Page 6 of Loss

“Look who it is; the brother no one ever sees or hears from anymore,” my brother says, his voice laced with rage and pain that I’ve caused him.

“Yeah. I’m here to tell you to fuckin’ leave Dad’s things alone. It’s not your place to fuckin’ get rid of it when I’m not involved,” I tell him, getting in his face and letting the anger I feel at myself for how Annabell now is with me take over.

“And you’re never here! You couldn’t even go to the lawyer’s office for the will readin’. So, you can fuck off if you think I give a shit about what you want to happen here. The house was left to us along with some money he had put away. I don’t give a fuck what you do, but I’m goin’ through his stuff and decidin’ what goes and what stays,” he answers, getting back in my face and letting his own hurt and rage consume him.

“Zach, just give me some time. I’m tryin’ to work through my shit,” I plead with him, trying to make my voice softer so he knows I’m not lying.

“No, you’re not. You’re out all day lookin’ for somethin’ you’re not gonna find. Then you go to Allure and drink yourself into oblivion so you can sleep for a little while. You’ve pushed everyone includin’ Annabell away. And fuck you for yellin’ at her when she’s just tryin’ to help you out. No one wants to see you right now,” my brother says, unleashing on me with his words and ripping open the wound that Annabell started at the diner and how she’s acting toward me.

I lose my shit. My fist slams into Valor’s face before I can think about it. Savannah’s yelling at the top of her lungs while Valor and I beat the shit out of one another in our dad’s home. His stuff on shelves and pictures hanging on the walls come crashing down all around us. Neither one of us pays attention to anything as we finally fully unleash everything we’ve been feeling since losing him. Valor has turned toward the club as he deals with his grief while I hold mine deep inside. Now, we’re finally letting it out on one another even though it will never be enough to stop the pain from racing through me on a daily basis.

I feel someone trying to pry me off my brother, but I’m not stopping. Zach and I continue to pound the shit out of one another for countless minutes. It’s not until Savannah yells at the top of her lungs that we pause. She’s holding her cheek and I can see the redness already spreading from under her hand.

“I’m sorry,” she mutters, heading toward the kitchen as if she’s done something wrong here.

“What the fuck?” Valor yells out. “See what you fuckin’ did now? Why don’t you just fuckin’ leave? I’m goin’ through Dad’s things. If I see anythin’ I think you’ll want, I’ll put it all in a box.”

Valor leaves me sitting on the floor, surrounded by the debris of our fight. I can hear him talking softly to Savannah and none of the anger I’m feeling is present when he’s with her. Or anyone else from the club. No, all his anger is reserved for me these days. And I completely deserve it. Leaving my dad’s house, I make my way to Allure. Finding the bottom of a bottle is the only thing on my mind after the altercation with Valor and seeing firsthand how cold Annabell is with me now. All I want is a few hours of sleep to try to forget everything.

Chapter Four

Annabell

IT’S FRIDAY NIGHT and I have a game tonight. Over the past few weeks, my entire focus has been on school, homework, and cheerleading. I’ve been spending more time with my teammates and less time around the clubhouse or house. The girls are slowly becoming friends and they don’t pressure me about where I live or anything about the club members. I’ve even been hanging out with some of the football players after practice and before games if we all get to the school early enough. A few times I’ve ridden on the bus next to one of the players instead of sitting alone or with another cheerleader. I don’t expect anything to happen with any of the guys, but it’s nice to have someone I can talk to when we’re on a long trip.

Before we leave for the school, I’m at the clubhouse with Shy to help her cook dinner for everyone. It’s not something she does all the time, but a few times a week she tries to provide the guys with a home cooked meal. I guess today was one of the days she promised the guys she’d cook for them. Because I have to get to the school and prepare for the game, I told her I’d help so she wasn’t doing everything on her own. Usually she’d get the ol’ ladies to help her, but they’re all busy and have other things to do. Plus, there’s no reason I can’t help her out when I’ve already gotten as ready as I can at home. The stretching and making sure I know what dances we’re doing will have to wait until I get with the team. No, I don’t want to be in the clubhouse, but that’s okay. Vault’s barely here these days and it works for me because I don’t have to see him.

I haven’t really been back to the clubhouse since Vault yelled at me in front of everyone. And I never come on Fridays because I know it’s party night for the guys. I don’t want, or need, to see them in various sexual acts around the clubhouse during a party. But, I’m not going to have Shy cook for everyone all alone. It’s not like the house bunnies help her when she’s here. They don’t listen to her at all unless Slim’s around. The newest round of house bunnies are so disrespectful and I wish Slim would kick all their asses out, but I know he won’t unless it gets put up for a vote and passes. The single guys won’t have their favorite pastime taken away from them. We all know that for a fact.

