Page 87 of Love and Cherish

The silence was so loud.

Haylee’s ears rushed with a nonexistent wind, and she could barely hear her own ragged breathing over it. What the hell was she doing? She wouldn’t even be able to get a good recommendation for the next job she knew she’d need.

Febe stepped closer to Haylee, looking deep into her eyes.

Haylee trembled.

Raising an eyebrow, Febe shook her head slowly before her lips twitched and threatened to pull into a smile. “Now that’s the passion I was looking for.”

twenty-eight

“What?” Haylee blinked as Febe’s face softened before her eyes. She had imagined many different things Febe might say in the moments when her synapses connected. This hadn’t even made the top one hundred.

Febe flicked her gaze to Allegra and then back to Haylee. “I think it might be time for the three of us to try out that new restaurant downstairs and talk about this properly.”

Haylee looked over at Allegra. Allegra’s smile lit up like a child on Christmas morning. Returning her gaze back to Febe, Haylee narrowed her eyes.

“So now you’re interested? Because you’re scared Allegra might be involved?” Haylee wasn’t entirely sure what she was getting at. But the vibe between the two of them wafted around the room and mixed confusingly with Haylee’s emotions. They were their own fucked up combination of grief and anger.

“No.” Febe’s face returned to its usual thin lipped, eyebrow raising sharpness. “I’m interested because in two minutes of yelling at me…” Febe’s pause for effect was not lost on Haylee. It must have shown on her face as Febe gave the smallest of nods before continuing, “…you’ve explained your point better than the nervous half-demands in my office.”

Swallowing audibly over the lump in her throat, Haylee kept her mouth shut. This had never been a strong point for her, but this was too important. She had to pull it back in, at least a little bit.

“Well I’m starving, and I’ve heard the restaurant makes a mean baba ghanoush.” Allegra clapped her hands as if to get everyone’s attention where it should be.

A small sound, a sound she hoped the others took for a laugh, escaped Haylee’s lips, and she nodded. She could have kissed Allegra on the mouth, long and hard and maybe even added some tongue. As the tension continued to sizzle between Haylee and Febe, she reconsidered that idea. She could do this lunch and see where it went. She also tried not to get too excited, or too hopeful at having seen the previously unknown softness that might actually exist in her boss. Or get her hopes up that after this Febe was still her boss.

But this was something.

Something more than she had expected, especially after the dread of yet another rejection had fallen like a heavy stone into the pit of her stomach. She wasn’t sure about the baba ghanoush—her mind had drifted to the pint of wallowing ice cream she had intended to buy on her way home. She might still need that later.

Trailing behind the two powerful women, Haylee held back the hysteria of feeling like the rebellious daughter of two women who were trying out the new parenting technique of positive actions having good consequences instead of always focusing on the negative.

The new restaurant turned out to be a five-minute walk from Allegra’s office.

Hardly downstairs.

Haylee zoned out of the chatter between Allegra and Febe as soon as the term budget quarter came up. Haylee imagined a spreadsheet popping up over their heads, a little like in The Sims computer games.

Guilt hit her hard as they stepped into the restaurant.

She had felt guilt in her life, more than once, but not like this. She’d lied to Febe. She’d gone behind her back to talk to Allegra. And yet, this guilt was so much deeper than that. That hysterical chuckle bubbled again in her chest. She forced it down, accepting the pain as it lodged behind her breastbone.

Haylee had no reason to feel this kind of guilt, especially over Cherish. Cherish had done nothing but stand in the way, too scared to upset her precious Ms. Aarts. Well, Haylee had upset her, and now she might finally get that chance to make good on her desire to help others.

For the first few minutes, which dragged on like years, the conversation centered entirely on thank yous to contractors and donators, and the perusal of menus. None of this was relevant information to her. So she kept her mouth shut and only half-listened.

Haylee’s chest tightened as her eyes raced down the prices column.

With a slap of leather, surely they weren’t real leather, against the tabletop, Haylee pulled her eyes to Febe who had placed her menu with a little too much force onto the space beside her plate.

Why were there plates?

Haylee sighed, and when she met Febe’s eyes, she realized the menu had been placed down with precisely the amount of force Febe had intended. When did Febe ever do something unintentionally?

“I’ll be paying for today, seeing as we’ll be discussing business.” Febe’s widened eyes and raised eyebrows gave Haylee no option to argue or debate.

“All right.” Haylee managed to squeak out.

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