Page 9 of Sinful Bride

Like where we stand.

Like where the hell he was instead of here, with me, like he promised he would be.

Like why my last name isn’t exactly… accurate.

Speaking of names… “Are you mad?” I reach for Taty’s foot and squeeze the blankets wrapped around it. “That I named her without you?”

“Not even a little.” Pasha says it without hesitation. I actually believe him. “After everything you did to bring her into this world, it’s your right as her mother to name her whatever the hell you want.”

I give him a tight smile. I have to try to not fall apart under the warmth of his—especially when there is still the glistening of happy tears in the corners of his eyes.

Taty wriggles in her bundle, twisting unhappily until she scrunches her face and breaks into an ear-piercing wail. Before I can panic, Pasha stands.

“Is she okay? Is she hurt? Is something?—”

“She needs her diaper changed,” he interjects calmly. “I’ll take care of it. You rest.”

I slump back on the pillows and watch him get to work changing her diaper. How does he know all this? How does he know what to do and when to do it?

How come I don’t?

I rearrange the pillows behind me and struggle my way upright. Watching Pasha move is so strange and so natural at the same time that my brain nearly cracks in two trying to make sense of it. He’s the same man he’s always been—efficient, huge, calm as a glacier.

But he hums as he works. Songs. Music coming from his lips.

Wonders never cease.

I don’t think I ever doubted he’d be a capable father; I just didn’t expect to see him being a great dad. It’s endearing and doing all sorts of things to my insides. And my hormones. And my heart.

And I just can’t deal with it all right now.

He reassembles her onesie and swaddles her back up in her receiving blanket, cooing at her in response to her own tiny babbles. She’s not even a day old, and she’s already trying to hold conversations.

She looks so tiny in his massive arms as he carries her back over to me.

My hands are trembling as I reach to take her. This will be my first time attempting to breastfeed. This will also be my first attempt to tackle at least one of the issues standing between me and her father.

Pasha turns to leave us once he sees she’s settled into my arms, but I grab his hand. “No. Please… stay. We need to talk.”

He grimaces as he sits back down. Maybe I went too far, too soon? But the fact that he sits on the bed instead of the chair is a good sign, right?

Taty fits perfectly into the crook of my arm. She’s a welcome warmth, both to my body and my soul, and I don’t know if I could ever ask for more. I carefully ease my breast from behind the loose gown and guide her little mouth to my nipple. The nurse said it might take a few tries to get her to latch, so I figure diving into the conversation neither of us want to have is a decent distraction.

“I didn’t lie to you. Well, not more than the average person.” I already want to kick myself for how lame that sounds. “I’m not saying that’s any better. I’m just… What I’m trying to say is, I never went out of my way to deceive you. For me, it was like being in witness protection. Not a lie to harm anyone. Just a deception to protect people.”

His face is guarded, carefully neutral. “People like your parents?”

“At first. I mean, that’s what I told myself when I changed my name. Since you didn’t come after me when you went after Melanie, everyone realized you didn’t know there was another sister. And I didn’t know who you were. Like, at all. So changing my last name and distancing myself from them was—I told myself, anyway—the best thing I could do as their daughter.” I wince when Taty presses her gums particularly hard on my nipple. “But the more I think about it… I think I did it to protect myself.”

Pasha doesn’t say anything. Just nods for me to go on.

“I basically grew up in boarding school. We both did, Melanie and me. It’s why we’re so close. We were the only family we had. Even when we came back for the holidays, it was more like… like we were ornaments they brought out to show off to their friends. Once the show was over, it was back in the box we went.”

He tilts his head to one side and studies me. “Your father worked for me. For my father, too. It’s hard to believe we never crossed paths.”

I try to hide the wince of pain when Taty gums my nipple painfully. I need her to suck, not chew. “Maybe we did. I’m not sure. But I think by the time you became CEO, I was off to college. And honestly, I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there. So was Melanie.” I glance up at him. “It’s why she doesn’t hate you for… you know. What you did. It gave her the perfect excuse to run. Be free.” Now, it’s my turn to scoff. “One time, she actually joked about sending you a thank-you card and a gift basket for doing her the favor. It was just icing on the cake when you ruined our parents, too.”

Pasha reaches out to caress Taty’s plump cheek. He only grunts, and again, nods for me to continue.

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