Page 16 of F*ck You

6

Lee

Standing at the kitchen window, I was mesmerized by all the people I saw running on the beach. They had so much energy and seemed to find such joy in this activity. Running on sand sounded like a horrible hobby to have, but I was so intrigued by why they found so much joy in it.

I traced the rim of the whiskey bottle with my thumb, biting my lip as I debated on whether I should take the bottle to bed and start over fresh tomorrow, or say fuck it all to hell and see how difficult it really was to run in the sand.

The little pang from biting my lip barely registered as I watched another person run by. “Fuck it.” Giving in, I set the bottle down, hooked the house key to my bra strap, and walked outside.

The sun was hotter than ever, and I was tempted to give in, but I fought the urge to turn around. Shaking my hands out at my sides, I rolled my neck and shoulders then jogged down the steps.

As another person ran by along the shore, I hurried to catch up. She was going at a steady pace. I huffed and puffed as I tried to keep up, watching her ponytail swing back and forth with every step she took.

She was too fast for me though, and the distance between us grew.

“Are you alright?” A man ran along at my side and looked at me with concern.

“Yeah…I’m great…” I flashed him a forced smile as I fought for my life as quietly as I could. “Great day for a…relaxing run…I’ll see you at…the finish line.”

With a hesitant nod, he sped past and fell into pace with the girl who was quickly gaining even more distance.

My breathing sounded like a dying seagull, and my legs refused to go anymore. I lurched forward, and kids screamed as vomit went spewing from my mouth.

This was a horrible fucking idea, what was I thinking?

Wiping my mouth on my shirt, I glanced up in time to see the girl in the pink bikini. She was standing with some girls, all of whom were watching me like I was the biggest train wreck of their lives. To be fair, I probably was.

Her hands were pressed to her chest, and her mouth was opened in disgust. When our eyes met, she took a step back as though my running vomit was contagious, so I flipped her off and turned around.

Maybe someday I would make friends here, but that day was not today.

I reached the steps of the condo when I saw the familiar face of Miss Morris. Her eyes were filled with pity as she watched me slouch back home after a failed attempt to do something different for once.

“Oh, honey.”

“Don’t you ‘oh honey’ me, Miss Morris.” I pointed at her as I reached the porch and unlocked the door. “I don’t need anyone’s pity. Sometimes I make bad choices, and running on the beach until I scare children by spewing vomit at them counts as one of the bad choices.”

She followed me inside, and I washed my mouth out with whiskey.

She shut the door behind her and sighed. “That’s not what I meant, but I see your point. I came by to see how you were getting on here and if you needed any help.”

I leaned against the counter and let the bottle hang from my fingers. I didn’t miss how she averted her gaze to keep me from seeing how she noticed it. I’d been judged all my life. I was never good enough, and I was always accused of being an alcoholic, even if it was only during jokes when someone would see me take a sip when I rarely ever drank. I finally decided it was time to prove them right, because why the fuck not? So here I was, turning into the alcoholic everyone always thought I would be, about to berate the lady who was letting me live here for a price a lot cheaper than I could afford.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I took a deep breath to calm myself. I wouldn’t accomplish anything by taking out my frustration on her. She hasn’t done anything wrong to me, and everyone was entitled to their own opinion regardless of how hurtful it might be.

“I’m doing alright. Surviving.”

“Is there anything I could help you with? Maybe even cook some food.”

“Actually, that Chase guy was here not that long ago cooking food. It was pretty delicious. He says I need to ingest something other than booze and chips, and turns out he was right.” I gave her a smile to let her know I was trying to joke, since I didn’t want her to know how true that really was. For some reason I didn’t want her to know how bad of a dumpster fire I truly was on the inside.

My phone buzzed from where I’d left it on the counter and, seeing Todd’s name flashing on the screen, I groaned and threw my head back.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s my ex. We were supposed to get married next month, but he cheated on me. I set his shit on fire and drove until I ended up here, drunk on the beach with a seagull eating my hair.”

Her eyes widened. Not out of pity, but they held a look I couldn’t quite comprehend yet. “I’m so sorry. Not because that happened to you, because guys suck, but because of how it’s affected you.”

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