Page 93 of Scorch

Orchestrate a break-up. Orchestrate a break-up. I pour all my anger, my frustration, and my fear into my voice.

“Fuck off, Viktor. You can’t stop me. I want to be alone for a little while.” I turn around and face him, my fueled emotions real. “I know that’s a foreign concept to you, but I want you to fucking leave me alone.”

“Lydia,” he growls, but I can tell he’s wondering if I’m faking or if I’m serious. His brows snap together in concern, and he takes another step toward me. “I know we have to hash shit out, but this isn’t the time or place.”

I scoff. “So my mother’s place is? Yeah, let’s have a fight in front of her. Great idea.” I turn away and take another step toward the hole in the fence. Just beyond it, there’s a shadow of pine trees. It doesn’t look like there are many people there.

“I’m sick of you following me,” I say, loud enough for anyone who’s listening to hear. “I’m sick of you controlling me.”

A part of me believes this, and a part of me knows… I crave this. I do. It’s sick and twisted and fucked up beyond recognition, so far from anything healthy that I wouldn’t even know where normal began at this point, but… but it’s a part of us. It’s a part of who we are.

“Lydia,” he growls again. He’s only a step away from me when I turn and shove myself through the hole in the fence. He reaches for me, grasping at me, but he can’t reach me.

“Give me space,” I say, my voice wobbling. Why is my voice wobbling? “I just need a little time.”

“I can’t fit through here,” he growls. “You did this on purpose.”

Of course I did. I can’t remind him now that we needed to fake a fight. Someone could be listening.

“I need time,” I repeat.

He reaches toward me, his eyes flooded with panic. “Lydia!” he shouts, shaking his head. “For fuck’s sake, listen to me. You’re not safe. Hey!” he screams.

I swear it’s a part of the entire game. He’s playing it this way so that I can come back to him.

I will, just not yet.

I hear the snap of a tree branch behind me—the skin on the back of my neck prickles in awareness. I turn to see if there’s anyone behind me, but it’s just me. Just me in the forest and no one there. I shake my head and take a look around.

I remember lighting a fire by those fire pits. I wish I had something with me now to do it again, just for old times’ sake.

“Lydia!” Viktor screams, but his voice is getting fainter as I’m walking away from him. Did he completely forget we were supposed to be mimicking this? That we’re supposed to break up?

We need to bring the Ledyanoye Bratstvo out of hiding.

I walk over to a fire pit and lift a stick from the ground. I draw in the ashes, and it feels weirdly symbolic.

I shouldn’t be here alone; I know that. It isn’t safe. I tell myself I’ll just stay here a few minutes and reminisce.. I remember what it was like being away from everyone else. Untouchable. How the whole world outside these fences seemed high paced and loud, but here, I stepped back in time and reconnected with a part of me that was waiting.

I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

I turn to pick up another branch when black covers my face, and my world is plunged into darkness. I scream, but it’s muffled. I try to remember everything I learned about self-defense, but my brain won’t cooperate. It feels sluggish and confused as I try my best to muddle through. Without oxygen, I feel half drugged.

I try to remember what Viktor taught me, but I can hardly think.

Always stay calm. If you lose your shit, you can’t fix a damn thing.

Do I have my knife? Do I have the strength to hold it?

What the hell is going on?

I’ve got this. I can do this.

I elbow whoever’s holding me, but my eyes are growing hazy. I scream and try to thrash, but someone’s got their arms around me, holding me in place. I need to escape.

I can’t breathe!

“Let me go!” I try to scream, but my voice is muffled, and I’m losing consciousness. “Let me go!” I say, softer this time, my voice barely audible. “Let me go,” I whisper.

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