Page 21 of Dust to Dust

She opened her mouth to lay me low, but I interrupted her, "I never apologized because there are no words that I could say to correct the wrong I did to you and your family." I hit my chest with my closed fist, "Guilt ate me alive when I thought you were dead, and now that you're alive, I see the effects of my wrongs. My sins beat my mind daily. Like lashes of a whip tearing my flesh open and breaking my bones. I love you, and I'll confess that to my dying days. I will correct my wrongs starting with my father." My chest labored. I tried my best to soften my voice, but resentment slipped through, "You never met me at the treehouse after school as I ordered you to. Why didn't you meet me? Why didn't you let me try to save you?" It wasn't her fault, but I could only survive those years of guilt by trying to convince myself that it was Elsa's fault. I could have saved her if she had met me and not went home first. We were beyond an apology. I needed to do more, and I would. I could take steps to repair my wrong deeds. Efforts, I was going to start tonight.

* * *

I had had enough talking; words could only break a person so much. It was time to show her. Bending down, I scooped her up and tossed her over my shoulder. When I threw her over my shoulder, her black hair looked like silky oil as it flew in front of my blue eyes. As I walked up the stairs from our basement, I slapped her ass, and she relaxed in my hold. She thought I was going to punish her with orgasms. It didn't matter if Nova overheard the brotherhood's meeting. I'd take care of my father and any threat to Nova and our future. Nova's need for vengeance would be finished in just a few days. Then, it would be how it was always meant to be. Nova and I together at the helm.

As I walked to my room, I remembered how my mind would drift to her in Initiation 101—years of hell that changed me from a broken boy to a ruthless man. During my training there, I always imagined an older version of Elsa. I'd dream of Elsa by my side, as my wife, the mother to my children. Yet the dream always turned into a nightmare. After each mission my brothers and I were sent on, it always ended the same for me. I'd see Elsa's face after I committed more sins. My mind told me it was Elsa's blood that covered my hands again.

The reality was that I was nothing more than a weapon used by my father to destroy. I killed Elsa and would continue to be weaponized to destroy others my father deemed unfit. It haunted me and threatened to drive me insane. If it weren't for my cousins and the brotherhood, I'd be a monster without morals. In a way, the brotherhood was a cage for all of us. The brotherhood was a group of broken and twisted boys who survived and grew into fractured men. We were stripped of our souls and remade to be killers. Our brotherhood bonded us, but it also tamed and protected us.

When we got to my bedroom, I tossed her on the sheets but remained standing as I looked over her like a predator eyeing its prey. Elsa was my first kiss, but Nova would be the first girl I made love to. It wasn't just sex. It was something more serious. When we made love, I tried to express to her all the things I could not find the words to. I tried to hide my dark side. That part of me was furious Nova had continued to remain hidden, playing her game. She had become too stubborn to ask me for help. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, sometimes my anger slipped out. I'd hold her too tight because I feared she would vanish before my eyes again. If I could, I'd chain her to me.

Grey eyes that haunted my mind, day and night, looked back at me as they drank me in slowly. Nova couldn't hide the fact that my body turned her on. Her heart-shaped face beamed as her pouty lips tugged up into a hidden smile, ready for a taste of what was coming. Nova was so sensitive to my touch; with a few gentle strokes, whether from my fingers or tongue, she fell over the edge. Lust washed over her eyes like a storm over a dark ocean. Her iris's shifted from the natural grey to a shade of molten steel. Nova's dark hair fell loose around her shoulders as it fanned over my bed. I took my time engraving her image into my memory. Blonde or raven, she was stunning. Nova took my breath away regardless of how she changed her appearance.

I grabbed my shirt, pulled it over my head, and tossed it to the floor. "I want to know," I demanded as I looked down at my prey. The girl who captured my heart. Those secret nights in her treehouse, she cut me open, grabbed my heart, and bonded our souls. There was no turning back and no future without her. Her grey eyes narrowed slightly as her sly smile dropped, "I want to know what happened that day you never came to meet me and the years after?" That question pissed her off but not enough to try and flee my room. No matter how much Nova wanted to convince herself she hated me, Elsa was still buried deep inside her; Elsa would never run from me.

Nova crawled deeper into bed and slipped under the sheets, "I'm tired and need my beauty sleep." She turned to cover herself, but she couldn't cover up the sliver of hurt that rumbled in her voice. I watched as she tried to pretend she didn't want me, but her body did the opposite when she curled up into a ball and rested her head on my pillow. My blue eyes watched as her nostrils flared when they inhaled my scent.

