Page 26 of The Sisters at the Last House Before the Sea

‘There’s no need to rub it in. I know it’s difficult and I appreciate you standing by me.’

‘You appreciate it?’ Caitlin was beginning to feel shaky. ‘I’ve been as understanding and supportive as I can be over the last few months, since I found out what was going on. But you’ve lied to me over and over again. You told me you were getting help, which was a lie. You promised me you weren’t gambling any more, which was also a lie. What else are you lying to me about?’

‘Nothing. I’ve lost the house. I know that’s bad—’

‘Bad?’ A sob caught in Caitlin’s throat.

‘Don’t guilt-trip me, Cait.’ Stuart’s tone had changed from contrite to belligerent. ‘I’ll get the money back.’

‘How? More gambling?’

‘No, of course not.’

‘How then?’

‘I’ll find a way.’

Caitlin rubbed a hand across her forehead which was beginning to ache. ‘Will you at least get yourself some help?’

‘Come on, Cait, I don’t need any help from do-gooding professionals offering counselling. Losing the house is just the jolt I needed to get my life back on track. So it’s good, in a way, if you look at it from a different perspective.’

Caitlin closed her eyes and breathed out slowly.

‘Is there anything else you need to tell me? Because now’s the time. I really can’t take any more surprises.’

‘There’s nothing else I’ve kept from you, I swear. Are you coming back?’

‘How can I, after all of the lies you’ve told me?’

‘I lied about the money because I thought I could stop what was happening. And I know I’ve messed up big time. But I’m all right now. Our life can go back to the way it was.’ He sniffed. ‘Eventually.’

Caitlin shook her head. Her husband was still in denial and she didn’t know how she felt about him any more.

‘I’ve got to go, Stuart.’ She couldn’t continue this conversation. It was too painful.

‘I’m sorry,’ were Stuart’s final words before she ended the call.

Caitlin shoved the phone into her pocket, her mind spooling back to when she and Stuart had first met. He was a businessman – nine years older than her – and had seemed immensely debonair and self-assured to a lacking in confidence twenty-nine-year-old. So self-sufficient and cool – the kind of man who would never need looking after. The kind of man who might look after her instead.

And they’d been happy at first, as they became a ready-made family – the two of them and Maisie, who’d been just nine years old when Caitlin had come into her life. Becoming a surrogate mother in one fell swoop had been a shock because it had reminded Caitlin of the responsibility she’d felt for Isla from a young age. She didn’t think she’d be able to cope with looking after another child, but she had and she’d grown to care deeply about Maisie, even if the stroppy teenager would never believe that.

So what should she do now? Her marriage with Stuart was battered and bruised, but how could she leave him when he was in the grip of a gambling addiction? What kind of a woman would that make her? The answer came back loud and clear: the kind of woman who left her sister and grandmother behind, and hardly ever visited.

Caitlin leaned against the stone wall of the pub, her legs feeling like jelly. Her life was a complete mess and she had no one to turn to for help, support and sympathy. She’d lost her true friends over the years, as her life had changed, and she’d burned her bridges with her family. Isla, with good reason, thought she was a money-grabber who couldn’t be trusted. And Jessie, the generous grandmother who had taken them in when no one else had wanted them, was gone for ever.

An image of Jessie wishing her goodnight and kissing her on both cheeks swam into Caitlin’s mind and the sudden rush of grief she experienced felt like a punch to the stomach.

She leaned forward, trying to catch her breath. She hadn’t had a panic attack in years, not since her first months at university. But she recognised the familiar feeling of pins and needles as black spots began to dance before her eyes. She was going to collapse right here in the pub. She was going to die.

‘Breathe, Cait!’ A hand was on her shoulder and a deep voice sounded in her ear. ‘Deep breaths. In for four and out for six. In, two, three, four, and out, two, three, four, five, six.’

Caitlin felt as if a heavy weight was crushing her chest but she focused on the calm voice and tried to breathe more deeply as the counting continued, low and steady. And gradually the panic began to ease and the weight began to lift. She began to feel safer.

‘Sorry,’ she managed at last, pulling air into her lungs. ‘Sorry. So sorry.’

‘It’s all right. Just keep breathing, slow and steady.’

Caitlin looked up into Sean’s piercing blue eyes. His hand was still resting on her shoulder.

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