Shy and I decided since we’d have to leave from here, I should get ready for the game before we came over. So, I’m helping her make baked chicken, potatoes, and corn on the cob in my cheerleading uniform. No one’s said a word to me about wearing it either; they know better. I’ve got the short as hell skirt on, the matching top, and my white shoes. My warm-up jacket and pants are lying over a chair because I’d be sweating to death in the kitchen with them on. I’ve got my hair up in a high ponytail and the necessary make-up on my face. It’s the standard outfit I wear for every game and there’s no reason for anyone to say a word about the amount of skin I’m showing off considering there are women in the clubhouse who walk around naked or only wearing thongs.

Shy and I are laughing and joking around while Kinsliegh and Rayven sit in a playpen playing with their toys. I keep looking at them to make sure they don’t want anything while we’re making enough food to feed an army. These guys sure know how to eat. And there won’t be any leftovers for anyone that’s not here for dinner tonight. I’m putting the chicken in the oven when the kitchen door slams open. I don’t pay any attention since Shy’s in the room with me. It’s not until I stand up and turn around that I see Vault standing in the doorway. He’s got his arm wrapped around a girl barely older than me who’s wearing almost no clothing. And his face is bruised. He’s been in a fight and I wonder who it was with.

Pain rips through my chest at the sight. I know he’s no saint and he’s had his fair share of women. He’s never thrown it in my face like this though. I’ve never seen him with a single woman since coming to the clubhouse that fateful night. Vault has always made sure to keep his sexual activities out of the common room and never touches a woman if I’m in the clubhouse. He might walk away with them, but this is literally throwing it in my face that I’ll never have anything with him. Another huge piece of my heart shatters in my chest with the thought of him and this girl going to do whatever he does and him leaving me alone. Vault hasn’t talked to me since the night I went to dinner with him. I guess he was all talk and that’s a new part of his character that I haven’t seen before.

“What the fuck, Annabell?” he yells out, his face turning red as he lets his eyes roam over my body.

I ignore him and move to stand next to Shy. The look she’s throwing at Vault would put him more than six feet under if looks could kill. He’s lucky to still be standing here if her look is anything to go by. Shy is my mom even if I call her by her name. She wraps her arm around my shoulders and holds me close to her as Vault continues to stare daggers in my direction.

“I’m talkin’ to you, Annabell,” he slurs, anger lacing his voice as I realize that he’s not going to go away until I talk to him. Even if it’s the last thing I want to do.

Yeah, he’s drunk again. It’s a daily occurrence for him lately. But, I’m beyond caring what he thinks, does, or says. Vault is just someone I used to know. No, I take that back. Vault is not someone I know. Alex is a man I used to know. Vault is the person he’s turned into who doesn’t give a shit about anyone around him. Including the only family member he has left.

“Looks like you already picked your flavor of the minute,” I say cattily, knowing I’m better than to stoop down to his level of bullshit but not being able to help myself.

“You jealous, Bell?” he asks, using a name I used to love hearing from his lips. Now it just turns my stomach and makes me feel as if everything we shared before Hound died was nothing but a lie.

“Not at all. You wanna spread your disease around, that’s your decision,” I say, turning toward Shy because I have no desire to look at the asshole and skank before me.

“What the fuck you wearin’ in here? You know better than to dress half naked when you’re in here,” he says, looking at my outfit again. “Or you tryin’ to let one of the brothers pop that cherry for you?”

I’ve had more than enough of his shit. Walking up to Vault, I reach out and slap him. Shock takes over both of us. I’ve never been violent in my life and for the first time I’ve chosen to hurt someone that I used to think was the other half of my soul.

“I’m sorry I slapped you. But, what you just said is completely uncalled for. How dare you insinuate I’m going to let anyone near me. I’m not a slut like you and your friend here. So, if you don’t have anything else to say to me, I’m sure there’s better things you can be doing with your time,” I say, shaking out my hand as pain from the slap radiates through it. “Oh, and as for why I’m dressed like this, I have a game tonight. So, a lot more than just the members of this club are going to see me dressed like this.”

Turning my back on the man who infuriates me more than anyone else, I barely register his reply.

“Oh, Bell, did you forget I’ve already tasted you?” he asks, his voice letting me know he’s not doing anything more than taunting me with his words.

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