Page 174 of Finish Line

Mav and Cam decide on a large unit, which will run wall to wall. The centerpiece for the TV is maple, and the shelves are white.

“I love the light one. It will be amazing with the furniture,” I say.

Mav picks me up and spins me. “I knew you loved us more.”

I smack the back of his head. Dom uses his last name and some extra money to ensure the furniture arrives on time for our pre-race bonfire. I’m excited to have it at our place.

On the day of the party, we’re finishing breakfast when a thought hits me. “Do we even have a grill?”

Mav deflates a little. “No, but we’re going to buy one. Come on, Cam, let’s find out if we can borrow Nick’s truck.”

“He told us not to bother him. He’s close to finding Roger again,” Cin breathes out.

“He is?” I turn around.

“He said he was.” Cin stares at the counter. “We went upstairs, and he told us to go away. He’s close, and he needs quiet.”

Cam goes up to grab the keys from Nick. They ask if I want to go, but I decline. I head up to my room, sit on my bed, and open my letter from my mom that I’ve been avoiding since meeting with the attorney.

To my darling Shelby,

If you’re reading this, then I passed away. I can only hope we had many years together. As I’m writing you this letter, I’m trying to find you. I pray you’re all right and safe.

I was a horrible mother. I never forgave myself for dropping you off at my brother’s and not picking you up until years later. Honestly, that was the best thing I could do for you. At least, you found out what a true family should look like.

I tried to stay drug free every time I came out of those rehabs. I went to work and failed, then I came home to my hungry little girl and felt like a horrible mother.

I beat myself up for failing you, saying it would be better if I were a druggie again. If you were in a group home, you’d have a roof over your head and food to eat.

I understand now that I did wrong all those years. I needed to stay sober for me. Then, once I did that, we could have the relationship you deserve.

Baby girl, I can’t wait to watch you open Christmas presents and have a birthday cake on your birthday. To go on a vacation with you. To see you fall in love with someone who deserves you.

I hope you’re reading this once we do that and mend our relationship, because that’s what I want the most.

I guess you’re wondering about the money. I figured out with help how I became addicted. A lawyer came to me and asked if I wanted to sue, and after considering it, I decided to.

Peter, who I hope you get to know and love as much as I do, suggested I put the money in a trust for you. It wasn’t just me who these pills ruined. It also affected you.

I love you so much, Shelby. You have always been the brightest part of my life. I haven’t always shown it, but you were. I want you to spend the money as you want.

I love you.

Mom

The last few lines of the letter are blurry as I read through my tears.

I wish more than anything we could have what she dreamed. It wasn’t in the stars.

I must cry myself to sleep, because I wake up to someone peppering kisses all over my face.

“Hey, baby. You fell asleep. You all right?” Mav asks.

“Yeah, I came up here to read my mom’s letter.” I sit up.

“Do you mind if I read it?” he asks.

“No, go ahead.”

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