Page 31 of F*ck You

“Okay, this is pretty fucking cool.” I noticed a few little holes in the top of the cave where the light was coming from, so it wasn’t pitch-black in here.

“It’s actually my favorite place to come to when I need to get away. I’ve spent a lot of time out here.”

“I feel pretty honored you trust me enough to bring me out here.”

“Yeah, well, just don’t tell the world. It makes it much harder to hide from it.” He leaned back against the smooth rock, and I did the same beside him. “We should be able to see the stars soon.” He pointed to the ceiling where the holes were that gave way to the sky above. They were large and frequent enough to be able to make out clouds.

“I’ve never been stargazing in a cave before. I don’t believe I ever thought it was possible.”

“Gotta make sure you get all the fun experiences.”

“Well, you’re succeeding.” I was mesmerized by the sky and all the countless stars up there sharing their light. I wondered how many were no longer in existence. I’d once read about how most stars had been dead for years before their light even reached human eyes. Were we admiring the beauty of ghosts, only paying attention to what they once were, rather than what they currently were?

The image projected to the outside world, one of beauty, when really, they were dead inside.

My thoughts started to turn down a dark path, and I pushed them from my mind. I wanted to enjoy this and get the full experience, to let the light inside for once.

“Are you close to your dad?” I meant to keep the thought inside my head, but it ended up coming out instead, and I chided myself. “I’m sorry, you don’t need to answer that. I was just thinking about things and didn’t mean to blurt it out.”

“It’s not a problem. We’re not really close. He and my mom divorced when I was in high school, and he married someone I wasn’t a fan of. Now they live together, and I’ve been much better off on my own.”

“What didn’t you like about her?”

“Simply put, she didn’t seem to like me. She was young and didn’t know how to do anything with kids. It was just me, I’m an only child, but even that was still too much for her. It’s not bad or anything, she’s actually quite nice, it’s just not perfect is all. Her and my dad are gone a lot. They run several tour boat companies and are always running between them all, which is why you won’t see him much except for when he shows up to pay you or calls to ask you to work.”

There was silence between us as I took in the story and he laid down on the rock next to me. I could hear his breathing, as slow and smooth as the rock ledge we were on.

“I never knew my dad. He took off when he found out my mom was pregnant, and she didn’t want to be a mom when I was born, so she was never around. Even when I was going to get married, she had no interest in being there. She’s only called me once since I left, and that was to ask if I still had the receipt so she could return her dress.” My words broke on a pathetic laugh. “I practically raised myself. Holidays were spent with friends while she either worked extra hours or went out drinking on her nights off. And no, I don’t get my drinking problem from her. I actually get it from all the assholes who piss me off.”

“You admit you have a drinking problem?” His voice was hesitant as though he was afraid to ask. It was an uncomfortable topic for most people, though, so I didn’t think much of it.

“No, it was only a joke. The last few days have been an exception to the rest of my life.”

“Okay, that’s good. I’m glad we won’t need to do an intervention for you.”

I laughed. “Fortunately, I don’t have any friends to even put on an intervention.”

“You have me.”

My heart leapt into my throat. I was not expecting that. “So, are you going to intervene me then?” I joked.

“Nah, you’re not all that bad.”

I snorted. “You don’t know me well enough then. I’m all sorts of bad.”

“Yeah? How so?”

My fingers rubbed against the wet suit on my thigh as I tilted my head to look at him. “I just am.”

“Well, that’s not a good enough explanation for me.” His voice lowered and the words floated over me. I didn’t know why these damn guys were trying so hard to prove that I wasn’t rotten to the core like I’d always believed I was. They were determined to prove me wrong. Even more so, I was terrified I would prove myself right.

My body shook as a shiver ran through me, and Larsen noticed. His eyes looked me up and down. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, a chill, that’s all.”

“This suit isn’t the greatest one, but it’s the only one that would fit you. I need to put in an order for some more, I’m sorry.”

I laughed. “Why are you apologizing? I’m the one who unzipped the top for comfort and let in the cold air. Probably should’ve kept it how it was.”

---