Page 46 of Pieces of Us

I can’t deny to myself that I liked the feel of Billie, but she isn’t listening. I used to look at her the same way too. I worshipped her as if she was my religion.

‘Amity. I need you to listen. I never once compared you to Billie. Your bodies, separately, were and are perfect. I never wished you looked like her. I was in love and lust with your body.’

Her face tells me she doesn’t believe me. Fuck. I’ve failed as a boyfriend and as a friend if she doesn’t believe me.

‘But you’re not denying you like my body better now.’ She’s fixated on her weight. Something she should never have to worry about. It’s unsettling, and makes me feel like there’s more to what she’s letting on. Were there ever strong signs this deeply affected her? I thought it was just normal teenage shit.

‘I like that you seem more comfortable and confident in your body now. You weren’t like that when we were together. I hardly saw your body. Now, it’s like you’re proud of your figure. Do I love your tits and ass? Of course I do, but it wouldn’t matter to me if you were a size six or sixteen.’ I shrug, hoping she gets the message.

‘You broke up with her because you found out she started the horrific rumours about me?’ She skates past what I just told her.

‘Yes. She was gossiping to our friends about you. She’s jealous of your fame. I felt sick when I heard it and ended it. She apologised and opened up about how she always felt inferior to you—like you were the third person in our relationship. After airing out all our dirty laundry, we decided to stay friends.’

She purses her lips. ‘Friends who fuck.’ It’s a statement, not a question.

‘Yes.’

‘I find it a little hard to believe you want me back when you’re fucking her, and have been for the better part of seven years.’ Her tone is incredulous, bordering sarcastic. She watches me cooly.

‘It was a coping mechanism after seeing you move on so fast from me.’ Surprise sheaths her face. She whips her eyes to mine, curious at my statement.

‘Coping mechanism?’

My jaw clenches as I stare over her shoulder. ‘Yeah, babe. You’re practically naked for your job and you hang around fucking rock stars, movie stars, sports stars. Don’t even get me started on this Jagger prick. I’m fucking seething that you’re probably fucking and sucking any dude you want.’ I laugh bitterly, petulantly folding my arms.

She barks out a maniacal laugh with zero humour.

‘I’m not you,’ she shoots. ‘If that’s really what you think of me, then that’s dismal. My job is my job, and that’s it. If it bothers you so much to the point you need to fuck and suck a hoard of whores, then there’s nothing left to say,’ she snaps.

I immediately crouch in front of her, grabbing her hands. She flinches, but it doesn’t stop the jolt of electric current surging through me. She flickers her forest-green eyes behind me, wanting to avoid the intimacy of this moment.

‘I’m so proud of you, Hart. I wish I could have been there alongside you, but don’t for one second think I’m not a jealous cunt when I see other guys near you, or the comments you get on your social media, or even when another guy breathes in your direction.’

Tugging on her hands, I hope she hears the sincerity in my voice.

She nods, accepting what I’ve told her. I go back to my seat, feeling a lot more relaxed. There’s a lingering thought still in the back of my head about what she’s been through, but this is her time to grill me, so I let it subside for now.

‘Can I ask how many others there have been?’ Her morbid curiosity gets the better of her.

Rubbing the back of my neck. I know I want to be as honest as possible. ‘I really don’t know. Maybe ten, on and off over the years between Billie. She was always the constant.’

She winces at my response, sighing in discomfort.

‘None of them came close to the feelings I had for you,’ I insist. ‘Have for you,’ I clarify.

‘What about since I’ve been back?’ she fishes.

I shoot her a withering glare, watching as her lips tip up into a sweet smile.

‘So I’ve cock blocked you then?’

I snort, laughter bubbling between us at her quip. ‘I’m not complaining. I don’t want anyone but you.’

‘Thank you for answering my questions.’ The conversation turns serious again, thick air hanging around us.

I look at her solemnly, my entire focus on her. ‘Anytime. Anything else you’d like to know?’

She shakes her head, letting out a long breath as if the weight of the world has been lifted off her shoulders.

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