Page 66 of F*ck You

We headed back to my condo to grab some bottles of water then took off down the beach. Sand flew out around us from where our feet pounded the sand, punishing the grainy cushion for all the countless mistakes I’d made over time, especially those which happened recently.

I let all the pent-up anger flow through me and left it behind in the literal dust clouds that hung in the air behind us.

It was hard as hell to admit when I was wrong, but I was ready to throw everything out the window and run into a new day. This life was amazing, and it was worth experiencing it sober.

Panting, we reached the pier which was now filling up with people. You could tell the locals from the tourists. One walked with a casual, relaxed gait while the other experienced each moment through a camera lens.

“You wanna go again, or take a break?”

“Let’s go again. Try and catch up.”

I took off back down the beach, running the whole way to the opposite end of the line of condos. At one point, I thought I saw wisps of dark hair framing ocean eyes, but when I turned to look, it had disappeared. I shook my head and pushed on, pumping my legs harder and running faster despite how much the sand tried to slow me down. I wanted to see him so badly, I was probably hallucinating. As desperately as I wanted to go pounding on his door, I understood he needed time to himself, and I could make things majorly worse by invading his safe place. I had to believe that he would talk to me again. There just wasn’t any other option.

Especially since Larsen still seemed to be with me. If Chase could never forgive me, then would this screw up everything? I didn’t want to come between them, they’d been friends practically since birth. If it came down to it, then I’d rather leave so they could continue to be friends.

Fighting back the tears in my eyes, I reached the end of the condo line, turned around, and started running again. I did another lap without a break and ignored Larsen’s calls. He managed to remain right on my heels, keeping pace with my every step.

My body lurched forward as I reached the pier, and I threw my arms out to hug the wooden pillar. Breaths wheezed out of me as my heart raced faster than a cheetah. I’d pushed myself hard, felt the burn, and now I was on fire.

Larsen held his hands out to stop himself against the pillar by my side, not quite as out of breath but still panting a good deal. He rolled so his back was against the wood, and he looked at me with his whiskey eyes.

“Feel better?” he panted, and I nodded. Tearing myself up was surprisingly relaxing.

I let gravity take over as I fell to the sand, allowing the crashing waves to calm me as I looked up to the sky. “Do you think I screwed things up too much?”

He slid down until he was lying beside me. “Nah, he’ll come around, I’m sure of it. He’s been through a lot, and when he lost Chelsea, it completely wrecked him.”

I knew his words were meant to comfort me, but all they did was make me feel more like shit.

“It took him a lot of time to come to terms with it, and he promised himself he would do what he could to protect others. Did he tell you about the time when he first met you?”

“No?” I didn’t know what he meant by that. “He carried my suitcase while I carried my…uh…box of booze. I didn’t pay him any attention though, I wasn’t in the frame of mine for that.”

“I know you didn’t, and so did he. He saw you, how you were, and was concerned. He didn’t know you at the time, and he knew he should walk away and not get pulled into another Chelsea, but he couldn’t seem to keep himself away from you.”

“Until now.”

“No martyrdom here, Starfish. You went through a lot of shit, you dealt, and now you’re moving on. I know he wants to be there along for the ride, and he will be, believe me. But my point is, even before he actually knew you, he couldn’t stay away.”

I thought back to the time when I was drunk in the ocean and he pulled me out. He let me sleep it off while he spent who even knows how much time in my kitchen making me a whole fucking brunch buffet. I recalled the tightness around his eyes, and now I understand why, but I was still confused with why he continued to stick around.

Chase saw what a fucking mess I was, but he stayed. He made it a point to hang out with me, to fight off not only a random guy but even my ex. Maybe Larsen was right, and I needed to give it some time and he’d come around.

I breathed out a long breath. If that was it, then it was going to be one hell of a wait.

After doing everything I could to distract myself from the ticking clock, I was on the verge of pulling out my hair with the unknown about what was going on with Chase.

Unable to wait any longer than midafternoon of that same day, I found myself standing in front of Chase’s condo, knocking on his door. I thought I saw a flicker in the window curtain, but when I looked straight at it, there wasn’t anything. I must have been seeing things.

After standing out there in the heat for five minutes straight knocking on his door, I gave in. I hung the bag of cookies I’d made on the doorknob along with a note saying I was sorry and that I wanted to talk with him again. I missed him, and I missed our time spent in the ocean.

When the door still didn’t budge, I walked away and headed back to the condo to ice my legs. They were growing sore as shit from how hard I pushed during the run this morning.

* * *

Chase

The door waswarm under my skin as I leaned my forehead against it. She was on the other side of it, and all I had to do was open the door and let her say what she had to say, but I couldn’t.

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