Page 2 of Pieces of Us

After a rocky start, where I declared he was my boyfriend in pre-school and wouldn’t stop hassling him, he forgot all about his animosity towards me when I shared my bucket of fairy floss with him at the Sydney Royal Easter Show. We’ve been inseparable ever since.

We may have been boyfriend and girlfriend when we were four, but damn do I wish we were still a thing now. I have a painful crush on Lincoln.

‘There you are, Hart.’

Speak of the sexy devil himself.

My face heats as he slips an arm around my bare, bulging waist. I always blush whenever he pays me the slightest attention. Truthfully, it’s getting more difficult to hide my feelings from him. My heart stutters every time he calls me my special nickname. Hart. He initially started calling me that because it was part of my last name, Hartford, but now he says it’s because I’m a permanent part of his heart.

I’ve tried to push him into the friend zone in my mind—backhanding him when he is being gross, rolling my eyes at his inappropriate jokes, high-fiving him when he does something cool. But in moments like this, when his body is pressing up against me, and he smells like Lynx deodorant with a faint hint of sweat that surrounds my senses, my guard shatters. Briefly, I wonder what it would be like to be his actual girlfriend, not just his friend.

‘Hart?’

Snapping out of my fantasy, I peep up at him. His eyes are soft, and his mouth is relaxed in a small smile. I’m close enough that I can see the flecks of caramel and gold in his eyes and smell the tang of lemonade he’s been drinking. Unconsciously, I lick my lips, drawing a wider smile from him as his eyes dart down to where my tongue has just swept. His arm tightens around me, crushing me to his side. I can’t help but suck in my gut, feeling apprehensive over my extra padding.

‘Ewww!’ A shriek pings my ears from behind me, causing me to startle and drop the sausage roll I’m holding. Of course, splatters of rich tomato sauce now speckle my white outfit. Linc abruptly turns to see what all the commotion is about.

‘You have blood all over your skirt,’ a horrified voice drawls, bringing even more mortifying attention to us.

I whip around to see Billie Simmons hold her hand against her chest in the fakest act of shock and sympathy I’ve ever seen, like she’s suddenly so concerned for me. Even though she’s talking about me, she stares blatantly at Linc to see his reaction.

My brain registers what she’s said, and on instinct, I immediately cover my backside with my hands to cover the stains of my own blood. With all the possible scenarios of when and how I would get my period for the first time, not once did I think of the nightmarish hell that is this moment. Mum went over how I was to prepare, and I even have a little emergency kit in my school bag, but little difference that makes right now.

My tongue scrapes the roof of my mouth as I try my hardest to blink back fat tears that are threatening to rapidly fall at any second.

‘Are you okay?’ Linc ignores Billie as he starts taking off his jacket.

This is the worst moment of my life. There isn’t a single instance where I’ve ever prayed more for an asteroid to plummet straight into me.

‘I’m not good with blood,’ Billie whines, knowing full well that Linc was asking me, not her. ‘I think I’m going to faint. Linc, can you walk me over to a chair?’ He hands me his jacket so I can wrap it around my skirt. I fumble for what feels like a full minute, my hands shaking with embarrassment as the sting from my cheap mascara incinerates my watering eyes.

‘Linc?’ Billie’s shrill voice asks again.

‘Uhh…,’ Linc looks between us, clearly not wanting to leave me, but also not wanting to be a wanker and decline helping her. He’s always attentive and gallant.

‘It’s okay,’ I whisper in shame. ‘I’ll just get Dad to pick me up. Help Billie.’ I’m more than aware that there is nothing wrong with her. She scraped her knee in PE last week, and the blood didn’t bother her then. My best friend, Lily, who somehow has made her way next to us, turns to lead me away from curious and uncomfortable prying eyes.

This is utterly humiliating. If there was any word to accurately describe what I am feeling right now, it would be ‘inconsolable’ or ‘distraught’. I just need to keep it together for a few more minutes before I hide away forever. Getting my period in front of my whole cohort is social suicide.

Billie fixes me with a saccharine smile that is as fake as Splenda. ‘I’m so sorry this happened to you.’ She slips her hand into Linc’s arm, hobbling away as if she’s going to faint.

I clench my jaw as a rush of jealousy sears through me on top of the degradation I feel from everybody staring at me.

Billie is everything I’m not. She is the quintessential Aussie babe with blonde hair, a golden tan and blue eyes that remind you of a clear summer’s day. She is the stereotypical popular girl who masks the mean girl inside her in a deceptively cunning way. She has never been outright mean to me. Actually, if you were to ask her, she would say we’re friends. But I’m only friends with her through Lily. I consider her a necessary acquaintance—someone I invite to places because it’s easier than not doing so. I don’t even think she likes me. She just puts up with me, like I put up with her. Do I see us being friends after high school? Not really. But I have another five years until I graduate, and I would rather be on her good side. She and Lily know each other through dancing and netball. Naturally, they’re closer than Billie and I because of their similar interests. Lily and I clicked in kindergarten, and have been each other’s Yin and Yang since. I think Billie originally felt threatened by our friendship, which is why she’s never bothered to be entirely inclusive or accepting of me. Like I said, she hasn’t gossipped about me or been bitchy. She just likes to make a lot of backhanded compliments. Like pointing out how she admires how I eat anything I want because I am comfortable in my own skin (AKA I am a fat cow who loves her food). I am aware that I’m not a grasshopper like her. I have generous curves. I thought I would have grown out of my baby fat by now, but clearly this is just me. My weight and looks are a sore spot for me, but I am working on it.

Another reason I know Billie has this disdain towards me? She has a not-so-secret crush on Linc and is jealous of my friendship with him. How do I know this? She reduces me to being ‘one of the guys’ when it comes to him.

Linc is popular. He isn’t just hot. He’s also bright, a bit of a class clown, and has that ultra laid-back, cool dude thing going on while still managing to play footy. He has this magnetism about him; he is kind, genuine, and makes you feel like you are the most important person in the room when you’re with him. It always kills me when she bounces over after a team win and wraps her skinny arms around him as a congratulations. To his credit, he always keeps their encounters brief, but I don’t like her touching any part of his body.

‘Ugh. Are you okay?’ Lily asks softly, shielding me from the grimaces and grossed-out stares from all the boys. ‘Billie shouldn’t have drawn attention to you.’

I choke out a small sob as she leads me into the front bathroom to clean up. My teardrops stain the concrete pavement, leaving a trail of breadcrumbs to where we’re headed. If I’m not careful, my nose will start bleeding soon. It always happens when I get emotional.

There isn’t much I can do about my soiled underwear, but I can at least stuff some tissues up there until Dad arrives. ‘Can you text my dad and ask him to come get me, please?’ I am down to my last $5 in credit, and even though I should call him, I can’t face any more humiliation.

Bumping shoulders with me in solidarity, Lily takes my phone and starts typing away. ‘Linc totally wanted to come with us,’ she says, trying to bolster my spirits.

Sometimes I believe her—like our little moment before Billie pretty much screamed bloody murder. But other times, like now, when I can see him through the bathroom window, soothing her by rubbing her back, it feels like he prefers her.

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