Page 49 of Pieces of Us

Billie jumps in. ‘Oh, she’s the talk of the town. Talk of all our friends.’ What baffles me is why she wants to talk like we’re best friends.

‘I only really have my two best friends, Lily and Rome, who I talk to, but I’ve seen them plenty of times over the years.’

‘So, what’s the go with you and Jagger?’ I’m irritated that Billie thinks it's her right to dig into my personal life. My eyes snap to her, only to see that she’s enjoying making me feel uncomfortable and pressured.

‘I don’t really talk about my friends or our personal lives.’ I scratch my forehead, trying to mentally get rid of the itch that is this bitch.

‘But he’s more than just a friend?’

‘He’s so hot,’ Ella sighs dreamily, bringing a little levity back into the room.

‘Yes, he is.’ I agree that my best friend is drop-dead gorgeous. I mean, he’s been named GQ Man of the Year. Of course he’s stupid attractive.

‘Yes, he’s more than a friend?’ Billie interjects again.

I don’t want to say yes or no, because if I say yes, I’m lying, but if I say no, I look like a loser.

‘He’s just Jagger,’ I say surreptitiously, lifting my mug again and taking another sip to lubricate my coarse throat.

‘Have you ridden that stallion?’ What. The. Fuck?

How dare she bring up any of this like we’re best friends. I bet you every cent in my bank account she will sell whatever I say to the media.

I’m shocked at her brashness.

I also don’t deny it because…well, I sort of have.

‘You can’t ask that,’ Ella sputters. ‘Would you like it if I asked you who you’ve fucked, or who you lost your virginity to, or anything else personal like that?’ she rambles, her hands flailing in Billie’s direction. She’s outraged on my behalf, knowing I can’t retaliate back because of outside ears.

‘I wouldn’t have a problem with it. But just for your information, I lost my virginity to Lincoln.’ My stomach tumbles. ‘In year ten.’ And my heart stops as I gasp. Ella’s eyes fly to mine when she hears the shock in my voice. My eyes, just trained on Billie, find their way to the table, as do my hands, gripping the edge to steady me from fainting.

‘W.-w.-what?’ I whisper.

‘Oh, you didn’t know? Lincoln lost his virginity to me, and I him. We were study buddies for some project, and when he came over, one thing led to another. It was perfect. I always knew we had a connection.’ The way she says it is so wistful that I know it’s true.

‘Well, good for you,’ Ella mutters, clearly seeing the distress in my face.

The agony over that one confession is unimaginable.

He lost his virginity to her.

Up until now, I thought it was all lies. Hearing her confirm it after all these years completely and truly shatters me.

What was the most soul-defining moment of my life was all a lie.

‘He was so sweet, too. He was very attentive. He lit some candles, popped on some music and made sure I was okay all the way through.’

The punches she keeps throwing feel life-ending.

It wasn’t hell enough that they were an item for years. Or that he chose her. Now I find out she had him first. She’s always been his.

‘It was the most special night of my life. He certainly learned a thing or two when we reconnected again, if you know what I mean?’ I shudder, finding it hard to draw shallow breaths. Hearing this is sending me on my way to another panic attack. ‘He’s practically lived inside me for the last seven years. He can go all night, you know.’

‘You need to stop.’ Ella’s voice is deadly. I didn’t know she had it in her. I’d high-five her, but I’m having trouble sitting and living at the moment.

‘What? You asked.’ Billie is revelling in the tidbit she’s sharing.

Ella pushes herself back from the table, the chair scraping against the tiles as she gets in Billie’s face. ‘Go fuck yourself, Billie.’

---