I can stay. Keep things as they are. Or I can accept his offer.
Still, my mind is racing.
This is crazy. The very idea that I’m even considering it is crazy. I should be running out of here and telling him how insane he is. I should be getting myself committed for even entertaining the idea but I can’t help but wonder.
I never really thought about having kids of my own. Oh sure, when I was younger it was something I considered but not since then. Not when the reality of our financial situation really struck me. There’s no way I could bring a kid into my mess. But now, it’s a possibility.
A child of my own and all the extra benefits that go along with it …
“I need … I need time to think,” I say finally and he nods again.
“Take all the time you need.” With that he strolls around his desk and sinks into his own chair, effectively dismissing me as he returns to the papers that he was no doubt working on when he heard me next door.
Slowly I manage to get up from my own chair and make my way to the door. There is a long pause while I stand there and think again about what just happened and the type of proposition that he just made. But then I continue on. I’m actually off today. I came in just to talk with Ethan. But that’s good for me because it means that I can leave the club and take a walk down to the park.
It’s my favorite place to sit and think. There’s a bench at the back that looks out over the water. It’s beautiful. No matter the time of year, that bench and that part of the lake is always peaceful and just relaxing.
Though right now isn’t the time for relaxing. Right now I’m struggling to piece together everything that’s happening in my life and what this could mean.
Chris is rich. Extremely rich. So when he says that he would give me a generous allowance to take care of my family and myself, it’s likely that the allowance would be quite large. Much larger than what I would consider to be reasonable.
And I would have a place to stay, which means no more paying rent. So that’s even more money that can be put toward taking care of Leann and Mom. Maybe there would even be enough money for them to go on a vacation. None of us have had one since Dad …
But am I willing to give up everything that I would need to in order to make it happen?
My freedom? Because even if he doesn’t make demands on me once the baby is here, there would be a baby that needed me.
But also, this might be my one chance to have a baby. And not have to worry about whether they would be okay.
Sure, if I were going to have a baby in an ideal world I would want it to be with someone I love. And I would want them to be a whole partner in the experience. But this isn’t an ideal world. This is the real world. And that doesn’t happen very often.
I sigh but finally head back to my own place for the night, heating up a box of mac and cheese and sitting on the sofa that’s only a slight step up from the one at my mom’s house. I look around at the miniscule studio apartment that I can afford with my salary.
I could change everything … for all of us … so why hold back?
The next morning I prepare for my shift a little more carefully, taking great pains to look my absolute best. It’s been hours. A full night. And I don’t know if he’s still going to be in the same mood he was yesterday. If he’s still going to want the same things he did yesterday. But just in case … I want to be prepared.
With a sigh I head to the club. This is it. I’ve made my decision and I’m going to stick with it. There’s no backing out now.
At least, that’s what I tell myself as I make my way up the stairs and knock on Chris’s door.
“Enter.” That firm voice sends a chill down my spine that’s part heat at the memory of everything we’ve already shared and part fear of just what’s to come. But I open the door and force myself to walk steadily over to the desk. “Emma. Have you made your decision?”
“I … I accept your offer. I will have your baby.”
“Excellent.” I had assumed she would say yes. Had assumed she would eventually come back. But if I’m being honest I didn’t think that it would take as long as it did. I didn’t think that she would wait until the next day. Still, it’s been less than 24 hours and I’m asking her to make a major change in her lifestyle. It’s only fair to give her a bit of time to come to terms with it. “We can leave right now to get you settled in.”
“No.”
“No?” I stare at her incredulously but she looks more sure of herself now.
“I’m here for my shift. I can’t leave until it’s over.”
“I’m the boss, Emma, and I say that you can leave.”
“That would leave the other girls shorthanded. It’s not fair to them. No, I will finish my shift.” She seems firm on that. “And I’m planning on staying here for a while. I’m not quitting.”
My eyes narrow as I stare at her, trying to figure out just what’s going on here. I just offered her a place to live and an allowance. And she wants to remain at the club as a cocktail waitress making what will amount to peanuts compared to what I’m prepared to give.