aches thinking I’m on the outside, the third wheel. I don’t want to be that. “Oh. God, married. That’s so horrible! Wait… why didn’t she want me to know?”

Amber stares at me. “She was devastated. She asked me to keep it to myself so she could get over it and never talk about it again. And you were going through what you were going through. She and I didn’t say it, but we were walking around eggshells with you for awhile.”

I catch Chris’s eyes looking at me, through the window. “Oh. I didn’t know that.” He’s staring at me from our table. I wave, weakly. He turns away.

I hear Amber saying, “Anyway…this, so soon after that. It’s going to kill her.”

I look over to see Nicole kiss Mark. My stomach lurches. A jealous splinter tears through me. This is not something I ever expected to see. Amber takes my hand.

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