Page 54 of The Wanderer

Sensing she may be prevaricating, he took a step forward, broaching the distance between them. "This is a big deal for me, sweetheart. I've never lived with a woman let alone wanted to be with one for more than a short time. But I hate the thought of leaving you and we're so great together—"

"Ssh." She pressed her fingertips to his mouth. "You have no idea how tempted I am. But I can't throw away everything I've worked so hard for."

What she really meant was ‘even now, when I know I love you, I can’t fully trust my judgement and in turn, you.’

But she didn’t say it. Instead, she lowered her hand. "Why don't we trial long distance for a while? See how that goes?"

His lips compressed in a mutinous line and he shook his head. “It never works."

His gaze darted away, evasive, and she knew right then her dream of him giving her time to trust, time to develop their connection, was just that, a fanciful dream.

"I finally understand why my dad left us and my mum had demons that had nothing to do with him, but I won't put myself in a similar situation of you sitting around, waiting for me to show up in Melbourne whenever it’s convenient."

His tortured gaze finally met hers. “You deserve so much more than that.”

She wanted to rant at the injustice of this. She’d finally been willing to open herself up to trust a guy and he couldn’t compromise. She loved him. He loved her enough to want her with him all the time. Yet they couldn’t make it work.

Fuck trust and relationships and this incredible man who’d made her fall in love with him without trying.

"I understand," she said, sadness making her voice quiver at their stupid impasse.

He wanted her with him.

She had to stay.

And she hoped she wouldn't regret this decision for the rest of her life.

"So that's it, then?" He removed his hands from his pockets and reached for her.

She let him haul her into his arms so she could rest her cheek against his chest. His heart thudded beneath her ear, strong and steady, just like Logan, a reminder of what she was giving up by sticking to her principles. By holding on to a deep-seated fear, she could ruin any chance she ever had at lasting happiness.

"You're so special to me," she murmured, wrapping her arms around his waist and hanging on tight. "I wish I could be with you."

"I wish for that too, babe," he said, burying his face in her hair.

Hope had no idea how long they clung to each other, silently wishing for things that could never be.

But this time, when he released her and headed for the door, she didn't stop him.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

"It's good to have you back on deck." Logan shook Rick's hand. "You must've done a hell of a lot of work with that physio to get early clearance to return to work."

"My back's fine." Rick did a twist and side-bend to demonstrate. "Good as new."

"Yeah, well, take it easy for the first week back on the tools, because I can't afford to lose you again."

Ironic, that those last words were what he'd envisaged saying to Hope yesterday. Instead, he'd ended up blurting his proposal for her to accompany him on the road, she'd turned him down, and he'd been reeling ever since.

How had his big plan to confess his feelings been so monumentally fucked up?

He could blame his upbringing, how he'd learned to suppress his feelings young, but that was bullshit and he knew it. He wasn't his mum, he wasn't his dad, he had to take full responsibility for this cock-up. It was all on him.

"So what's this meeting about?" Rick wedged into the booth opposite Logan. "I've read all your emails and seen the plans for upcoming jobs. No need to roll out the welcome wagon personally."

Logan took a deep breath. Here went nothing.

"I want to talk to you about shaking things up a little."

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