Page 49 of Finish Line

“I gave Nick a bunch of gifts for him to mail. You should receive them tomorrow, even though you won’t tell any of us where you are.”

Peter chokes at that last comment, drawing her attention.

That fake smile returns to her lips. “Christmas isn’t as it should be. But there is always next year, right?”

“Right, Mom.” My smile is a little strained. “Peter, make sure you take care of my mom.”

He casts a worried look at my mom before he turns to me. “I will, Shelby, don’t worry.”

“Everyone loves you, Shelby. But Hannah’s off the phone, and we’re going to eat now,” Mom says.

“I love everyone, too,” I say before I disconnect and sit back on the couch, just staring at the computer.

Why did I think things would go differently with Mom? At least Cin, Nick, and Peter were happy to talk to me.

Not wanting to linger over that awkward conversion anymore, I let my mind drift toward Luke, Mav, and Dom.

Why haven’t I talked to guys? The answer is simple. Because I’ve been too chicken shit to speak to them. It still hurts that they had doubts, but at the same time, it hasn’t been that long since we’ve known each other.

They aren’t the only ones who had doubts. I did at the very beginning of our being together. I sigh. I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss them. I’ve missed them since this crap started.

“You’re thinking about the guys,” Cam says.

I try to play it off. “Huh? How would you know?”

He chuckles and doesn’t let me pretend innocence. “Whenever you think about them, you get this sappy expression. Most of the time, it’s tinged with sadness, which I understand. What happened between you had to suck. But they want to talk to you and apologize for what they did.”

“They had no control over what they did,” I reply, automatically defending them.

Cam smirks at me. “It would be nice if you told them that, then, don’t you think?”

Damn, he’s right. I’ve been so caught up in my hurt that even though I never blamed them, I never told them that either. Granted, they were still hypnotized when I left to come here.

“Call Luke first,” I huff out.

Cam smiles and calls Luke, his face coming up on the screen.

“Merry Christmas, ba—” Luke pauses, seeming unsure, before starting again. “Shelby, Hi.”

“Hi, Luke, Merry Christmas.”

“Same to you. You look good. How are you doing?” he asks cautiously.

I keep my face calm, the smile in place. “Taking it day by day.”

“That’s all you can do. I’m glad you called.” He takes a deep breath. “I want to say how sorry I am for everything that happened.”

“You had no control over what you did. It hurt seeing you with Hannah like that, but it was the doubt you had that stung.” My voice grows thick.

“I need you to believe that I didn’t do anything with Hannah,” he insists. “I couldn’t. It felt wrong and made me sick. Even… Even trying to kiss her felt wrong. What you think happened, what you saw, me down on my knees like that… I never did anything with her. As for the doubt, I’m not sure what doubts I had. I think I was just worn down with dealing with the call from the morgue and my accident.”

“It’s possible. How have you been feeling?”

Luke and I talk for about a half hour before we say goodbye. A little worn and raw, I slump back into the couch cushions.

“You okay?” Cam asks from where he had settled down on the seat near me on the couch.

I put my hand on his leg. It’s been getting easier to touch him if I initiate it. “Yeah, I’m fine. Everything is just jumbled up in my mind. It’s like this internal war between my head and heart.” I touch my head, then I lay my hand over my heart.

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