There it was.

Nova felt safe again.

I was her safe space even when she couldn't admit it out loud or to herself.

My feet almost didn't want to move as I watched her. Just a few months ago, I never would have dreamed the girl I loved, who I thought was dead, would one day be in my bed. Watching her from afar was what I had been doing. I needed more now and craved to feel her. I walked to the opposite side, peeled my clothes off, and crawled in. She lay limp, like a doll that was broken. She didn't aid me when I pulled her closer to my chest. We were silent until I felt her muscles melt into the state of borderline slumber. Just where I needed her, exhausted and easy to peel apart.

"Do you want me to start?"Come on, babygirl, give a little and take the little I'm offering.

Nova's lungs released a long sigh then she shrugged in my hold, "I'm going to sleep, so do whatever you want."

I knew damn well she wasn't going to sleep. I'd take the first step in healing us, "My father asked me to get close to you," I confessed. When I finished the confession of my original sin, her body stiffened, "But, as soon as I talked to you, I knew you were different; and I made a lifelong promise." I nuzzled my nose in her hair, "I'd keep you for myself."

Nova snorted, "That's your problem, Ti. You think everything is a possession."

"It is." I corrected her, "Everything in this world can be taken. In one way or another, we are all objects in the game of man versus man." That silenced her, so I continued, "I was a fourteen-year-old kid Nova. I didn't know how to protect you from my father. I knew if I ever let my feelings for you slip, he'd take you from me to teach me a lesson." I ran my fingers through her hair; the darkness was a stain from my sins. I stripped away her heavenly glow.

"I kept you hidden and separate from the task he ordered, but I still had to do my job. My father wanted that company. I snuck into your house and installed the virus on your laptop that ripped apart your parents' lives. I didn't think it would come to hurt you. Everyone yields to Lucas King. Then everything went to shit. Your parents took a loan from someone else, thinking if they paid my father back, it would free them from his hold. Dad wasn't going to lose your parents’ company or risk it going to a competitor.

"I sat on the floor next to the fireplace in his office that evening. Dash was with me; he kept watching me. Dash was worried I'd do something stupid and get myself killed. I looked into the fire, knowing that my father was about to burn down what your parents worked for, not just their company. My father would not stop because if he let this happen, others would think they could take from King Corporations. I don't know who your parents turned to for help, but I do know that it threatened my father." Giving her time to let my words settle, I bent down and kissed her head, remembering when I could kiss Elsa's blonde hair in the treehouse. "That day I asked you to meet me right after school was the day I was going to turn my back on my family and give my full heart to you. I knew that the repercussions of my actions would most likely lead to my death, but none of that mattered as long as I died knowing you were safe.”

Chapter 16

"Iknew that the repercussions of my actions would most likely lead to my death, but none of that mattered as long as I died knowing you were safe." It's funny how a bunch of letters joined together can change your life.

He was going to die for us,Ghost murmured. She finally felt at peace knowing that Titan was going to try and warn her. But how did that make me, Nova, feel? I wasn't sure. Forgiveness wasn't a word I knew. How could I chew it down and swallow it? It tasted like an overcooked piece of steak. No matter how much I chewed, it wouldn't break down.

Then just swallow it whole, Nova,Ghost suggested. Or was she pleading?

Maybe Ghost was right; I'd have to swallow it whole and hope it stayed down.Puking was never pretty.What else was there to do besides kill Titan now? Which I know I can't do. I had to move on. The path I chose at the start of my course for vengeance was crumbling. I was running, sprinting to reach some safety as the road under my Prada boots crumbled. Here I was; I had run out of time. I was trapped in the chains Titan wrapped me in. Worst of all…I didn't want to escape. That's why I convinced myself I'd stay and make him miserable.

Are you going to leave me now that you know the truth?I asked Ghost. It seemed like eventually, everyone would leave me. That's life, people live, and people die. Wasn't it common knowledge that ghosts could finally be set free when they found peace?

Why would I leave, Nova?

You just said you were at peace,I repeated. I tried to swallow, but it wasn't easy. The tingling feeling of emotions had broken free.Usually, when a spirit finds peace, it can finally be at rest.

I'm not going to leave Nova because I never died, now did I?She corrected with slight amusement in her tone. In truth, she didn't die. A part of Ghost, Elsa, always lived inside my mind. Our conversations kept me sane.

Ghost laughed. Theconversations in your head, to your old self, whom you refer to as Ghost, kept you sane? Nova, we are a perfect pie for a therapist to devour.

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