Page 16 of Drifting

“You’re family. We take care of each other,” Billy says. “We’ll be back the second you’re back up and running.”

“We better go,” Mike says. “You’re eyes are drooping. Call us if you need us, Trouble.”

They give me hugs and kisses on the cheek.

I hold on to Ricky before he can step back. “Can you pack up mine and Cin’s clothes and let the landlord know we won’t be back?”

“Of course.” He gives me one last squeeze before they file out of the room.

I’ll never find anyone better than those three. And I failed them.

* * *

My surgery takes place the next morning, but I don’t remember much of that day, or most of the morning that follows. Nurses come in and check on me, and I remember a couple of times telling them to fuck off.

Late that night, I ask them to stop the morphine drip. Having a mother who’s a user makes me more conscious about taking certain things.

The next morning, the orthopedic surgeon comes in and tells me they put a pin in my leg to hold the two bones together, which should cut my time down for healing. I need to stay off it for a month, then they’ll remove the cast and put on a splint or walking cast. If it heals as fast as he thinks, then I’ll be splint-free in two months.

A month of staying off of it? How the hell am I going to get around?

As for the multiple fractures in my arm, they put in two rods and screwed them to the bones to realign them. Since the bone pierced my arm, they cleaned the area and put in multiple stitches before putting a waterproof cast on my arm.

Great. More scars for me.

They put me on antibiotics as soon as I got here, and I’ll have to continue them for a few more days to make sure infection doesn’t set in.

Hearing him list out all my injuries scares me. I could have died, and the guy who did this to me got away.

* * *

Ricky shows up in the afternoon to let me know Cin’s stuff was cleared out before he got to our apartment. He drops off a large suitcase and an army duffle bag with my stuff.

He stays and chats for a bit, letting me know two of the guys found part-time jobs. That reminded me I need to find a job as soon as possible. Three years ago, I promised myself I’d never be dependent on anyone again, and I meant it.

Plus, I’ll be turning eighteen in less than a year, and I’ll need money.

When they bring in my dinner Ricky takes off with a reminder to call him, leaving me alone with a clear head and too many damn thoughts.

That night, I can’t sleep. Patty—I refuse to call her mom, she hasn’t been my mom in years—will arrive tomorrow, and I don’t know what has me so damn nervous about seeing her.

Being on my own these last three years was the first time my life was stable. And it felt so liberating, only having to take care of myself and not worrying if she overdosed. I could go out, trusting that my things would still be there when I got back, instead of sold for Patty’s next fix.

I miss Cin so damn much; she’s the one I went to when I needed to talk about something. When I tried calling her, the first two times the call went to voicemail. The next time I tried, I got an automated service telling me her account was canceled. I pray she’s okay.

When I finally fall asleep, I dream about handsy guys and a drugged-out Patty doing crazy things.

I’m thankful when the nurse gets me up only a few hours after I fell asleep. But then she helps me shower and keeps saying I need to look my best today, which annoys me.

What bullshit. I don’t care how I look for Patty, but I let her nails scrub my scalp, which feels good. Since I’ve been here, they’ve only given me that dry shampoo shit and a sponge bath, and it feels nice to finally be clean.

Then, the nurse helps me dress, which is when I realize most of my shirts won’t fit. Having a cast that goes from my knuckles up to my elbow sucks. At least they let me pick the color, blue, my favorite. Fitting clothes over my leg will be a challenge, too. I usually wear jeans, but they just don’t work with a cast that goes from my toes to my knee.

I find one pair of cut-off jeans in my suitcase and put those on for today. I’ll have to cut up more of my jeans later. I don’t have many to choose from, though. Neither Cin nor I cared much about clothes. They were usually last on our list when we had money to spend.

Once I’m clothed, the nurse helps me into a green, reclining chair in my room to wait for Patty to show up.

I hear her voice before I see her, and I grab the chair arms, digging in my nails.

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