“I like you too.” I grin back at him, motioning to his e-reader with my mug. “What are you reading?”
“A zombie thriller. Do you like to read?”
“I haven’t picked up a book since high school,” I admit. “But I did enjoy it.”
“Maybe you’ll get back into it someday.” He picks up the device and presses a couple buttons until the cover of the book is on the screen. “Right now, I’m into apocalyptic thrillers. This one is about a girl who loses her family in a zombie attack. As she moves from place to place, she meets the craziest characters, and they form this family of sorts as they try to survive.”
“That sounds good.”
“It is. I’ve done nothing this morning but read.”
“What is it you normally do?” I ask.
“I try not to keep too busy; it’s better for my mental health. Keeps me mentally charged in case I’m needed by one of my brothers.”
“That’s kind of what I’m doing now. I should be thinking about finding a job and a place to live, but all I really want to do is snuggle into the couch and watch trashy TV.”
“You should give yourself some time. From the looks of it, you deserve the break.”
I reach up to touch my lip. “Guess it’s pretty obvious that I’ve been through some shit.”
“It is.”
We sip our coffee in a comfortable silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I don’t know where his mind went, but mine is wondering how long I can take advantage of Lucky’s generosity. We haven’t spoken about next steps, but I can’t hide at the clubhouse forever. At some point, I’ll need money for an apartment. I push it away, making it tomorrow’s problem.
Judge sets his coffee down, and my thoughts veer to him. Maybe he can help with something that’s been bothering me.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“Do you have any experience with ultra-conservative religions?”
“A little.”
“Do you think they really believe what they teach? Or do you think they know it’s all bullshit but get off on the power?”
His brows lift. “Wow. Okay. Um, I don’t know for sure. I take it you come from one of those religions?”
“Yes, and I always wonder about it. Seems like there’s no way they could actually believe it, not when their actions go against the things they teach.”
“That’s a big generalization,” he says.
“It is, but it’s also not. I mean, corruption exists on every level. I’ve seen it.”
“I don’t disagree, but I have my own issues with organized religion.”
“How do you deal with it? How do you wear a collar and be a man of God when you know religion hurts so many people?” My eyes well with unexpected tears, and I angrily wipe them away.
Judge hands me a napkin. “It took me a long time to realize what I’m about to tell you. God isn’t inside a building or represented by a person. That’s why I say I am spiritual but not religious. Humans are sinners, and to me, that automatically makes them unqualified to lead a congregation. Me included. ”
“But isn’t that what you do?”
“Here?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“No. I stopped preaching many years ago. What I do here is what I’m doing with you now. I talk things out and let people come to their own conclusions.” He meets my gaze, his blue eyes peering into me and showing me his truth.