Page 38 of Wild Boys After Dark: Logan
“Stella, just spit it out. What’s bothering you?”
“I’m not who you think I am,” she said before she could chicken out.
“You’re not Stella Krane?”
“No! I’m not a girl who says fuck me to a guy. I’m not a girl who blows a guy she just met. I was trying to shed my fear. You know, to break away, lose myself in lust. I was trying to erase the past.”
“Stella, you can’t erase the past. The past happened. Trust me, I’ve tried to erase the past for years, and no matter what, the goddamn past is still there.”
“I know…”
“Do you? Because if you do, then you have to also know that I accept your past. I want to help you move forward from your past. I want to put away the asshole who made your past take over your present.” His face tightened. “I want to kill him, but I won’t because that wouldn’t allow me to be part of your future.”
“My…Logan.” She could hardly believe the things he was saying, but his voice, the way his eyes filled with sincerity, and her heart, were telling her that this was real and that Logan was a good man. An honest man.
She was done being someone she wasn’t. She wanted Logan to know the real Stella Krane. The one she was proud of, the one she hoped could still return. The Stella Krane who wanted to bring him home to meet her mother.
“There’s more. I want you to know how far I am from being the person I used to be. You know that guy in the bar? The one I know you heard me tell to go home and fuck his wife?” She covered her face, her cheeks burning with shame. She hadn’t wanted to say the vile word. She felt his arms circle her waist. “I’m not that girl either.”
“Okay, so you don’t like to talk dirty.” He said this like it was no big deal. As if he’d said, Okay, so you don’t like turkey. “All these emotions are new for both of us, and it scares me shitless, too.”
“It does?” She couldn’t imagine Logan being scared of anything.
“Yes, but I want this.”
“But I’m so messed up.”
Logan pressed his lips to hers again. “Kutcher’s messed up. You’re scared. There’s a difference. I will never hurt you, Stella, and I’ll never let anyone else lay a hand on you ever again.”
She’d forgotten what it felt like to be cared about and to let herself hope. His confidence was arresting and reassuring, and it gave her strength.
“So stop worrying. Clean talk, dirty talk, no talk? It’s not the words you use that give them meaning, Stella. It’s the emotions driving them.”
She felt her cheeks flush. “I like talking dirty with you, but I think I like it when it means more than…you know.”
“Stella Krane, I want more with you. I want everything you’re willing to give.”
Chapter Eleven
LOGAN DROVE HIS father’s old pickup truck down the mountain toward Sweetwater with Stella sitting beside him. He didn’t drive his father’s truck often, but when he did, it made him feel closer to his father. And now he felt closer to his father and Stella, which made Logan feel good. His father would have liked Stella, and he wished he were alive to meet her.
“Do you miss your dad more when you drive his truck?” Stella asked.
“I miss him all the time, but yeah, I do.”
She placed her hand on his thigh and leaned her head on his shoulder.
“What’s it like, knowing you can’t see him again?”
He knew she was asking because of her mom’s cancer, but she hadn’t shared that information with him yet, and as with her name, he wanted her to trust him enough to share those most private parts of her life with him. He felt his throat thickening as he prepared to tell her the truth.
“I wake up every day and there’s this moment when life seems normal. The sun comes up, and I think about work and what I have to do that day. And then my mind always turns to my mom, and when it does, it hits me anew. Dad’s gone.” He paused to gain control of the tears that threatened to fall.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Stella said.
“It’s fine, darlin’.” He kissed the top of her head. “In those first few seconds as I remember, I feel like I’m being sucked under by a big wave. I can’t breathe. I’m not sure which way is up, and my world spins around me. And in the next breath, I stuff it away so I can function again.” He let out a fast, hard breath. “I was close to my dad. He didn’t want me to join the military. He wanted me home. He wanted me safe. But I had something to prove.”
