Page 49 of The Wanderer

"Yeah. Everyone's been asking me to replay it." The barman wrinkled his nose. "Though the lyrics are a bit too sappy for my liking."

Logan remembered the lyrics. He'd read them firsthand that night he'd stayed at Hope's apartment. They'd made him feel an uncharacteristic surge of emotion then and had the same effect now.

When he’d first read them, for a stupid, delusional moment he thought she’d been referring to him. Back then, it had scared the shit out of him and he’d continued putting up barriers because of it.

But now, as she sang about fresh starts and aching hearts and yearning, he wished he hadn’t been such a dickhead.

When the barman glanced at him quizzically, expecting him to say something, Logan responded with, "She's very talented."

Not just in the singing department. His cock thickened to half-mast thinking about the many ways she'd got him off and her sheer enjoyment of sex. Not many women were that uninhibited. Hope had matched him in every way, always turned on, always up for it.

Man, just thinking about that alley sex…

Relieved the barman had moved on to serve other customers, Logan fished his phone out of his pocket. He'd ended things badly with Hope, deliberately pushing her away so they wouldn't have the awkward break-up when he moved on.

But he'd been in Sydney an entire day and he couldn't shake the feeling he'd done the wrong thing. He'd confronted his dad last night and the immense relief afterwards ensured he'd had the best night's sleep of his life.

He had no idea if the relationship with his father was salvageable but in learning Stephen's motivations, Logan was willing to give him a chance.

It also made him ponder: his parents had never been in love. His mum had virtually trapped Stephen into marrying her and he'd stood by her when he didn't have to. His mum being dependent on Stephen for her happiness had been all on her. She'd created the family she craved but at what cost? She'd had a kid who’d become a burden once his dad left. She'd spiralled into further obsessiveness when Stephen didn't give her the love she wanted. It wasn't his dad's fault that his mum couldn't live a joyful, independent life without him.

Which made him wonder: had he made a big mistake in blaming his parents' dysfunctional marriage for his resultant fear of commitment?

Stephen’s infrequent visits and consequential abandonment had ensured that Logan never wanted to disappoint anybody in the same way. He sure as hell didn’t want a woman’s happiness dependent on him and moving around, being a nomad by choice, ensured he’d never have to fully commit to anyone.

But what if Hope’s happiness wasn’t dependent on him?

She'd never given him any indication she hung on his every word. She didn't call or text him daily, even when they had been fucking. She didn't make demands on his time or slyly probe for information about the future, all things he'd tolerated with other women he'd casually dated.

Instead, she'd let him…be.

And he'd fucked it up royally by being an emotionally unavailable prick petrified of commitment and all it entailed.

He'd blamed his dad for his hang-ups for so many years, knowing deep down that he may be more like his father with his quest to avoid ties than he cared to admit, that it took him a few moments to realise he didn't have that piss-poor excuse anymore. He knew the truth about Stephen.

His dad had a valid reason for doing what he’d done.

Did Logan?

He feared commitment because it fostered co-dependence and disappointment and ultimately, resentment. He moved around because of it and he never let any woman get too close.

While Stephen had done it out of some warped sense of duty, Logan avoided entanglements because of…fear.

And he was through with letting it rule his life.

Leaving Logan with two options: carry on with his plan to not be tied down, to keep moving, to not have anyone depend on him, or take a chance.

Entering a committed relationship would be the hardest thing he’d ever done. More terrifying than taking out a loan to launch his business all those years ago. More gut-wrenching than losing his family, if it went pear-shaped.

But he’d always been a risk-taker, and now that he had more insight into his dysfunctional past, he wouldn’t allow it to taint his future.

He wouldn't make the same mistake his father did, leaving behind a person he cared about.

He'd give Hope the opportunity he never had.

Before he could second-guess his decision, he tapped on Hope's number and held the phone up to his ear. His gut churned as he waited for her to pick up, the ring tone harsh and taunting. After five rings, his call went through to voice mail.

"Hi, can't take your call right now. Leave your details and I'll get back to you."

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