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And I needed to find it fast before I missed a cinder or two, my mind too preoccupied with Parker and his perfect mouth…

Before everything I’d worked so hard for somehow all went up in flames.

5

PARKER

Dear Journal—

Dear Diary?—

Dear We Still Need To Work On That?—

I have no idea what’s going on with my life right now. I’m starting to suspect I’m trapped in a made-for-TV movie of some sort, even though I’m not sure what my role is supposed to be. There’s just been so much happening lately. First, the fire. Then, the invitation to stay at Nicholas’ house. And now, we’re in a post blowjob scenario that I have no idea how to navigate???

I don’t even know if I’m his type! For all I know, I’m just the closest thing in proximity. Still, hooking up with Nicholas does seem like fun, even if that’s all it ever is. Besides, I’m supposed to be on vacation anyway, right? And hooking up with a hot guy is definitely something people do while they’re in vacation mode…

You know what they say… when in Rome…

I set my journal down on the bedside table and let out a loud sigh. It was true that I had no idea how to navigate what was going on with me and Nicholas, much less find a way to put it down in words. I’d gone from being frustrated by him to utterly fascinated by him, the way his possessiveness and jealousy rolled off him in a wave of heat, the way he touched me like I somehow belonged to him.

I’d never been touched like that before.

Fuck.

I wanted him to touch me like that again. I wanted him to control me like that again.

But I had no idea if it was just supposed to be a one-time thing.

“Nope. I am not going to spend my vacation pining after a guy,” I mumbled to myself, getting out of bed. “I might be trapped in some kind of movie-of-the-week, but I know I’m not the person who gets all weird and obsessed with the main character.”

I smoothed down my clothes as I made my way down the hall. Nicholas still wasn’t back from wherever he’d gone, which I assumed was into the office to put out a fire or two.

Literally.

I chuckled at my own joke as I headed into the kitchen. It was still dark outside, something I shrugged at as I pulled open the fridge and grabbed a few items to make a sandwich. I’d woken up starving, maybe because I’d done a lot of drinking but not a lot of eating at the honky-tonk…

Not that there was much to eat there, anyway. It wasn’t like the place was known for its cuisine.

I finished putting together my sandwich and sat at the kitchen island, quietly taking bites as thoughts of Nicholas ran through my head. I just had no idea where to start with him, like someone had gifted me a jigsaw puzzle but all the pieces were the exact same color. I’d never thought in a million years that he would’ve kissed me, and I never thought in a million years that I would’ve been on my knees in a honky-tonk bathroom.

Life was full of surprises. Maybe too full.

When I was done with my late night or potentially early morning meal, my mind still a little groggy with sleep, a thought suddenly popped into my head.

If Nicholas was a puzzle that I wanted to solve…

I just needed to find the right pieces.

What kind of fish was that?

I was staring at a photo of Nicholas holding onto a large fish, his face brimming with pride. He looked so happy he was about to explode, his hands wrapped underneath the fish like it was an early Christmas present he had no intention of ever letting go of. Unfortunately for me, I knew just enough about fish to still not know enough about fish, even though the background of the photo looked familiar. It was a fishing area closer to my neck of the woods, the realization sending a small thrill down the back of my neck as I wondered if we could’ve run into each other back then, if there was a chance I was just off-camera in my own little world.

I moved on to the next photo Nicholas kept in what seemed like his home office space, complete with a desk and a few inoffensive lamps. Although, I wasn’t able to figure out why a firefighter needed a home office, unless there was a lot more paperwork involved in fighting fires than I initially realized. It was one of those professions that only sort of existed in the periphery of my imagination, only really materializing when something was actually on fire.

The same way I never really thought about doctors until I was at a hospital.

The same way I never really thought about high-flying trapeze artists until I was watching them in a show.

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