Page 39 of When I Fall In Love

I walk into Al’s Grocer, head straight for the pre-made sandwiches and pick one out for Bob. The aisle runs parallel with what is still the snack aisle. I find a box of chocolates for May and continue to the wine racks where I stop mid-stride.

Raiden. Small towns. So small. You can’t turn your back without running into someone.

“Imagine seeing you here,” he says in greeting, and glances over my shoulder to the empty aisle behind me.

“Just getting wine for dinner tonight. You’ll be there, won’t you, with Georgiana? She told me you’re staying in Bill and May’s boathouse for now.”

“For now, yes, but we’re moving into a rental at the end of the month. The weather’s changing and the boathouse isn’t four seasons.” Raiden drops his gaze and when he looks up at me again, he takes a step closer. “I-I never had a c-chance to speak to you a-alone last night.”

There it is, that stutter that used to frustrate the living crap out of him, but it seems to be so much better now than it was all those years ago.

“No,” I say on a chuckle. “It was pretty chaotic and there were a lot of people.”

“Yeah.” Raiden smiles. “That’s Ethan for you.” He shuffles on his feet and shifts his basket to his other hand. “I-I want to apologize to you. Face to face, in person.”

A beat of silence follows as I frown. “For what?”

“If I hadn’t run away all those years ago, Hunter would have stuck with the plan. H-he would have gone to S-Stanford. I mean, he got a place at one of the top universities in the country, and I fucked that up for him. And what I did… it messed with what you had too. Your plans. I-if it weren’t for me—”

“Oh God, Raiden.” I’m struck right to the heart with his words and the look on his face which speaks of pure remorse. “I don’t think it’s as uncomplicated as that.”

“B-but what if it were?” He swallows hard and drags his fingertips through his beard. “Hell, such a loose nut I was, beyond my own problems, I just couldn’t see. All these years down the line, I don’t think Hunter has g-gotten over all the shit that went down back then, you know?”

If it isn’t one freaking Logan pushing me to tears, you can rest assured that the next one in line will do so. “I know what you mean about ‘getting over shit’. We were all selfish teenagers at some point, Raiden.”

“No. Not all of us. Hunter has never been selfish. He never thinks of himself first. Everything he does is for someone else’s benefit. He has literally been putting himself last in line ever since the day our parents died.” Raiden shakes his head as if he could stop his emotions from playing out on his face. “To be honest, I can’t stand idly by and look at him without regretting everything that’s gone down.”

“Then maybe you should apologize to him and not to me?” I say, trying to read between the lines. “Have you?”

“No, but I will. When the time is right.” He drops his gaze and when he looks up again, there’s regret in his eyes. “You’re not here to stay so… at least I got this off my chest with you while you’re here.”

19

HUNTER

I cruise down to Bill and May’s farmhouse and breathe out a slow breath.

Another evening. Another trial.

Beth’s rental is parked already. As I drive in and get a glimpse down the hill to the lake, I see her walking with May towards the boathouse in the twilight. Hannah skips along and Mycroft trails after Hannah as if she were his big sister.

Oh boy. Derek’s in trouble and it wouldn’t be the first time either. Five years in and he has the single parenting thing down to a T, but bringing a puppy into the mix could be a reckless addition. Mycroft might be Raiden and Georgiana’s puppy, but I saw Hannah’s face light up last night when she played with him. Derek had to drag her away to take her home for bed. Dogs need time and attention, and with the workload I foresee, Derek is going to be spread thin.

Could we care for a puppy at the office should Derek cave in? It’s so easy to cave in to Hannah, and he couldn’t leave the dog at home alone the whole day. For some reason an office dog doesn’t bother me at all. As long as the doggo doesn’t go into the factory, it could work.

I get out of my truck with a resigned sigh and take out the small camping freezer I have for transporting tasting batches of ice cream. Puppies are the best distraction, but the bottom line is that this is another night of Beth so close, and yet so far away she might as well still be in San Francisco. That’s what my head tells me, but my body whispers constantly that she’s close, so close. My heart splinters at the thought of her, of us, and what had been lost.

Once inside the house I plug in the freezer, then glance over the table and kitchen to see what still needs to be done. The crockpot is keeping May’s signature chili warm, and my stomach growls on cue. She’s given me the recipe, has shown me how to make it countless times, but I’ll be damned if I can get it to taste as good as hers. I glance around, pick a spoon out of the drawer, and quickly help myself to a big bite. It’s hot on more than one level and I huff out heat around the mass of delicious grub now in my mouth. Goddamn. It’s so tempting to take another bite, but instead I hide my spoon in the half-filled dishwasher because as usual, May’s kitchen is spotless.

The table is set with the usual chili toppings—bowls of sour cream, grated cheese and chunks of French loaf because us boys used to be like a daily locust invasion. Flowers, wine, and a box of chocolates are clumped together in the middle, looking like a gift to the hostess. Yellow roses. Beth’s favorite. She’s just everywhere and somehow for me, she always has been. For a part of me, Beth never left.

With a groan I get busy opening the bottle of wine as I hear voices coming up the hill. We won’t eat until Bill is back from milking, but I’m going to need a drink to get through this evening. Laughter soon spills over the porch into the house, and I look up as May, Beth, and Georgiana walk through the front door. They cluster together at the entrance and take off their shoes as Mycroft rushes in, looking a bit befuddled until he’s back in Georgiana’s arms.

“You’re not clean, Mycroft! Why did you have to drag yourself through every puddle with Hannah?”

“It’s fun!” Hannah is leaning into the front door. “Come on, Crofty, let’s play outside.”

“Your daddy is going to be here soon and then it’s dinner time, Hannah,” May says. “Five minutes, okay?”

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