Page 24 of Finish Line

A few days later, I drink through my stash of Dr. Pepper in my mini-fridge, forcing me to leave my room.

As I step out of the hallway toward the kitchen, I find everyone decorating the Christmas tree in the living room. They don’t see me right away, so I watch them. I forgot it’s Christmas, my first one celebrated here. I should be helping them.

They’re all smiles, joking, and having a good time in between Mom’s coughing fits. It’s almost like they’ve forgotten I’m here. Mom catches sight of me, and the smile on her face disappears.

Ouch. That stings.

“Shelby…We, umm, didn’t think…” She stumbles over her words.

“We figured you wouldn’t mind if we decorated the tree without you,” Hannah says for my mom.

My mom looks at Hannah and gives her a warm smile, and then she turns toward me.

She offers an ornament. “Would you like to join us?”

As she looks at me, her smile loses its genuineness, her lips slightly pinched, and the happiness doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

Even if I want to help, Mom doesn’t want me here. I screwed up her precious Christmas.

I shake my head, shift the case of Dr. Pepper cradled in my arms, and head back toward my room.

Partway down the hall, I stop and lean against the wall, trying to catch my breath. Freaking panic attacks.

“She’s not getting any better.” Mom’s voice filters down the hallway. “I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t come out of her damn room. I don’t understand why this is so much harder for her than Hannah. She was in that basement, too, and she’s doing so well. This might be our only Christmas together, and she’s ruining it.”

The sound of her disappointment settles deep in my chest.

I sigh and finish heading to my room, shutting the door and the words of whoever responds to Mom out. I fall on my couch and stare out my window. Part of me believes she’s right. I won’t leave this room. I can’t deal with them yet. I’m not the broken girl I was the last time I escaped him.

This time, Roger fucked me up.

I’m ruining everyone’s Christmas. Shit, Thanksgiving was canceled because they were too busy looking for me.

Roger’s voice creeps into my head. You’re ruining everyone’s holiday, again. They don’t want you around.

A little while later, someone coughs in the hallway before they knock on my door and open it before I can invite them in.

Mom stands hovers in the doorway, a bottle of water and tissues in her hands. “Is everything okay?”

I give her one of my fake smiles. “I’m fine.”

“I hope you’re not upset that we did the Christmas tree without you. We figured you wouldn’t be in the mood.” She shrugs a single shoulder.

“I’m fine with you decorating without me. It just surprised me. I… I forgot the date.” I pick my nails.

She opens her mouth, but starts hacking, and takes a sip of water.

“Are you sick?” I ask, concerned by how bad that sounded.

“No, nothing like that. The doctor told me it’s allergies. Thank God, since Christmas is only a few weeks away.” She clears her throat. “We have plenty of time to go shopping.”

I cringe at the suggestion I leave the house, let alone be surrounded by people, but she doesn’t notice.

“I thought we could invite your uncle and Cin over,” Mom continues.

The more she talks, the harder I dig my nails into my palm.

“Mom.” I stop her from continuing further. “I don’t want to ruin your holiday, but I’m not in the mood to celebrate.”

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