Page 32 of F*ck You

“Here.” He lifted an arm and guided me into his side, wrapping his arm around me and holding me tight. I rested my cheek against his chest and gazed up through the holes at the sky with him.

Everything was silent except for the waves crashing against the outside of the cave. We were still somewhere in the ocean, but not even frogs or crickets could be heard. It was deadly silent, it was odd, but somehow it was the most peaceful I’d ever felt.

I could feel his heartbeat beneath my cheek. It picked up in rhythm when I moved my body closer against his to get more situated, and I heard his breath hitch. His fingers wrapped around my hand before rubbing against my palm. I squeezed his hand, absorbing the heat from his skin, and he squeezed back.

Warmth radiated from his body despite being in nothing but swim trunks. I had no idea how he wasn’t freezing to death, but somehow, he managed to become a human oven. I let the heat from his skin drift over me, and soon there wasn’t a shiver to be had.

I found myself pressed harder against him, and every time I moved in closer, his arm tightened around me. We were practically pretzeled together, yet I still wanted nearer. I felt like I needed to get closer to him, and I couldn’t see another way.

“Your time here is about trying new things, right?” His voice was thick and caught me off guard since I was trapped in my own inner turmoil.

“Huh?”

He lowered his voice. “Going after crazy things. Things you might not normally go after.” His thumb rubbed against the skin on my hand, and his heart pounded harder against my cheek. “Living in the moment. Taking chances.”

I tilted my head up and my lips met his. The butterflies that had been dormant in my stomach until recently when they began to thaw, fluttered the rest of the way to life. My hand left his as it traveled up and over his chest to cup his jaw and graze his stubble. I pressed closer to him, tasting the saltwater with each kiss and accompanying every one with a lick of my tongue to trace his lips. Saltwater had never tasted so good before now. I felt as though I needed to start bathing in it.

My body wanted to get closer to his. It wanted to feel his skin against mine without a full body wet suit as a barrier. My thighs clenched at the thought.

I traced the lines of his face until my fingers were twisting around in his wet hair. I became lost in the passion behind his kisses as they shone a light into my own internal cave.

Then the haze of lust parted, and I pulled my lips from his with a gasp as my mind began to clear, ruining the moment.

“What’s wrong?”

“I-I can’t. I’m so sorry.” I pulled from his arms, and my heart clenched when I saw the look of hurt on his face. “Fuck! I’m such an idiot.” I pulled at my hair in frustration, the tingles on my scalp helping to ground me.

“Lee, what’s wrong? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, I promise, I’m just—where did I go wrong?” His features were contorted in pained regret, and I hated myself even more for putting that hurt on his face. Oh fuck, what he must be thinking right now.

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

“Really?”

I swatted my hand in the air in front of me. “I mean, that’s not what I meant. The thing is—” I blew out a breath and looked to the sky, unable to see the hurt in his face right now. “I like you, I really do. The thing is, I kissed Chase this morning.”

“Did you not like it?”

“I—what?” The question caught me so off guard, I let go of my hair and gaped at him.

“Is that why you don’t want to do whatever this is, did he upset you?”

My confusion grew as I waited for my brain to function again and form words. “What are you talking about? No, he didn’t upset me. I rather enjoyed it actually.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Was he for real? Could he seriously not see what the problem was here?

“Am I really going to have to explain this to you?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. You know about my ex and how he’s cheated on me countless times, right?” He nodded. He was following, and hopefully this wasn’t where I would lose him. “Okay, so me making out with both of you, especially in the same day, makes me feel like shit. I don’t want to be him. I know what it’s like to be the other person, and I refuse to be like him. Regardless of whether this is nothing but a fling or could be something more, I still want to be about honesty. I’m sorry if it upsets either of you, but I like both of you too much to use you like this.”

His eyes widened and a small smile tilted up his lips. “Lee, you’re not using us at all. I guess we probably never mentioned this, but we’ve shared before. It’s really not a big deal. We both pretty much have the same taste, and different schedules, so it works out because when it comes to having a girlfriend, neither of us want the full burden of being the only one there for her. It’s easier on both of us to share. Plus, like I mentioned, we have the same taste, so I have no doubt he really likes you too.”

My head was swirling with his words. Did he really just say they shared the same girls? And that this was all totally normal, and I had nothing to worry about? What the hell kind of place did I land in? Fuck, I hope this didn’t mean I would have to share. I wasn’t good with that, as made obvious by how my last relationship ended.

“Okay, so what’s going on here?” I needed answers, I needed to hear him say it before we could go any further.

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