Page 46 of F*ck You

He nodded.

“Yeah.”

The silence was so deafening, and my heart pounded at such an alarming rate, that it felt like it would break my eardrums. Did I fuck everything up by not telling them sooner? The expressions on their faces concerned me, and I wrapped my arms around my stomach to protect myself. I didn’t know if I could handle pissing them off and being rejected moments after opening up to them. The darkness in their eyes scared me, and I couldn’t help but believe it might be at me. Why couldn’t the earth open up and swallow me whole when I wanted it to?

“Why didn’t you tell us?” While I felt like I knew them so well now, I didn’t know whom the voice belonged to. I was disconnecting, it was the only way to deal with pain. The only way I could walk this world broken after being shattered barely minutes after believing they would never leave.

I was stronger than this, something I was well aware of, but I was trapped on the precipice of being utterly broken, suspended between my feelings for these men and the jagged rocks of disappointment below. I couldn’t make up my mind whether I wanted to crawl under my bed and live out my days there, or fight and scream in my defense and claw my way out from under this scrutiny. There was no middle ground, it was all do or don’t.

Soft hands on my arms kept me from sliding down the wall to my butt. “What did we do to her? Fuck.”

I tasted coconut as lips landed on mine, bringing me back to my surroundings and preventing my mind from continuing its spiral. The lips tasted like Chase, and I remembered the coconut lip balm he carried around everywhere. He pressed his lips harder against mine until I opened up and started kissing him back. My arms seemed to have found feeling in them again as they unwrapped from my middle, and I rested my palms against his stomach. His hands pressed against my back as his arms wound around me, pulling me closer against him.

The fog lifted, and I recalled what was going on. I fought away the guilt, not wanting to take another trip to the darkness now that I’d been reminded about my beam of light.

“Are you with us?” Chase inquired, after he broke apart from my mouth and studied my face.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah. What’s up?”

“Thought we lost you there for a moment.”

“I just felt bad.”

He scrunched his brows together. “Why?”

“For not telling you sooner. I saw the anger on your faces, and I just…I panicked.”

“Starfish…” Larsen’s hand was on my back as he closed in. “It wasn’t anger at you. It was because of the whole situation. We take this seriously, and we want you to be safe. If someone is actually threatening you, then we want to help find out who it is and make them stop however we can.” He placed a kiss on the side of my head. “We’re worried about you.”

I rested my head on his shoulder. “Thanks.”

“Thanks for making you freak out?” Chase asked quizzically.

I thumped my hand against his chest with the slightest chuckle. “No. For caring.”

Chase pressed his lips against my forehead, and I reveled in the feeling of being in their arms again. “Of course we care,” he whispered against my skin.

“Now,” Larsen began, “do you have any idea who this could have been?”

I shrugged out of their embrace and pressed my hands against my temples with a sigh. “Not really. Unless the ex showed up” —I shuddered at the thought— “which I highly doubt since no one knows where I am. Then there’s the bitch who hates me.”

They shared a confused look. “Who?” Larsen asked.

“That Giana bitch. She doesn’t like that I’m hanging out with you guys.” I threw my head back with a maniacal laugh. “If she only knew the extent of things.” I dropped my hands and looked at them. “But I doubt it’s her. No offense, but I don’t think she’s smart enough. Or maybe that’s just my pettiness coming out, but whatever.”

“Her parents do pretty much run this town,” Chase mused out loud, “but I’ve never known her to be vindictive enough for that. Although this kind of thing has never happened before that we know of.”

Larsen wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in for a quick hug before letting me go. He handed me a shirt from the closest pile of clothes on the floor, smirking when he realized what shirt he grabbed. “Not that I want you to cover up or anything, because I really don’t, but you’re getting goosebumps. And I think this just means we might have to keep a closer eye on you.”

I slid into the familiar t-shirt that was more like a dress on me. I hadn’t wanted to wash it since the first time I got it, so it kept ending up in a random pile of clothes on the floor instead. “How so? We’ve all been extra busy with work.”

“You’re off tomorrow, right? After surfing, I can take you to get a new phone, that way you can call us if something happens,” Chase offered.

“Plus, we might have to just spend the night here,” Larsen said, slipping on his pair of pants that he must have grabbed from the living room. “You know…for safety or something.”

I laughed. “I’m not opposed to that plan. Safety is important, after all.”

“Then it’s settled.” Chase rubbed his hands together. “I’m going to make sure this pizza doesn’t go to waste. Want to pop in another movie? I feel like it’s going to be a long night.” He winked at me as he passed by to get to the pizza, and I shook my head.

I followed them into the kitchen, and when they went for the pizza, I went for the whiskey. Chase looked up, and his whole body stilled for a few seconds before Larsen bumped him and he turned his focus back to the food.

That was weird. I didn’t know what that was about, but I poured some into a glass with ice and soda then joined them both on the couch as the opening credits for the second movie began.

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