Page 48 of Tangling Hearts

Chapter Thirty-Two

Annie

Golden Gate Park. Sun: annoyingly cheery.

Christiano’s quiet concentration is the calm before the storm. During lunch we talked about the people from back home in Tuscany, how I’ve found some new friends in Laura, Taryn, and Manny. I even told him about the girl I had to fire for stealing. We haven’t spoken about Brendan. Truthfully, I don’t know what to say, now that Brendan isn’t speaking to me. There is hope in my heart that that will change and it’s taking everything I have not to lean on Christiano for support. He’s always been a rock to hold onto in an ocean of uncharted territory. It was natural for him to fall into that role when I was so young and a foreigner who didn’t even speak the language and knew nothing about the customs. But now I’m swimming on my own. It’s just so hard to remember that with the familiarity of his presence so close, today. It’s extremely fucking hard.

As a little girl of about five runs by us on the path, Christiano quietly says, “Bella?”

I keep my eyes on the parents of the little girl. They’re talking to each other with smiles on their faces, a family. I want that. “Yes?”

About the family, he smiles, “They look happy,” and then reaches for my hand as he’s done a thousand times. But it’s not the hand I’m used to anymore. I shake my head against the growing knot in my throat. I’m not ready for this conversation. I don’t think I ever will be! “Christiano, I don’t know what to say.”

“You do not have to say it. Do you not think I know every expression you make?” He stops walking and takes my chin in hand. “I can see your confusion. That confusion gives me hope. Do not take that away from me. Let us enjoy each other.” He leans in to kiss me. I close my eyes and feel his kiss rush into my body like a wicked thing, so accustomed to his touch, my body trained to respond to it.

When he pulls away, I look up into his handsome, rugged face, and whisper helplessly, “Okay.”

We walk along the park’s path past teenagers smoking with wayward glances, afraid they’ll get caught, friends lying on blankets on the grass, more families, and couples kissing with a lot less weight on their shoulders than we have. My sweater feels not nearly strong enough against the cold that’s in my heart, even though it’s a bright, sunny day, and after a few more steps, I ask Christiano if we can go now. “I need a nap before work.” The fatigue taking over me is so strong I have to lean on him as we make our way to my car. “I didn’t realize we parked this far away.”

“Let me get the car for you. I can drive it to there and pick you up.” He points to the street where there isn’t a single open parking spot. I nod and slump to the grass.

“That would be great, thank you.”

He looks so tall above me now as he hesitates, glancing my way before he leaves. He kneels and looks at me for a long silent moment, so long that my heart feels like it might melt under the sadness of this decision. Can I turn this love away for one that might never happen?

And then he drops the biggest bomb of all. “What if I stayed here with you until your bar hits success? I do not need to work. I can take as much time as I like. Money is no issue, you know that. I would be here to support you and we could explore the city together, travel to the beach when you have free time. Whatever you like…”

I blink, shocked. “You would do that for me? But you love your home!”

He earnestly searches my eyes. “We could go there after the bar is a success. We do not have to think about that now! Stop with that face. I am not offering you help with my money. I know you want to do this on your self.”

As always, his misuse of the English language produces a small smile. “No more fighting my need for independence? This is a big switch.”

He frowns and looks to the street. “Even the stubborn can change.”

Brendan’s face jumps into my mind. “But Christiano…”

He interrupts me by standing up. “Think on it, Bella. Do not rush, please. I’ll be back with your car.” I nod and watch his steady gate heading for where we parked. When he passes a family, I see him bow a hello. They all smile. How could they not, he’s so elegant.

With blades of soft grass cushioning my body and thoughts, I stare, dazed, at the scattered, white clouds above me, thinking about what he’s offered. I came back to this city to heal a wound and chase a dream. I got to know Brendan and find out that what I’d felt back then was very real. It may have been a dream, but it wasn’t a fantasy. They say our first instinct is right and that it should be trusted and not fought against. What about our second one? I know that if I accept Christiano’s offer, I’ll be closing the door on Brendan. I can’t imagine running into him with Christiano on my arm. He knows what he looks like…would he even care? The way he looked at me last night was so horrible. There was hatred in his eyes.

A breeze travels over my body and the clouds shift, bending and fading, their cotton-ball edges calming. As I watch them, hypnotized, I feel more and more certain I could be happy with Christiano. We’d travel, maybe live in both countries, split our time. If we had children they’d be bilingual. He’d be a good father. They’d love him. That would be a life any woman would want.

“Bella!”

He’s parallel-parked out on the street, his body leaned toward the rolled down window. I pull myself up and walk to him, staring at his face, considering what I could do, what sacrifice I could make. Because I know I would be sacrificing something if I chose him. There’s love and then there’s true love. There’s happiness, and there’s joy. There’s Christiano, and there’s Brendan Clark… the other half of my soul. Could I wait until our next life?

“We have to talk,” I say, climbing into the car.

His face flickers and he nods, putting the car in drive, turning away, and from what he knows is coming.

---