Page 84 of The Diary at the Last House Before the Sea

‘Yes, but not for long. I’ve decided to sell them. They should fetch a tidy sum.’

‘Really? I didn’t think you’d want to sell them,’ said River, before realising that his father was not the kind of man to hold a sentimental attachment to a piece of jewellery.

‘I think it’s for the best though, of course, they belong to you too, in a way. I suppose they’re a family heirloom.’ Geoffrey shifted on the sand until he was facing his son. ‘Would you mind if I sold them?’

‘Not at all. We didn’t know they still existed until yesterday and, with their links to royalty, those diamonds must be worth a small fortune. Selling them will provide enough capital to keep the manor going for some time, I imagine.’

‘Not for long enough, I dare say, once repairs have been made and bills paid. But I’m hoping they’ll buy me another couple of years or so in my home.’ He glanced over his shoulder at the manor that was just visible through the trees. ‘And after that, I’ll sell Brellasham Manor to Hannah, or whoever wants it, to do with as they wish, and you’ll receive a nest egg from the sale.’

‘I don’t want your money. That’s not important to me.’

Geoffrey caught his eye and smiled. ‘No, I thought as much. You and your cousin have a very different attitude to financial gain.’

Did he know the truth now about Bartie’s deception? Geoffrey didn’t elaborate. He grabbed a handful of sand and let the grains trickle slowly through his fingers.

Then he said: ‘I do understand, you know, why you don’t want to take on the manor after I get too old to run it. I’ve rather messed up the income stream that was keeping it afloat, with my poor business decisions recently. My father must be turning in his grave.’

River swallowed, aware that now was the time to say what he’d wanted to say since he was a child. He clenched his hands into fists on the sand and blurted it out.

‘I’m sorry I haven’t been the son that you wanted. I know I’ve always been a great disappointment to you and you’d rather that Bartie was your son and heir.’

Geoffrey’s jaw dropped at this sudden onslaught. ‘Bartie?’ he said with a frown. ‘Bartie, who lies to my face and was pushing me to sell to Hannah so that he could clean up with the commission?’

‘So you do know about that. Clara and I thought you believed him when he told you he’d only just found out about Hannah’s plans for the grounds.’

Geoffrey gave a snort of derision. ‘I’m not completely gaga, River. Yes, I was taken in by him at first, with his offers of help. I got rather swept off my feet and surrendered control of the situation to him. But his crisis of conscience after discovering Hannah’s dastardly scheme? Please give me some credit! He’d presumably been found out – by you and Clara. I’m only sorry I didn’t listen when you tried to tell me.’

‘It was Clara who found him out.’

Geoffrey smiled. ‘That doesn’t surprise me. That girl has always been a force of nature.’ His smile faded. ‘I’m fond of Bartie. He’s family and I’ve known him since he was born. I’ve watched him grow up and I saw him occasionally when you were far away. But no, I’ve never wished that Bartie was my son and heir, not even before I realised how amoral and disloyal he could be. In fact, I…’ He faltered and tried again. ‘I…’

He gave up and stared out to sea for a moment. Then, he turned again. ‘I have something I have to tell you, River, and it won’t be easy for me to say it.’

‘You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,’ River assured him, alarmed by the pain on his father’s face.

‘I do want to tell you because you’ll soon go back to Australia and that will be it.’ He swallowed. ‘The truth is that I’m not disappointed in you, dear boy. I’m disappointed in me. As a father.’

He wiped a hand across his eyes. ‘Rather disgracefully, I’ve turned out to be the same kind of parent to you as my father was to me.’

When River went to speak, he held up his hand. ‘Let me get this out because I’m not sure I’ll be able to say it again.’

He pulled in a lungful of sea air and continued. ‘The truth is I missed you when you left for Australia all those years ago, but I was glad you’d gone. Not because I don’t care about you, but because I do.

‘The reason I kept in touch and saw you only very occasionally was because I told myself you’d fare better away from me – you were better off starting a new life with your mother, who knew how to love you. I hoped that it would break the cycle and, one day, you could become the father that I had never been to you.’

He cleared his throat. ‘That’s all true, that I wanted the best for you. But what’s also true is that another reason why I didn’t fight for you when your mother took you away was because I couldn’t bear washing our dirty laundry in public, via courts and lawyers. It pains me to admit it but I thought more about the Brellasham family’s reputation than about how you would feel when I just let you go like that.

‘I know you think I’m a cold, unemotional man, River, and there are echoes of my father in me that are hard to ignore. But I very much regret the lack of closeness between us and not seeing more of you since you went away. I stepped back from your life and let your mother take you to the other side of the world. I can only hope that you’ve been happy there.’

‘I have been. Mostly,’ said River, stunned by the words streaming from his father’s mouth. ‘But I missed you.’

‘Did you?’ Geoffrey sounded genuinely surprised. ‘I assumed you were pleased to be shot of me. You hardly ever wrote or rang.’

‘I thought you’d more or less abandoned me and didn’t care if I got in touch or not.’

‘Oh, I cared,’ said Geoffrey softly, a wistfulness in his voice that broke River’s heart. ‘But when we did meet up in Australia, I didn’t know what to say to you.’

‘Me neither. I reckoned you were fine without me, and I knew that Bartie was still around to be the son I thought you wanted.’

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