Page 46 of The Wanderer

He dragged air into his lungs, willing the breathlessness compressing his chest to ease. For a horrifying second, he felt faint and clamped down on his anger by focussing on something good…an image of Hope, sexy and sated, sprang to mind. Fuck. The last thing he needed now was to think about her.

"I'm glad you’ve dropped in unexpectedly," Stephen said, and gestured to a seat. "We've got a lot to talk about—"

"Do we, really? Because from where I'm standing there's nothing you can say that will change a damn thing."

Logan shook his head, desperate to clear it. A roaring filled his ears, like he'd held shells up to them and could hear the ocean. "I came here for one reason only. To say what I should've said years ago but didn't, out of some warped respect for the man who gave me DNA and little else."

Stephen's expression crumpled a little but his eyes were defiant. Logan knew that look. He'd seen it in the mirror too many times to count when one of his dad's promised visits never eventuated.

"Son, I know I screwed up with you—"

"Screwed up? Is that what you call it?" Logan barked out a laugh devoid of amusement. "You ripped our family apart. You abandoned us for your own selfish reasons and didn't give a shit."

His voice had risen but he didn't care. He had to get this out. All of it. "You swanned in whenever you felt like it, lifting our hopes, before tearing us apart all over again. Mum…" Logan's throat clogged with emotion but he continued. "She lit up when you were around, then spiralled into moroseness when you weren't. She shut down with me too so I actually lost a mother as well as a father."

He thumped his chest. "I became the primary carer in our house. Me. I had to do everything and it pissed me off that you didn't bloody care!"

Tears filled Stephen's eyes but Logan wasn't done yet. Not by a long shot.

"You killed her, you know. That heart attack was precipitated by ongoing stress, considering she had no other risk factors. So how does it feel, to know you're responsible for that?"

Logan didn't care that he was yelling now. He wanted—needed—to get a reaction out of this man whose stoic acceptance of the accusations flung his way riled Logan even more.

"I'm sorry for a lot of things I've done, Son, but I can't change the past."

Of all the things his father could've said, Stephen's half-assed apology achieved nothing.

Logan slow-clapped. "Wow, great insight. Any other pearls of wisdom you care to share before I leave?"

"I love you, Son." A lone tear trickled down Stephen's cheek as he took a step forward. "I always have. That's why I kept returning to Rally-Doo to visit even though it would've been better for your mother if I made a clean break."

The roaring in Logan's ears intensified to the point he couldn't hear a thing. Spots danced before his eyes and he found himself being guided into a chair by his father.

When his vision cleared, he flung up his arms to dislodge his father's grip. "Get your fucking hands off me."

Sorrow darkened Stephen's eyes as he released him and backed away, taking a seat opposite. The dressing room was so cramped their knees almost touched. To his father's credit he remained silent, giving Logan time to process what he'd revealed.

Stephen's infrequent visits home had been because of him?

He had to ask, even if he didn't want to know the answer.

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't want to have to tell you any of this." Stephen scrubbed a hand over his face. When it lowered, it appeared like his dad had aged years.

"Your mum knew I had dreams to become a comedian when we met. It's all I ever talked about. But she was a born and bred country girl who hated leaving Rally-Doo even for a day trip. So after a month, I tried to break it off. She didn't take it well."

Stephen bit down on his bottom lip. "She called constantly, left messages, turned up at my parents’ house at all hours of the night. I thought by confronting her one last time she'd get the message, and she seemed more reasonable and very sweet so we ended up…" his father blushed. "Anyway, two months later she was on my doorstep, announcing she was pregnant. In a town the size of Rally-Doo, unwed mothers are destined for a hard life, so I married her."

He halted, as if struggling to find the right words, before continuing. "I didn't love her and I doubt she loved me, but I had hopes we could make a go of it. Then you arrived…"

His dad's voice broke and Logan waited, unsure whether to be appalled by this confession or thankful he was finally learning the truth behind his dad's flakiness.

"You were the best thing to ever happen to me," Stephen said, his tone fierce as he pinned him with a glare. "I would've done anything for you, so I did."

Confused, Logan shook his head. "By leaving me?"

"I wanted to take you with me so badly." Stephen's fingers dug into his thighs where his hands rested in his lap. "But it would've killed your mother. She had obsessive tendencies that started with me and morphed into things like magazines and soaps and…well, anything.”

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