Page 45 of Lying Hearts

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Brendan

Pockets: full of frustration in the form of my fists. Head: down. With: Teri. Talking: Nope.

“Why are you so quiet tonight, B? Something bothering you at work?”

I don’t hear her. I’m not really here. I’m seeing Mark waking up in the morning and seeing Teri in the kitchen making pancakes like she does. I’m seeing Mark’s face when he tells me without words that I’m a coward. Am I a coward? Hell no.

I stop walking. “Teri.”

She turns, her heel scraping on the sidewalk. Zipping up her dark grey jacket, she asks, “Yeah, B?”

“You’ve got style, you know that?”

“Thank you. Uh-oh. I sense something bad coming.”

“I’ve always been honest with you, right? Told you what’s up.”

She looks to the other side of the street, smiling sideways, one corner higher. “Oh yeah. You always tell me how it’s going to be.” She adopts a voice that’s supposed to be me. “Don’t get attached Teri. This is as far as this will ever go. But I’ll treat you right. You just can’t ever expect me to be anything you dreamed about when you were a little girl.” Her hands go up with quotation signs and she gets very serious. “And I will be fucking other women.”

I look off to the distance. “Jesus. You memorized it.”

“I’ve heard it enough!” She touches my cheek. “Why are you asking? You want to make sure I don’t get my feelings hurt if I don’t see you again for awhile after tonight?”

“No.” I remove her hand and hold it in both of mine. “It’s because I’m hoping you won’t hate me for not taking you back to my place. I have somewhere I need to be. I promised someone something.”

Her eyes cloud over. “Oh. I didn’t see that coming.”

“Yeah. Sorry. I was trying to avoid it.”

She backs away a step, pulls back her hand, holding it up. “Wait. Who’s waiting for you at this hour? Please don’t tell me you were about to use me to get over another girl.”

Hearing it put so directly sounds awful. Thinking fast, I do what I rarely do. I lie. It’ll hurt less and I like her that much. “It’s not that. I have to go help a guy who’s got his heart all busted up. I didn’t want to go. I’d much rather go with you.”

The frown lines smooth out and she exhales, and looks away again, relieved. “Oh. Sorry. I was just surprised for a second. That’s not something I’ve ever seen you do.”

“What?”

“Ditch one woman for another. I mean, I know you’re not the tied-down type, but you usually focus on one of us at a time. It gives a woman a sense that she means something.” She blinks away the vulnerability, tries to cover it up with a smile.

I hold out my hand, asking her to take it again. She does. “Teri, you do mean something.”

“I know. I just need you to know it, too.”

“I do.”

“I do have self-respect. And I like to fuck you. The two can co-exist.”

“They sure can.” I laugh and bend to kiss her hand before releasing it. “Another time.”

“Oh, alright. Enough with the seriousness. Jeez. Go help your friend. I’ll see you later.”

“Let me call you a cab.”

“It’s okay. I’ll go back in and have Bobby call me one. I’ll be safe. Don’t worry.”

I watch her walk inside before I turn in the direction of Le Barré. Checking the time on my phone, I discover it’s a sad 2:37 a.m. I hope she’s still there.

As I get closer, it’s obvious the place is dark. They must have gone home. I fucked up. I care, which is hard for me to understand or believe. I have to see her again. I feel it. I really need to talk to her. What is wrong with me?

I’ll just go and look inside the window, see if she’s there. If I have to walk home alone after this, I have a feeling I will replay my mistake over and over until my frontal lobe falls right the fuck out. The last two steps until I get to the window are fucking torture. I’m sure when I look in, she’ll be gone. C’mon Annie, still be there.

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