Page 106 of Pieces of Us

‘Why?’

‘Because she was suffering and there was nothing I could do. I knew we kept missing each other’s calls, but between my projects and her schedule and our time difference, it was impossible to have a phone call. I thought my texts were enough, but I know now that they weren’t.’ It’s crushing to hear that I couldn’t be what she needed.

‘It’s not your fault my mind is so confused,’ Amity says, her voice cracking.

‘There’s nothing wrong with your mind, baby. We just need to ask April what we can do when you start having these thoughts.’ I kiss the top of her head, slouching back, ready to dive into the session for real.

‘Why don’t we start at the beginning. I have about two hours,’ April says, crossing one leg over the other. I know we need to get into the nitty gritty before we work out practical solutions to move forward. She asks a lot of invasive questions about our past, our relationship breakdown, Billie, my headspace and more. It’s all things I’ve rehashed with Amity, but opening up to April makes it feel even more real. April and Amity fill me in on her rehab stay, and a bit more about her lifelong struggle over weight.

‘What has been the hardest thing about all of this so far?’ April questions, as Amity sips on some tea.

‘Besides losing the love of my life for years?’ I sigh, exhaling heavily. ‘Knowing that I’m either the best or worst thing for her. I don’t want to be her trigger and hurt her. I need her to have complete faith and trust in me that I won’t break her again, or be the reason why she goes backwards. I have a fear that I’ll be too much of a trigger that she’ll end up thinking it’s easier to cut me out of her life for good. I’d die for her. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for Hart, even if it kills me. I want a forever with her.’

Amity gasps beside me, shakingly putting down her tea. ‘No. Linc. No.’

‘Let him talk, Amity.’ April encourages me to go on, but I’m done. I’ve bared my soul.

‘I’m good.’

‘Amity? What has been the hardest thing since Lincoln being back in your life?’

‘It terrifies me to think I could lose him again, whether it be the distance, my schedule, my issues, other outside influences that tempt him, or even…the fact that I’m defective goods, or too hard to deal with.’

I shake my head. ‘Never. None of that is true or would ever be enough for me to screw us up again. I’m here, baby. I’m here with you forever.’ I turn to April and ask how we make sure none of what we mentioned happens.

By the end of the session, we both have our homework. Amity is going to tell me when she’s having any intrusive thoughts, and I’m going to learn her new routine for fitness and diet. If or when we inevitably argue, we won’t let it fester, and we will make sure that it’s resolved. Despite my cautiousness over how to cope with the revelation of her struggles, I’ve seen just how extraordinary she is. She doesn’t let it constantly weigh her down or beat her; she takes it in her stride and lets those around her know when a setback happens, whether it’s April, Lily or Rome, or her Dad. She doesn’t let anyone bully her into thinking she needs to be coddled, or feel sorry for her. She’s proactive and resilient.

We both leave April’s feeling lighter and more hopeful. Our last few hours aren’t filled with sadness because we both know we’re firmly back in each other’s lives, and will see each other soon.

Our hike is blissful but busy with swarms of visitors at the same time. Staring at her ass as she climbs uphill is ridiculously uncomfortable with my hard-on. We snap a few pictures of the Hollywood sign in the background, and I’m thrilled to have made it on her Instagram, even if it is just her story. She’s tagged me, allowing me to share it with my friends and family. A few people from our old high school inbox both of us, saying how nice it is to see us together again, but of course my, old so-called friends I reamed out for their abhorrent behaviour towards Amity is the past start with their juvenile tactics again, this time attacking her for being a ‘slut’.

Being a man, I didn’t realise just how unfair society was towards a woman. They can’t win either way. She’s either too skinny or too big, too virginal or too slutty, too brain-dead or too nerdy. Half of the abuse hurled at Amity was from jealous women or derogatory men. I’m just grateful that she seems to have a legion of followers who love her.

When it’s time to say goodbye, we kiss until the minute I have to walk through the gate. I’m sure there is a flash or some kid recording us, but Amity tells me to not focus on the outside world. When I go through security, she blows me a kiss and saunters away.

Chapter 37

Opening

Amity

As I sit in the cabana by the infinity pool overlooking the ocean, I take a moment to sit with myself in silence. My mind casts back to our first kiss all those years ago at another of our dads’ openings.

When my mind is busy, I’m usually quietened by the sea, however, this time I am about to jump out of my skin in anticipation of tonight.

Tonight is Lincoln’s first opening of a home he’s designed from scratch. I know he was feeling somewhat melancholic about it because he had hoped I’d be here. Little does he know, I am. I shifted so many things in my schedule to accommodate the trip home, knowing how important this milestone is for him. I already missed out on seeing him graduate high school, opting to leave without walking across the stage, and I wasn’t there for any of his time at uni. When he started at our dads’ company, I didn’t even know until it was accidentally dropped randomly in conversation six months later with Dad.

Having those few days with Lincoln in Los Angeles was magical, but they weren’t nearly enough. When he left my body was satiated, but my heart sore that we’d be parted again. To make up for our physical inability to be together, we spent an exorbitant amount of time on FaceTime having filthy phone sex. The way he commanded my body and demanded I do things I’ve never tried—like sitting on a suction dildo and riding it like a cowboy out on my balcony—was thrilling, but it wasn’t as dirty as when he requested I take off the underwear I had been wearing all day and express post them to him. The next time I saw them was when he sniffed them before rubbing them on his cock and coming all over them. I craved the nights we spent together on the phone falling asleep to one another coming undone.

Like when we were in each other’s arms back in high school, our pillow talk was deep and meaningful. We spoke about both our jobs, our friends, our families and even made new goals for what we wanted in our future. He made a choking sound when I told him my long-term goal was to eventually settle in the Gold Coast. I didn’t let on it would be probably because of us, instead telling him I missed my friends and family too much.

We never really circled around moving past whatever stage we are in now. I guess for me, I was feeling content that things were going well and there wasn’t a lot of stress on either end. Eventually, I wanted to have the conversation with him over us, maybe making us official, but I needed to spend more physical time with him.

The heat was stifling the closer we got to Christmas. Despite it being seven P.M. we were still sweltering in forty-degree heat. I was missing Thanksgiving this year, a holiday I’d become quite fond of. If I wasn’t with Jagger and his family, I was with my team feasting on festive foods that included a huge baked dinner finished off my warm spice pumpkin pie. I was always ravenous for this weekend of food, but not as much as I was ravenous for Linc.

So, here I am, intentionally staying away from the crowd of people inside the home, which includes both our families and friends, along with more of his work colleagues and an array of media and industry experts. If I am spotted too early then word could get back to Lincoln that I am here, ruining the surprise. I flew in only a couple of hours ago and didn’t have much time to get ready. My hair is slicked in a low bun, while my make-up is light and minimal. I coated my lips in some shimmery gloss, but apart from a lick of mascara and dab of blush, I left it quite natural.

My dress is slightly wrinkled from the flight over, but I’m sure the steaming temperature will iron those out. I chose to wear my highest Louboutin stilettos and a slinky black strappy silk dress. The neckline is tempting and low, showing the top of my breasts, but it’s sophisticated and classy enough for a monumental evening like tonight.

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