Page 106 of I Love My Mistake

MARK

Chapter Forty-Eight

Three Thousand Miles Away

“Mark, you’ve gotta stop with the long face, man. You’re killing me. She’s just a woman just like every other woman.” Brendan leans back on his bar stool and pulls his chin with body language that says c’mon. Get it together already. He’s a good friend I’ve known since college – supportive, easy-going, has my back. He’s the type who likes to play around, have a good time, letting nothing – and I mean nothing – come in the way of that. Especially not love. I used to be like him. But then something happened in me. I started to feel an emptiness, like I was missing something. The crazy party life got boring and I started to itch for something more. So I started looking, and I’ve been looking for a while… but it seemed like she wasn’t out there.

And then I met Nicole.

And then I lost Nicole.

Result? That little space exploded into a gaping hole that actually hurts. And not just when I see something that reminds me of her, it hurts even when I’m sleeping. I have no idea how I’m going to get over this. Even as I rub my thumb up and down the cold side of my pint glass, I’m thinking of Nicole and how she watched me do this the night we met. That wicked, sexy smile she gave me as I asked her why she and Amber both had stared at my stupid thumb. The way those intelligent and deeply soulful eyes danced as she tried to think whether or not to answer me. I can’t ask Brendon why everything I do now reminds me of her. I can ask him, how can someone you only knew two days, inject themselves into every day after that? He’d bitch-slap me and tell me to snap out of it.

But I can’t say nothing. “She’s not like every woman, Brendon. She’s just not.”

A huff of air pops out of Brendon as he loses all respect for me. He lifts his hand to the bartender – a super sexy strawberry-blonde with what must be a push-up bra under that black low-cut halter top. “Can we get a couple glasses of scotch, neat?”

Strawberry plants her hands on the bar and gives Brendan a self-assured smile. “What kind, honey?”

Brendon looks to the bottles on the shelves behind her, reading the labels and weighing his options. He squints and pushes his lips to the side like he always does when he concentrates. He relaxes when he sees what he wants, flashes her a heated stare and says, “Let’s do Oban.”

Strawberry smiles in an I want to fuck you way. “Good choice.” She turns and saunters to the bottle, leans up to her tiptoes with her cute little ass in the air as she reaches for it. And still I feel nothing.

Brendan turns his head halfway to me and raises one eyebrow over a blue eye. “Guess what I’m doing later.”

I grin, but look down to my almost-full pint. “Looks like the door is open.”

He gives a small chuckle, nice and discreet so she doesn’t hear, more like halted breaths. Neither of us has ever had a problem getting laid, but I’m not really sure what Brendan sees in the casual sex stuff anymore. At some point you have to grow out of it.

Strawberry strolls back and plops the two glasses in front of us like a woman who’s done it a million times. Her pour is generous, which says it all about Brendan’s chances. The scotch is four fingers deep when it should have been two. Yep – that door is wide open. It looks like it’d be open for me, too, if I wanted. I thank her for the drink, but my attitude makes it clear I’m not interested, so she focuses her smile wholly on Brendan as he smoothly asks for her name.

“Annie,” she says from behind a beautiful smile, tiny freckles making her even more appealing.

Brendan leans back in his chair, confidence personified. “Annie… I like it.”

She holds his eyes for an extra charged beat. “Good.” She taps the bar counter once and heads away to help other customers, but looks over her shoulder with a seductive smile once before her eyelashes fall to the floor.

Brendan shakes his head, taken aback. He looks my way and whispers, “Oooohoooo. Wow. Did you see that?” widening his eyes like a cartoon.

“I think you may have just met your match.”

He doesn’t answer me… interesting. It looks like he’s soaking in what happened, or thinking about it. Huh. Motioning to my glass and bringing his own up, his brows crease his forehead up. “To meeting new women.”

I lift my glass up to tap his, half-heartedly. We both drink a healthy sized gulp of the single malt, enjoying the slow burn as it coats our throats. “Mmm. That’s good stuff,” I breathe, looking at it as I turn the glass in my hand.

“Or course it is. It’s Oban.” He looks down to the counter and points to my phone, reading. “Hey. Looks like you got an email from a Jessica.” He gives my shoulder a slap as I jerk to look at the screen. “Things are looking up already!”

My adrenaline explodes like someone punched me in the chest. Sure enough, there’s Jessica’s name staring back from a preview alert. I snatch the phone up, slide it open, and turn away from Brendan's probing curiosity so that I can read it.

Hi Mark. I’m sure I’m the last person you want to hear from. I’ve been a real idiot and I wanted to write and tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything that happened and I was wrong. Yep – you read that right. I was wrong. Here’s the thing - you really helped me when we met, and that meant something to me. But it wasn’t fair of me to try and hold you in that space forever. Emotions aren’t logical sometimes, am I right?

I hope you can forgive me, and I hope you can forgive Nicole. I didn’t give her a choice, and you might not understand how close my girlfriends and I are, but we’re loyal to the end. That’s why she did what she did. It was my fault, not hers. But I know her just as well as anyone does, and she really cares about you. More than I should even be saying. Why am I saying it then? Because if there’s a hesitation in your heart because of me, I want to rip it away and give you guys my blessing.

Again… I’m sorry. This time I know I really was a total spaz. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Really… so sorry. Please forgive. – Jessica

P.S. And if you could come back to New York as soon as you can, that would be great. I’ll even let you slap me. Just kidding. Don’t.

My head shoots up. I’m stunned.

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