Page 44 of Pieces of Us

She gives me an adorable, awkward smile. ‘Hi.’ Crossing the threshold and passing me, she steps further into my office.

I hurriedly close the door and block out peering, leering eyes.

When I spin around, my eyes dart to the shorts cupping her ass. The jiggle it used to make in my hands, or when she bounced on my cock made me unhinged. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I am itching to do the worst kinds of things to it.

My eyes dash to her face just before she catches me. ‘I hope this is okay?’ she asks, unsure whether she should sit or not.

‘This is the best surprise. You’ve made my year,’ I insist. ‘Sit,’ I plead, hoping she gets more comfy. I walk back around to my seat, rolling it so I’m next to her.

With every effort, I train my face muscles to relax so she doesn’t see how nervous I am at the unexpected visit. I wait patiently with my hands in my lap, giving her the time and space she needs to coherently speak her mind.

‘I’m ready to talk.’

I open my mouth, but she stops me with her hand.

‘If it’s okay, I’d like to ask the questions.’

I blow a breath out, running my hands up and down my knees. ‘By all means. The floor is yours.’

Taking a deep lungful of air, I can see her mind filtering through which stab-me-in-the-heart question she wants to ask first.

‘I need to know your thought process and the events leading up to you effectively shutting me out and going for her,’ she spits. ‘Please don’t sugarcoat anything. I need to understand…even if it hurts.’

So, I guess we’re starting off with one of the most difficult questions of all time.

My palms are perspiring, and not even rubbing them on my pants is helping. I don’t want to give her drivel, so I really think about my answer in a way that will place her in my mindset back then.

‘I need to preface this by saying it was nothing you did, and it wasn’t because I didn’t love you or wasn’t in love with you.’ She gasps at my candidness, her eyes shining with sadness. ‘In hindsight, I wish I would have told you that every day, but in some ways, maybe it was easier you didn’t know, because it would have made what I did worse.’ She nods mutely.

‘Okay.’ Her head bows down as if she’s ready for the blow.

‘Billie was never what you were to me, missing the same calibre and intensity, but when you moved, it left an opening to be filled. Despite what you may think, or what I know now, she was always a kind, loving, go-lucky, genuine friend who took the time to really care about me. She didn’t seem like she had any agenda or drama, and I saw a lot of you in her, which made me feel not so lost.’ She scoffs at my likening them. ‘I don’t want to say I was actively trying to replace you, but she seemed like a good fit to help me deal with not having your presence in my life. It was organic. We just started hanging out more, talking more, being stupid and silly around each other, and as much as I hate to admit this, I was attracted to her, and she made me feel wanted. There was a spark.’ As if I just slapped her in the face, Amity jerks her chair back, the scrape of the legs audible around the room.

I rush to correct myself. ‘I wasn’t attracted to her just for her looks. I mean, I guess, to some degree, her looks, but I don’t have a type. If I do, you’re my type.’ I’m fucking this up harder than a pornstar in a gangbang. ‘I mean, I was attracted to her personality and how she made me feel again…after you.’ I’m fumbling. If I was a footballer, you wouldn’t pass me the ball at this point.

She starts shallow breathing and her head shakes in utter despair. ‘So you pulled away from me to get closer to her?’

I fidget with my collar. ‘I guess? I think deep down, I knew I was betraying you, but I was also betraying her by keeping the memory or the hope of us alive.’ Her brows furrow in a frown.

‘And when things…progressed…you didn’t think I had a right to at least know, at the very least as a friend?’ I see the pulse point in her neck thrumming wildly as her anger builds.

‘It was a concoction of things.’ My fingers thread through my hair. ‘I was lonely. Horny. Young. Wanted. And I was feeling better about this new chapter. I knew that if I told you, I would be dragged back to that hopeless feeling I had when you left. I’m not saying in any way, shape or form that it’s your fault.’

Her grimace tells me she doesn’t believe me as she plays with the tips of her hair.

‘But I came back…and you still chose her.’ She turns her head to intentionally avoid my face.

‘By that point, I didn’t think it was fair to just drop her after we had built something. Selfishly, a part of me wanted to see if the feelings I had for her could match up to the feelings I have for you. Staying with her was the only way for sure I’d know who my soulmate was.’

She scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest. ‘That’s a thing you don’t need to do an experiment on. You should know, you know, in your soul.’

‘I felt something for her. I just didn’t know what it was at the time. I didn’t want to make a mistake. I also didn’t want to hurt either of you, but I figured I’d already lost you when you…found out.’ She eyes me curiously, her piercing green stare listening intently to every word.

She cocks an eyebrow, and a slightly villainous smile turns up. ‘Yes.’ She claps. ‘Let’s talk about the moment I found out.’

I slump back in my chair, feeling smaller than a microorganism. ‘What do you want to know?’ I reside myself to the fact that I’m about to get reamed. It was the single worst moment of my life when she walked in on me fingering Billie in the hot tub.

‘I was drunk.’

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